


Like Night and Day

by EllaB



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-11
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2017-11-07 12:22:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 49,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/431146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaB/pseuds/EllaB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella struggles with her changing feelings for Jacob, her pain from Edward's rejection, and her lingering feelings of love for the vampire who broke her heart and disappeared. Will Jacob and Bella get their chance? What happens when Edward returns?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Want to Try

**Author's Note:**

> Rated for lemons in later chapters. Enjoy.

From "New Moon:"

_Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair._

_If I turned my face to the side – if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder…I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight._

_But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?_

_Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head._

_And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Edward's velvet voice whispered in my ear._

"Be happy _," he told me._

_I froze._

_Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door._

Wait _, I wanted to say,_ just a minute _. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Edward's voice in my head._

_Storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck._

_\-----  
_

I shivered involuntarily as the cool air hit the skin where Jacob's warmth had just been and reached for him before my brain could tell me exactly what the right course of action should be.

"Bella," Jacob's husky voice said uncertainly, turning to gather me in his arms once again. I could tell he was holding his breath, and if it were possible, he felt even hotter against me. I waited, listening for Edward's voice again, but there was nothing.

After a moment Jacob exhaled. The sigh sounded so sad. I felt a twinge of sadness too. He needed me just as much as I needed him, and I felt ashamed at how much I had taken without giving anything in return. But what can an incomplete person possibly have to give?

At that moment, I felt a hot drop fall on my ear and I quickly pushed away from Jacob in utter surprise. I gazed at him in alarm. Jacob was crying? I truly was a wretched person – this had to be entirely my fault.

His jaw was clenched and I could tell he was trying to hold back the emotion that had just made itself known. At that moment he looked so much like _my Jacob_ that my heart skipped.

"Leah and Seth, they're practically the same age as me," he said fiercely, fighting the drops that threatened to fall from his eyes. "I was so young when my mom died, I don't think I ever really understood the loss. But to lose their dad…I just can't imagine what they're…" His voice trailed off and a single tear slid down his cheek.

I didn't think. I didn't need to. My Jacob was hurting and I couldn't stand it. Before I realized what I was doing, my hands were on his shoulders and my lips were stopping the tear from falling any further down his skin. I heard him gasp and suddenly his hands were in my hair. He turned his head and I was kissing him. His lips were an urgent flame against mine, slightly parted so I could taste the sweetness of his mouth. The sweetness was tinged with the salt from his tear.

My brain screamed at me to stop, that something wasn't right, but it took my lips another few seconds before they cooperated.

"Jacob!" I gasped, not sure exactly what I had just started. I dropped my head, feeling my face growing red and something – was it shame? – taking over my senses. I felt wild, like I wasn't in control. Did I just _kiss_ Jacob Black?

"Oh, Bells," he breathed, leaning in to nuzzle my neck. I couldn't push him away quickly enough. He pulled back, puzzled. I looked up at him, horrified.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I don't know why I did that…I mean, I…we can't, I can't…oh, Jacob." I couldn't explain my actions, but as I looked at him, he started to smile.

"Don't be sorry, Bella," he said, wiping his eyes. "You just proved what I've known all along – you do have feelings for me, and I think you're starting to realize it too." His red-rimmed eyes looked almost smug. "You've been broken ever since Edward left, but you're finally starting to allow yourself to really live again," he emphasized his name and watched my reaction.

I flinched and hugged my arms across myself and was taken aback when the hole didn't open as much as I expected. Instead, another unpleasant feeling nagged at me and I realized it was guilt. I was betraying Edward.

Although, Edward had made it clear that he didn't want me. The guilt dulled slightly.

I felt my mouth agape and I quickly closed it. Looking at him and filling my voice with as much conviction as I could, I muttered, "That can't happen again." And I opened my door and walked into my house, holding my head high even while my body trembled. Closing the door, I leaned against it and sank to the floor. Outside, it took nearly a minute before I heard Jacob exit my truck. I imagined him walking into the woods to phase with that superior smile on his face and I shook my head, trying to free my mind of the image.

The internal argument I had waged in the truck had become a war. How could I do this to him? Jacob couldn't settle for being second-best — he was too wonderful for that. He needed someone with a whole heart. And Edward...I cringed slightly but again, was surprised that thinking of him didn't pain me as much as I was anticipating. Was I being disloyal to the voice in my head, the wound in my core? Could I follow what he had told me just moments before? Be happy.

How could I be happy? It was too dangerous. I had been happy before, and look what happened. Yes, happiness was hazardous for me in the long run.

_But when have you shied away from danger_? I asked myself. _You dated a vampire, for goodness sake_!

I spent the next half hour on the floor in one spot, completely still. I gave myself up to the debate, opening my mind and heart to remembering. I remembered how I first felt when Edward would talk to me, how my heart reacted. It beat loudly now, feeling stronger than it had in months. I realized that I felt some of those same pleasant twinges when Jacob and I conversed in his garage. I remembered my discovery of Edward's vampire identity; how I had made the decision that it didn't matter because I needed him, no matter how unworthy of him I was.

I sat up, feeling as though someone had punched me in the gut. "Oh!" I exclaimed. How had I never realized how similar the situations between Edward and Jacob really were? Could I convince my heart and head that what I felt for Edward didn't matter because I needed Jacob, even if I didn't deserve him?

Could I really allow myself to surrender the pain, my only reminder of Edward? Thinking of Jacob's tear-filled eyes, I realized I wanted to try, for Jacob's sake more than my own.

Charlie arrived home from the Clearwater's a few hours later, and dinner was waiting for him. My internal struggle hadn't made me forget that my father would be home soon, hungry and hurting. Before he had a chance to sit, I stopped to give him a quick hug. He grunted his thanks, but didn't need to say anything else. Dinner was quieter than usual.

I stole glances at him as we ate. There were no signs of tears on his face, but Charlie looked tired, older. I appreciated him and remembered with a pang that there was a time when I was going to give him up for all eternity. It made me angry, for some reason.

"Done?" I heard him ask. I nodded and he rose to clear the table. He cleared his throat and added, "I'll be down at Sue Clearwater's most of tomorrow. She's going to need help, you know…with the arrangements."

"Do you mind if I come along?" I asked. "Jacob seemed upset today, and I wanted to make sure he's okay. And Seth and Leah too," I added hastily.

Charlie raised his eyebrows and the slightest smile erased the sorrow from his face. "Of course, Bella. As long as you don't mind being stuck there while I'm helping Sue."

I shook my head, and couldn't help feeling a tremor of nervousness to see Jacob again. I promised myself I would try…starting tomorrow I would take it one day at a time and see if my broken self could manage to love like that again.

I went to bed that night worried how my dreams would play out. I was used to the screaming, the nights of waking in a panic — in a way it was comforting because I knew what to expect. After my mini-revelation, I didn't know how my subconscious would respond.

At five in the morning, I awoke gasping, my throat rasping with the reminder of my near-drowning experience. In my dream I had been embraced by soft arms, first ice cold, and then red hot. They were both pleasant. But as I enjoyed the sensation, they began to squeeze, competing with each other for more and more of my skin. Soon I was being suffocated by the strong binds that were freezing and burning. I couldn't handle them both.


	2. A Stolen Kiss

My entire being was tense as I cleaned up after breakfast. Charlie had murmured his appreciation for the French toast and I was glad he could at least start this difficult day on a full stomach. We settled in the police cruiser and set out for the reservation.

The car was comfortably silent as we drove through Forks. For once, the sun shone high in the sky, which just seemed wrong when so many people were mourning.

Charlie dropped me off in front of the Black's home and continued on his way to the Clearwater's house. As I walked to the door, I wished I had called first. It was still very early.

Billy answered the door almost immediately. He had a jacket half-on, and looked like he was about to leave. "Bella! Sorry, Jake's still sleeping, and I'm on my way to Sue's to help out if I can."

I must have looked disappointed, because he quickly added, "You can wait if you'd like. Make yourself at home. I know Jake will be glad you're here. And Rachel is supposed to be here later today for the funeral — you might remember her? Rebecca and her husband can't make it from Maui."

A few minutes later I was alone in the Black's living room wondering if I should get some breakfast ready for when Jacob woke up. Then I realized I didn't know what time he had gotten in and decided to let him sleep. I sat on the couch and tried to read the newspaper I had found on the kitchen table, but kept glancing up toward the door to Jacob's room. Before long, I just couldn't resist the urge to tiptoe to his door any longer. I cracked it just a few inches and peered in.

It was always comical to see Jacob's huge frame in any enclosed space, especially now — draped across his tiny bed. He practically stretched from one wall to the other, but his face was so serene. Free of the worry and burden that goes with being a protector of his people. _And of me_ , I thought, chuckling.

He was on his stomach, and shirtless, of course. His back rippled with muscles, and the entire room pulsed with the heat from his body. His skin looked like glowing bronze — he was stunning. My fingers squeezed the doorframe as I gazed at him intently, fighting the temptation to creep in there and smooth his glossy hair from his face so I could better watch him sleep. Now I knew what Edward must have felt like all those nights in my room watching me dream.

Edward. It hurt to think of him, especially as I was gazing at the person who might someday fill the hole that was left in my heart. But it didn't hurt terribly, and for that I was thankful. _Be happy_.

_Okay, I will be_ , I thought as temptation won out and I stepped softly into his room, my stomach fluttering with nerves that were much more than just your average butterflies. Was I ready to try to move on, to heal? Looking at Jacob's peaceful expression, I felt tenderness for him and knew that even if I wasn't ready, there was no better person to take my time with than him.

I knelt next to the head of the bed, my face a foot away from Jacob's. Carefully, I ran my fingers through his hair and tucked it behind his ear. He smiled in his sleep and murmured, "Hmmm." I couldn't help grinning as I noticed that he tucked in his lower lip when he slept, almost as if he were sucking on it. I wondered to myself if he used to suck his thumb as a baby.

"Bella." I froze before I realized he was asleep. _Wait, he was saying my name? Guess I wasn't the only one who talked in my sleep_. He smiled again and was quiet.

I knelt there for several minutes, watching his back rise and fall with each breath. I couldn't tell whether the room felt warm because of Jacob's presence, or because of my escalating pulse. I was struck by how soft his face still looked, even through all of the changes that phasing and his rapid growth spurt had forced his body to deal with. I reached out and put my palm on his cheek. It really _was_ soft. My thumb brushed across his lips as he smiled in his sleep again. _Mmm, so soft_ , I thought. I leaned forward.

My lips barely brushed against his. Warm, yielding, unlike anything I had known. It felt _good_. I pulled back to look at him a moment before leaning again to touch my lips to his. He muttered against my mouth, and I grinned as I pulled back once more and rested my head against the mattress not far from his head. With relief, I realized I hadn't thought at all of Edward, or felt any guilt this time — other than wondering if I were taking advantage of the sleeping boy and knowing he would have wanted to be awake for the kiss. My eyelids were suddently heavy as the warmth in the room made me sleepy. I sighed and closed my eyes.

I don't know how much time had passed before I felt a hand against my hair, stroking it softly. It was pleasant, and as I opened my eyes to find Jacob gazing at me, I didn't pull back. I smiled sleepily, ignoring the stiffness in my legs which were still tucked underneath me on the floor.

"Well, this was a surprise," he said. "I opened my eyes and was convinced I was still dreaming."

Reluctantly, I sat up. His hand dropped and he looked vaguely uncomfortable. I knew he was remembering how we left things yesterday. I saw him start to speak, but I held up my hand.

"Jake, I'm sorry about yesterday," I began before he interrupted.

"Don't be! I'm not," he said. I stopped him again, shaking my head and looking at my feet.

"I mean, I'm sorry for how I reacted. There was nothing wrong with you kissing me, but I wasn't quite ready for it. I didn't know if it was something I wanted, and that's not fair for you. I probably shouldn't have kissed you on the cheek in the first place." I looked up to find him with a goofy grin plastered on his face.

"Bells, you're not mad at me? I was sure I had blown it when I mentioned him…I don't want to hurt you but I was just so keyed up at the time, I wasn't thinking."

The pain barely throbbed. I sighed in relief and shook my head. "You're forgiven, even though you technically didn't do anything wrong."

Something flickered in his eyes and he lowered his voice. "I'm just glad you're not still mad at me. Besides, I know you'll figure out you're in love with me eventually." I started to say something but he placed his fingers against my lips to silence me. "And I promise you, Bella…I can wait for a long, long time."

My mind raced. I wanted to say " _You don't have to wait that long_ ", but something held me back. Perhaps it was the nerves, which reminded me that I was just as inexperienced with new relationships as Jacob was. But he had just reassured me that I could explore this possibility at my own pace, which was comforting. I reached up and squeezed his hand, giving him a large smile.

"So, Jake…what do you want to do today?"


	3. My Only Chance?

Shopping was not exactly what I had in mind for our day together, but there we were, on our way to the mall in Port Angeles. Jacob had jokingly suggested cliff diving, but then mentioned how he didn't have a suit that fit him anymore and needed one for the funeral. I had giggled at the thought of Jacob trying to fit into some of his old dress clothes — he had grown so much in the last few months that his pants would probably hit him above the knee.

I held my hand out of the window of the Rabbit and tried to touch as much sun as possible. Seemed a waste to spend the rare sunny day indoors at the mall, but Jacob had promised to make it a quick trip. He hated shopping as much as I did.

"After we get back, we'll spend the rest of the afternoon outside," he suggested, reaching over to take my free hand. I didn't flinch away and wondered if he'd noticed. We sat quietly like that for the rest of the drive.

Jacob kept his promise about being a fast shopper. He bought the second suit he tried on, and I tried to hide my mild disappointment as we left the mall. Seeing Jacob in a suit took my breath away. He was stunning — a grown man. I could have watched him parade out in different outfits all afternoon and been perfectly content. I wasn't the only one either. The saleslady had obviously been impressed, and I overheard the word "muscles" in a whispered conversation with her coworker as we checked out. Jacob was unfazed, holding my hand or rubbing my arm while we waited for his father's credit card to be approved.

Back in the car, Jacob asked, "Well, what did you think of the one I got?"

_You looked beautiful, magnificent, amazing, spectacular…_ A million adjectives were on the tip of my tongue, but all I could get the nerve to say was "It looked really good on you."

"I have to make sure not to get angry in that one! I don't have too many clothes left that fit anymore." We both laughed. It was easy.

Several minutes passed in comfortable stillness. I was starting to contemplate taking his right hand, his hands, for once, were on the steering wheel at the ten and two position, when Jacob suddenly gasped. He swerved violently to the shoulder of the road, his eyes wide and his knuckles white against the steering wheel. He inhaled sharply and trembled, his head whipping around to the woods just beyond the road.

"Bella!" he shouted, twisting around to stare at me in panic. "She's here! I smell her! The bloodsucker…"

"Victoria!" My voice couldn't hide my horror. I reached for Jacob's arm but he shrugged me off roughly.

"What should I _do_?" he implored himself, reaching up to hold his head as if he were in pain. "I can't leave you unprotected, but what if this is our only chance…we could finish this now!"

He sat up quickly, clenching his shaking hands into fists. His eyes darted left and right as he searched the tree line and his nostrils continued to flare as he held onto Victoria's scent. I swear that if his ears could move, they'd be twitching to hear any sound to indicate that she was close.

I felt panicked thinking of Jacob out there, alone, seeking out Victoria. I shuddered slightly at the thought of her cat-like stalking, and a vision of Jacob lying twisted, broken at her feet, flashed through my mind. I touched his arm again, and this time he turned to look at me.

"Don't leave me," I pleaded over the sound of my pounding heart, the vision still central in my mind. "I have my cell — I'll call Sam and the pack will be here in 10 minutes. If she's here, you'll still be able to catch the trail then! Just please, stay here!"

He gazed at me, his trembling ebbing. He saw the fear on my face and misinterpreted it. His eyes softened. "Bells, honey, don't be afraid. She won't touch a hair on your head while I'm around, I swear. I can take her down so easily — just like the last one in that meadow — and then it will all be over and you won't have to be scared any more."

I shuddered, gripping him frantically. "No, Jake! You would really go out there alone and leave me here wondering if you were hurt, or…or _dead_?" My voice raised an octave; I knew I sounded hysterical, but I didn't care. "You can't leave me here alone! Don't leave me!"

Understanding flickered in Jacob's eyes. He stroked away the tears that had begun to roll down my cheeks and sighed, sounding defeated. I knew he was disappointed, but I didn't care. "Don't call. I'll phase so they'll know exactly what's going on." I started to protest but he stopped me. "I'll stay right inside of the tree line until they arrive…I promise I won't run off. And someone will always be watching the car; you'll be safe."

Even with his brothers to help him, I was terrified for Jacob. As he reached for the handle, I squeezed his arm to stop him. His glance back at me felt half-human. He was relying on his instincts to know what was going on. I wished he'd come back to me for even a second. I shuddered to think of the danger he'd be facing. _What if this is the last time I see him_?

"What about you?" I moaned, taking his hand roughly and twisting my fingers into his. "You won't be safe…you'll be out there with her, and if something happens, I swear…"

He touched my cheek tenderly, but his words were urgent. "Bella, I have to phase now."

"Jake!" The cry burst from me before I leapt across the seat to press my lips fiercely against his. He needed to know, and it might be my only chance. My face felt nearly as hot as his mouth on mine, but I couldn't stop myself. Hot tears spilled from my eyes and mingled with our lips. He growled and twisted one hand in my hair as he kissed me back frantically. I wasn't ready for it to end when he broke away and immediately turned to sprint for the woods, pausing only once to glance back at me, the hint of a smile on his face, a flicker of sudden comprehension in his eyes.

I spent the next half hour shaking, my knees drawn up to my chest. My eyes searched the trees for any hint of Jacob, but I never heard or saw a thing. I was more preoccupied with worry for Jacob than I was with any other thought; however, even though I tried to keep them out, flashes of Edward's pale face found their way into my mind.

I was following his advice. I was going to try to find happiness. But I was still getting used to the idea that my happiness couldn't include Edward. I was still mourning the death of a future I had wanted with all my heart.

But a new future was presenting itself, and I had to keep telling myself that it was okay to want it. I wasn't being disloyal — how could I be? Edward didn't even want me.

A howl sounded in the distance, followed by four answering calls. I strained my human ears to listen for any sign that a battle was taking place, or that Jacob was on his way back to me.

A figure suddenly emerged from the woods and my heart stopped. _Victoria_! I let out a relieved sigh. No, the person was male, and he was running toward the Rabbit. _Jacob_?

"Embry," I said in relief as he reached the passenger side. My brief smile faded as I saw the look of fury on his face.

"We nearly had her!" he seethed. I wasn't used to seeing him without his usual grin and I shrunk back. "She must have run fifty, sixty miles west after she first caught our scent…we could have caught up to her. But then Sam caught a new scent and called off the chase."

"A new scent?" I was confused.

"Vampire," he hissed. My heart couldn't help skipping, but I tried to appear calm.

"Was it one of the Cullen's? Would Sam recognize their scent?"

"I don't think it was one of them. This was a new scent…I've never smelled it before. Sam told us that he didn't want to risk the pack going in blindly against a new enemy, so he called us off. They're patrolling the area to try to learn more."

I only felt mild disappointment at the news. "So everyone is…okay?"

Finally Embry flashed a knowing smirk. "Oh yeah, Jake's fine. Actually, he's more than fine right now, even if he is disappointed that he didn't meet up with that leech."

My face burned as I realized everyone in the pack had probably seen our kiss replayed in Jacob's mind. "So, when is he going to come back and take me home?"

"That's why I'm here," he explained. "Sam needs Jacob to patrol with him and I'm supposed to take you back to Charlie at Sue's place. And then, it will be another long night. I'm on Bella Swan patrol tonight!" He grinned at me.

I tried to hide my disappointment as he climbed in and we started the drive to La Push. Embry was quite a speeder — _although I had experienced worse with Edward_ , I thought with a mild wave of guilt. We were in front of Sue's house before I knew it. I grabbed Jacob's suit and waved a quick goodbye as Embry whooped and took off for the tree line.

Charlie and Billy were sitting at Sue's kitchen table when I entered. Sue was on the phone in the corner. There was no sign of Seth or Leah.

"Hey Billy," I said, hanging the garment bag on the doorknob. "Jacob went to go see Sam. He got a new suit to wear tomorrow. I promised him I'd give it to you." Billy gave me a knowing nod, his face looking more strained than usual. "Where are Leah and Seth?"

"Oh, they went out with some friends," he replied, throwing a glance at Sue, who met his eyes. The room fell silent except for the ticking of a clock and Sue's occasional murmers of "hmm mmm" to the person on the other line.

Charlie stood up. "Well, if you don't need me anymore, I'll go ahead and take Bella home." His eyes implored Sue, seeking reassurance that she was fine. I was touched by his concern for her. She didn't respond so he grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. "We'll see you both, um…tomorrow."

\-----

Sometime during the night I jolted awake, relieved to be out of my dream. The cold and hot arms were back, taking turns embracing me, but this time the icy restraints were taking over, monopolizing me until no trace of heat was left. Even though the chilled caresses were gentle, I wanted to push them away to find any sign of warmth I could, but it was gone.

I panted against my comforter where it was clutched in my fists. I didn't need a psychology degree to figure out what my subconscious was trying to tell me. I felt worry flood over me again and glanced at the clock. Just past three a.m. What was going on in the woods?

I listened for Charlie and barely heard his soft snores from down the hall. Tiptoeing to the window, I eased it open and shout-whispered, "Embry! Are you out there?" Silence answered me in the seconds that followed.

I tried again. "Embry, are you there?"

After a minute, a muffled voice called "Wait, I'm coming…give me a second!" Embry came into sight from between two houses across the street. He was fastening his shorts and then wrapping a leather cord around his wrist. He paused under my window. "Bella, is everything okay?"

I gnawed my lip anxiously. "Have you heard anything from Sam? What's going on…have they found Victoria?" I suppressed a shudder when I said her name. "Or anyone else?"

"Not as of a few minutes ago," Embry said with a chuckle. "Why? Are you actually scared, Bella? I would have thought that someone who ran with vampires would be a lot tougher that this."

His teasing put me at ease a bit. "I'm just worried…about the pack," I added quickly. "I've been around enough vampires to know that they're dangerous." My mind couldn't help silently adding _especially if you let them in your heart_.

"Does Jake know how much you really worry about him?" Embry asked bluntly. I sputtered, my ears growing hot. I opened my mouth and closed it quickly. Embry continued, "Because, Bella, if there's something there, you shouldn't hold yourself back. I know he would probably wait forever for you, but that's just cruel - to him _and_ to us. I don't want to be harsh, but you have no idea how much this affects everyone in the pack. And Jake would be good for you. Much better than any bloodsucker at least…"

I drew in my breath sharply and narrowed my eyes at him. "I appreciate that, Embry, but I think I know what is good for me."

"Do you?" His eyes were friendly, but his words were the harsh truth. "Do you really think loving a _vampire_ was good for you? You were in danger every day you were with him, and you've been a shell of yourself every day since he left. I don't mean to be insensitive, but you're missing everything good in your life. Family, friends…it is all right in front of you but you're too busy wallowing in self-pity to realize it."

His speech stung me and my stubborn nature wanted to respond back, but there was no denying he was right. I had only just begun to realize it on my own, but hearing someone else say it made it seem real somehow — more acceptable for my healing heart to grasp. I sighed before giving a weak smile to Embry and grabbing the window to lower it.

"Tell Jake I'll see him tomorrow."


	4. The Funeral

The day dawned appropriately, with clouds and a light drizzle. I met Charlie at the kitchen table, already dressed in my dark green dress with matching flats. Today was not a day to risk heels and a twisted ankle. He had already made himself some toast and was tugging on some black dress socks.

"Don't you have any navy socks, Dad?" I mused, looking up and down at his outfit — blue suit pants and jacket, white shirt and a tie that looked like it belonged on a college professor in the 1970s. His black dress shoes on the floor near his chair looked equally dated.

"Hmmph," he grunted, keeping his eyes down. Looked like Charlie would be quieter than usual today — I understood. I respected his space and didn't say anything further as I made a bowl of oatmeal.

I was surprised when we pulled up to a typical funeral home on the road leading to La Push. I had expected something a bit more _ceremonial_ for the death of one of the Quileute elders. Charlie, as if reading my mind, explained that this was only the first step of the day's services. We would be going to the reservation for a small gathering at Sam Uley's home later in the afternoon.

"The tribal leadership will be holding a private, ceremonial burial immediately after this. I thought we could just go home until we have to be at Sam's," he stated simply. I nodded my agreement.

As soon as we entered the building, I felt my heart pounding in my ribs. In any other setting, Jacob would be easy to find since he towered over most people. But here, several dark heads were visible above the crowd, and I craned my neck looking for him. I recognized Sam and Quil, but Jacob wasn't anywhere. In fact, most of the pack were absent.

I followed Charlie to where Sue, Leah and Seth stood next to the closed casket. I felt incredibly out-of-place surrounded by tearful mourners. Sue had a fiercely determined look on her face, as if daring her eyes to well up. Leah and Seth were wincing with what appeared to be physical pain, but had also kept the tears at bay. The hole in my heart opened slightly when I saw them, remembering for the first time in days the pain that came with loss. They leaned against one another for support, looking tired and ragged. With a gasp, I realized that Leah had cut her beautiful hair incredibly short.

"Sue," Charlie said, enveloping her in a touching hug. She hugged him back, but remained rigid and unemotional. Seth wouldn't make eye contact with me, so I approached Leah and held out my hand. She stared at it for a moment, and I saw her eyes flicker to Sam, who had moved toward us and was now a few feet to my right. Finally, she accepted my handshake.

I startled when my skin first touched hers. Seth snapped his gaze to me, pleading with his eyes for me to remain calm. Leah's hand was like fire. I dropped it almost immediately and turned to Sam, who just nodded and walked away. "Seth?" I said, turning back to him.

He broke from his sister to give me a quick, blazing hug and whispered, "Both of us, can you believe it? Even Leah, and we always thought…" His whisper ceased.

_We always thought that only males could transform_.

He straightened up and turned back to his family. Without a word I walked back to where Charlie had settled himself near Billy. Jacob was still nowhere to be found.

"Bella," Billy said, and answering my unasked question, added, "Jacob had some things to take care of on the reservation — helping Old Quil with some preparations and all. He was hoping that you'd come over there after all this is done." He waved his hand at the crowd.

"Guess he won't get to wear that suit after all," I said. "I wonder if it will still fit in a month." Billy snorted quietly and exchanged a knowing smile with me.

Of course I wanted to go to Jacob. So much had happened in the last twenty four hours that I felt like we would need twenty four more just to make sense of it. I was anxious to talk with him. And, I realized with a quick blush, I was looking forward to touching him again. After my dream the night before, I was craving his soft warmth.

I looked at Charlie, who wasn't listening, sitting stone-faced and clenching his jaw the way he always did when he was upset. I knew Charlie, and I knew he'd want some solitude today to grapple with his feelings following Harry's death.

I touched his arm, snapping him out of his cheerless trance.

"Will you be okay if I'm with Jacob until the reception at Sam's later today? If you want me to stick around, I'm fine with that…"

"No, no, don't worry about it, Bella," he seemed relieved. "I think I might just go down to the river for a few hours anyway — seems a fitting way to say goodbye to Harry."

"Well, make sure you change first. I'm afraid to see what your 'backup' outfit would be if you got that suit dirty." The corners of his mouth twitched upward for the first time that day.

\-----

I was surprised at the nervousness in my stomach as I rode to La Push with Billy and Rachel. I vaguely remembered Rachel from the times visiting Charlie as a child. She was still a bit on the short side — funny, considering how tall her brother was — but had filled out to become quite curvy. I felt like a child next to her. We made small talk about her college and her major, and what my college plans might be. She was heading back to school the next morning to be back in time for classes on Monday.

I was disappointed when Jacob wasn't at home when we arrived. The anticipation of seeing him again was starting to frustrate me. Billy left immediately for Quil Ateara Sr.'s home and Rachel took me down to a spot on First Beach where most of the reservation community had already gathered — sitting on blankets.

The hum of subdued conversation surrounded us for nearly a half hour as I watched Jared and Quil arrange wooden planks from the parking area to the beach. Soon I noticed Embry helping Billy navigate his wheelchair across the planks to get to the beach. He was dressed in a large woven headdress and, what I assumed was, traditional Quileuite dress. Behind him were Old Quil and Sam, attired in similar clothing. Rachel had seen some of her former schoolmates and friends and gone to sit with them, so I settled myself by Emily, who looked tired and had a smudge of flour next to her nose. She smiled gratefully at me and closed her eyes, only opening them when the first of the drums began. A beautiful voice began to sing, wailing in a language I didn't understand. The hairs on my arms stood on end. It was gorgeous and heartbreaking.

Two large men, bare except for their wolf-like headdresses, fur and leather leggings, and traditional paint, carried a large canoe to the sand, setting it down gently. I inhaled sharply as I realized one was Jacob. He looked magnificent and masculine. His eyes were intense as he watched six suit-clad Quileutes carry Harry's coffin toward the canoe, fitting it between the seats in the hull. I was vaguely aware of Sue and Leah coming forward to place items in the canoe: a frying pan, fishing net, some sort of meat wrapped in paper… My eyes couldn't tear themselves away from Jacob as the singing swelled and quiet sobs broke out around me.

Even when Old Quil rose and began to chant in that same beautiful, unfamiliar language, I never looked away from Jacob's strong, glorious form. My heart was filled with love for him — it was almost too much. He was totally focused on the ceremony, but as the six suited men stepped forward to help lift the canoe with the coffin inside, I saw his eyes shift to me for a fraction of a second and I was so overcome by my emotions at that moment that two tears slipped and fell down my cheeks. I reached up and felt them in surprise.

Emily touched my shoulder, and I realized time had passed without me noticing it. "Come with me, I need some help back at the house."

We stood up and I threw a look behind my shoulder where Jacob and seven others were reverently carrying Harry Clearwater into the woods.

"They put the canoe on stakes to raise it off the ground, and will bury him in a week or so, once everyone has had an opportunity to give a gift for Harry to use in the next life," Emily was explaining to me as we arrived at her and Sam's cheerful little house.

Luckily, it had stopped drizzling, because the house would never have been able to accommodate all of the guests she was expecting. As she opened the door, I was greeted with several delicious fragrances.

"They'll bury the canoe too?"

"Mmm hmm," she nodded, grabbing her apron and pointing to the stovetop, where several pots were waiting. "Turn all of those on medium heat and start stirring. I need to go next door and get the fish that I left baking in the Connweller's oven." She left and I got to work. Soon the kitchen was filling with condensation from the various bubbling pots. I peaked into her oven to see some sort of steak-like meat in a large dish, surrounded by simmering vegetables.

"Whale steaks," she said, coming into the kitchen with her hands filled with an enormous baking dish. Sam followed her, his headdress in his hands. "Our tribe is allowed to catch one whale a year, and we save the meat for those occasions that call for it — weddings, funerals, and traditional celebrations," she continued.

"And the death of an elder certainly applies," Sam said wearily, pausing to kiss Emily's forehead before disappearing, presumably to change.

"We should have enough food," Emily smiled. "Quil and Jared won't be here because they need to relieve Paul and Embry on patrol, and those two will probably want to go straight to bed. So we'll really only have four wolves; Sam, Jacob, Leah and Seth. There will be plenty left for the rest of the Tribe."

I nearly dropped the dish I was holding. "Quil's a werewolf?" I choked. "First Leah and Seth, and now Quil is a wolf too? Anyone else I don't know about?"

Emily's eyes were soft. "It was only a matter of time before Quil changed, Bella. It's in his DNA. But no, there are no more wolves for now."

I had no more time to process this news, for at that moment, the first guests began to arrive. We stopped talking and got back to work.


	5. Everything is Different

An hour had passed and people were still arriving to mingle, eat, and offer their condolences. Charlie had made his appearance and left very soon after, obviously uncomfortable in the presence of so many mourning people. Emily kept me busy refilling serving platters and gathering empty plates and cups. My eyes searched for Jacob the entire time. The sight of him during the ceremony had only cemented the anticipation I had been feeling for the last twenty four hours. Even so, I had no idea what I was going to say to him.

The stream of guests had begun to ebb and I concentrated on tidying the living room while I had the chance. Before I could make a dent in the mess left behind, Emily came up to me as I was collecting paper plates.

"You're off duty now," she said. She took the stack from my hands and nodded toward the kitchen. Jacob's frame filled the doorway. As much as I wanted to run to him right away, I protested and turned to grab more abandoned cups. There was so much work to be done and I hated to leave Emily to do it alone. She stopped me again, her smile warm. "No, Bella. Thank you so much for helping, but Sam and I have it from here. Go on." She nudged me gently in the direction of the kitchen and I turned to Jacob.

He was gazing at me with smoldering eyes and my heart swelled. Never taking my eyes from his, I reached his side and took his hand. He squeezed my fingers gently and said, "Let's go."

I let him lead me as we walked, neither of us saying a word. My hand was clammy, whether from nerves or Jacob's body heat, I didn't know. We walked past his house to the garage where we had spent so many afternoons, and as we approached the door, my pulse quickened. I saw him glance at me out of the corner of his eye and wondered if he could hear my racing heart.

I settled in my usual spot, Jacob leaning against the worktable opposite me. I took care to tuck my dress under me, fussing with the hem, anything to avoid his eyes while I figured out what I would say.

He surprised me by ending the silence first. Taking a shaky breath, he stammered, "Bells, I've been waiting for you to kiss me like that for a long time. But I don't want to overanalyze it and make it something that it wasn't. I guess I don't know what I'm supposed to say. This is all new to me too." I peeked up at him through my lashes and saw that his face was red and he was twisting a wayward string on his shirt. I felt a flood of affection for him. "I think I know what you're feeling, Bella — this confusion from everything that's happened has me a bit on edge, too. I guess we just show it in different ways. But this whole situation makes me nervous. I don't want you to regret anything. I don't want you to ever feel like you can't just be my friend. I'm a bit confused, but you can talk always to me, you know. Nothing is different."

I slowly looked up, my eyes meeting his. "You're wrong, Jacob. You _don't_ know what I'm feeling." He looked worried. I stood up, my eyes wide and my voice quivering. "But it's time you did."

I took my steps slowly, deliberately, toward him, never breaking eye contact as I came closer. I felt the heat radiating from his body before I pressed myself against him, gazing up into his face. " _Everything_ is different."

I reached up to stroke his face and Jacob relaxed with relief against my touch, sighing softly and closing his eyes. I stopped my caress and he opened them again, looking down at me uncertainly.

"Kiss me, Jacob," I whispered. "Please…"

My hands slipped behind his neck to pull him to me. His lips were soft and tender as they met mine awkwardly and perfectly. I felt as though I were sinking into their warmth. He put a cautious hand on the small of my back and the other stroked my hair as I moved my mouth against his. All of my cares and concerns flew from my mind as I pulled him even closer, pressing my body against his wondrous heat and allowing a low moan to escape.

His response was joyous — "Bella!" he cried as he broke from the kiss to meet my eyes for an intense moment. Seeing the approval and hunger in my gaze, he crushed his lips to mine again.

I entwined my hands into his untidy hair roughly and his mouth left my lips to lavish my chin and neck with urgent kisses. His breath felt like fire against my skin. I sought his lips again with a gasp, opening my mouth slightly to caress his upper lip with my tongue. I felt feverish as we devoured each other's mouths. He tasted sweeter than I ever imagined. I placed my hands on both sides of his face and broke away to press my lips to his cheeks, his eyes, his forehead, before returning to his mouth to taste him once again. I never realized a kiss could be like this. _Wild, not chaste...certainly not like my kisses with..._ I pressed my eyes closed and suppressed the gasp threatening to escape my busy lips, immediately clearing my traitor mind and concentrating on the werewolf at hand.

My hands found their way to his arms, where they explored his muscles. His breath hitched as I ran a hand down his abdomen, marveling at the rock-hard muscles underneath. I became aware of something else hardening against me…

He pulled away abruptly, gasping for breath, and turned from me, his ears pink. I stood there in wonder, my lips slightly swollen and my breath ragged. I reached for him, confused and aroused.

"Jacob?"

He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Damn, Bells, I wasn't expecting _that_." He smiled sheepishly, but with desire lingering in his dark eyes. "Just give me a second to calm down...if I don't, I'm afraid we won't be getting much talking done, and I really want to know what you're thinking right now." He laughed low in his throat, his chest still rising and falling rapidly from excitement.

I stepped away, but as soon as I did, he reached out to grab my hand again and held it for a minute while the flush left both of our faces. He again leaned against the worktable, this time pulling me against his chest.

After another moment, he spoke, his voice still shaking slightly.

"Well that was certainly a surprise. Are you going to tell me what that was all about? And yesterday in the car…" His voice trailed off uncertainly, but his eyes were bright and excited — his face looked cautiously hopeful.

I sighed and snuggled my face into his chest, where his scent was intoxicating. "I've been wrestling with myself a lot during the last few days," I admitted. "I've needed you for so long, as a comfort, a friend, but you deserved so much more than what I could give you…"

"But Bella…" he started.

"Let me finish," I said, slowly rubbing my thumb against the hot skin of his hand. "I realized that I needed you even more, but this time in another way — a way I honestly wasn't expecting."

I steeled myself. "When Edward left, a piece of me left with him…the piece that allowed me to love passionately. I was afraid that it was gone for good, because it was always tied to him."

Jacob swallowed, his jaw clenched. I felt his hands tremble slightly and I lightly kissed his chest to calm him. Saying Edward's name still pained me, but I certainly didn't want it to hurt Jacob. I looked up and met his gaze, and didn't look away as I said, "I wasn't a whole person, but around you I felt like that emptiness was bearable.

"And then, I realized it wasn't that you were making it bearable, it's that you were filling that void in my heart, and over time it's been healing. You fixed me. You fixed me," I repeated. "It took a long time to realize it, and a long time to convince myself that it was okay. I mean, you know how stubborn I can be!"

We both laughed and he gathered me in his arms. "Would you be mad if I said 'I told you so'?"

I punched his arm playfully, but then got serious. "I don't know how much I can offer you, Jacob. I'm still trying to figure things out, but if you're game...I'd like to figure them out with you." He beamed at me. "You know, I'm being really selfish here. I'm getting so much from you and all you get is some accident-prone girl who takes forever to realize what's right in front of her face."

"That's all I get?" he said, his voice getting husky and his eyes darkening. "Don't you know that's all I ever wanted?" His arms tightened. Jacob closed his eyes and grazed his nose across my forehead, inhaling deeply. "Mmm, you smell so sweet, Bells. I want to memorize this fragrance in case this is all just a really good dream."

I kissed the hollow of his neck gently. "If this is a dream, it's the best one I've had in a long time." Jacob tilted my chin up to press his lips to mine. Softly, he kissed me, matching my contented sigh with one of his own.

We stayed in the garage like that for over an hour, whispering our excited revelations to each other, stopping only to embrace softly. Kissing him wasn't as awkward as I had feared. It felt natural. Before long we realized we couldn't remain in our little world forever. Jacob began yawning, and I kicked myself for not realizing that he was exhausted — only getting a few hours of sleep during the last 48 hours of patrolling and assisting with preparation for Harry's funeral. He tried to protest, but I pushed him out the door and playfully pretended to drag him back to his house.

"It's Saturday. I don't have to be home until midnight, and that's seven hours from now. You need to sleep, and I'll just hang out here until you can take me home."

Billy was nowhere to be found when we got to the Black house. Jacob immediately sprawled on the couch, his calves and feet hanging well off the end. His eyes were already closing when I sat in front of him, leaning back against his chest, and grabbed the remote. _The History Channel is always good to pass the time_ , I thought to myself, flipping to a documentary about submarines and kicking off my shoes. I wasn't as comfortable as I could have been in sweats and a flannel, but at least this dress wasn't too itchy or the shoes too tight.

Jacob snored softly, and I smiled when I saw his peaceful face. It reminded me of watching him sleep the previous day, when I had stolen a kiss. I leaned forward again to inhale his fragrance and brush my lips against his softly. My Jacob…

The voiceover on the television was droning on in a soothing way, and I felt secure and comfortable against Jacob. My eyes began to close and I didn't fight it, rolling onto my side so he was spooning me, nestling into him as I drifted off.

\-----

I was awakened by the sound of someone clearing his throat. I sprung up, red-faced, to see Billy staring at us with an amused look on his face. Jacob, still half-asleep, grumbled a complaint and grabbed my waist to try to pull me back down. I tried to push him away but he was much stronger.

"Jake!" I hissed through my teeth, looking up at Billy apologetically, "Wake up…"

He opened his eyes and gave me an adorably sleepy grin before realizing his father was there, chuckling and shaking his head. "Hey Dad, what's up?" Jacob sat up, completely unconcerned.

"Oh, I just figured you might want to take Bella home before her father releases the hounds," he said with a smirk. I noticed for the first time that it was dark outside. "He's called twice since I got home, but you both looked so comfortable, I didn't want to wake you." His eyes twinkled playfully.

I blushed crimson. "What time is it?" I asked, glancing at the clock. One-fifteen.

_One-fifteen_?

"Oh, crap!" I cried, scrambling to my feet and looking around for my shoes. "Crap, crap, crap…" Jacob was still stretching on the couch, stifling a yawn. I grabbed his arm to try to pull him to his feet. "Jake, come _on_! I don't want him to worry, today of all days."

Jacob rubbed his eyes, but stood. "Technically, it's tomorrow, Bella."

I stopped long enough to give him a stern look, which made him and Billy laugh out loud but also made him move faster. We headed for the Rabbit and were on our way.

Jacob seemed very relaxed the entire way to my house. He had assured me that everything would be fine, because Charlie _loved_ him. He held my hand confidently, rubbing his thumb against the sensitive part between my thumb and forefinger. The night air was chilly, but I felt warm, still cooling down from hours snuggled against my own personal space heater.

Just as I expected, Charlie was awake and in the living room when we got home. Jacob insisted on walking me inside, even though I wanted to avoid Charlie saying anything to him. As we closed the door behind us, Charlie was in the doorway in seconds.

"Bella, thank goodness," he said, relief on his face. "I knew you were with Jacob, but I couldn't help worrying when you didn't call me to say you'd be late."

He was much less angry than I envisioned. In fact, he seemed just fine as he shook Jacob's hand and muttered a hello before turning back to me.

"Next time you two are out this late, I want a phone call, young lady. There's no reason for leaving me worried. Now, if you'll excuse me, I want to get some sleep — the fish are expecting me at the lake tomorrow bright and early." Kissing me on the top of my head, he murmured a goodnight and went upstairs.

I stared after him, my mouth agape. "Told you," Jacob's husky whisper sounded in my ear, his hot breath tickled. He had come up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I turned to lay my head on his chest. We stood like that for several moments before he sighed.

"I'd better get going. Sam's already going to be mad because I was supposed to be on watch at midnight when I dropped you off. I'll be around here tonight if you need me."

I whispered, "I'll always need you. No matter what happens, that will never change," before standing on my tiptoes to kiss him lightly. As he walked out the door, he trailed a warm hand against my cheek and I smiled.

"Goodnight," he murmured, lightly squeezing my chin before he turned and walked into the darkness.


	6. Greedy

For the first time in months, my dreams were pleasant. When I awoke the next morning, panting lightly with a sheen of perspiration on my skin, I couldn't quite remember what they were about, but the tingly flush in my skin and a certain urgent ache in the pit of my stomach gave me a pretty good idea. I had a wonderful feeling that it would be a good day — the first time I had felt so optimistic in a while.

I smiled to myself, rolling over to see the beginning sunlight streaming in my window. For a split second, I glanced over at my rocking chair, out of habit — the last time I had woken in high spirits, Edward had been there to greet me. The smallest jolt of disappointment hit me, but the stronger feeling of eagerness to see Jacob overruled. I wondered if he was still outside on patrol. Bounding to the window, I cracked it open. Charlie's car was already gone, and I felt a twinge of guilt that he was probably sleepier than usual today.

"Jacob? I'm awake…can you come in?" I called softly.

Jacob answered out of the edge of the woods with a laughing bark almost immediately. Excited, I ran to the bathroom to splash some water on my face and brush my teeth before I heard a light knock on the front door. I stumbled down the stairs in typical clumsy fashion and threw open the door. Jacob stood there in his cutoff shorts, his muscles practically glowing in the early morning sun. Stunning. He held his arms open for me and I leapt into them with a giggle. He carried me in, closing the door behind us.

"So, breakfast?" I asked as he set me down, taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen.

"I don't think Charlie will appreciate me eating half the food in the house," he laughed, catching me in another embrace, "but I _am_ hungry." His voice was heavy with longing as he leaned down to kiss me. My breath caught in my throat as he crushed his lips to mine eagerly, groaning lightly.

He trailed his lips to my ear, where he nibbled and whispered, "Do you want to tell me why you smell so enticing today? What were you doing in your room last night, bad girl?"

I pulled back to look at him in confusion. "I didn't do anything. A smell? I haven't changed my soap or shampoo…" The realization of what he was smelling hit me and my face flooded with color. My dreams must have aroused me more than I realized. _Damn his wolfish senses_! "Oh!" I stammered, pushing away from him and looking down, mortified to meet his eyes. He chuckled and pulled me back to him firmly.

"Don't be embarrassed, Bella," he said in a low voice. "It's incredibly…sexy."

He cupped my chin in his hand and raised my face so our eyes met. My discomfort dissolved when I saw him and a jolt of new, excited nerves hit me. Jacob's eyes were dark with desire as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

"Mmmm, Bella," he groaned. "So sweet…it's intoxicating!"

I wanted to say something, but before I could, he pulled me firmly against him and twisted his strong hands in my hair, tugging it lightly. He tilted my head back to expose my neck to his lips and exploring tongue. I gasped, feeling the familiar ache that had started to wane from my dream return. His touch was urgent, rougher, but in a very good way. Certainly nothing like I had experienced with Edward.

Jacob's teeth grazed my earlobe and his ragged breathing made my mind race. He hands ran down the back of my threadbare shirt and over my rear. I was suddenly aware of my bare legs — I only had an old, oversized cutoff T-shirt and some underwear on — they were chilly and I wanted every inch of them to be against Jacob's hot skin. I couldn't stifle my moan as he lifted me and I wrapped my legs around him. He spun me around so my back was against the wall and I surrendered to the intense urges of my body, grinding against him unabashedly, feeling his arousal respond between us.

"Jacob!" I cried, throwing my head back and exposing my neck to his warm tongue again. His mouth set my skin on fire as it tickled the hollow of my throat. I felt my nipples harden against the thin fabric of my shirt. He must have noticed too because he broke away from me and looked down. I arched my back and he nestled his face between them, inhaling my scent and rubbing his face into my shirt. I could feel the blaze of his skin through the thin fabric.

I wriggled slightly to press the aching fire between my legs against the growing bulge in his pants. He responded by thrusting his hips against me and I could feel myself losing control as his hardness rubbed against my thin panties. Right _there_.

He held my hips and moved me up and down as I responded with my own thrusts…moving faster and faster, my breath coming in short pants now, my hips moving up and down. Jacob pulled back to gaze into my eyes as he rubbed himself against me. I felt an unfamiliar fire begin to burn in my belly, growing bigger and hotter. It felt so good, and I reached for it, closing my eyes and moaning loudly.

"Jacob," I whispered shakily as the delicious pressure increased.

"I've got you, Bells."

"Oh, Jacob…oh God, Jacob…JACOB! Oooohhhhh!" I cried, squeezing my eyes shut and digging my nails into his shoulder as my aching center exploded with throbbing wave after wave of pleasure. I tightened my legs around his middle and he pressed himself forcefully against my pulsating core.

My muscles trembled and my legs felt like jelly as the throbbing slowly waned and Jacob gently lowered me back to the floor, holding me securely as he did. I couldn't speak; I was astonished by the sensations that had rippled through my entire body. It was so much better than I ever imagined.

He nuzzled my cheek and neck. "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he sighed, inhaling through his nose greedily, his lids half-closed.

My panties felt incredibly damp. I knew the scent of my arousal must have been more than Jacob could resist, because as soon as I was steadily on my feet, he dropped to his knees and kissed my stomach through my shirt. Grasping my hips firmly with his large hands, he bent down. Before I realized what he was planning, he had pulled the fabric of my shirt up and was rubbing his nose and lips softly against the silky front of my underwear, moaning as he did. A low growl escaped his throat.

"God, Bella. You're mouth-watering. I wonder…" his voice trailed as one hand started to come around toward my core and inch its way toward the edge of my panties. His growl intensified, sounding primal and incredibly sexy.

"Exquisite," he murmured.

I gasped. That one word stopped me in my tracks, and I was suddenly reminded of Edward — it's a word he had used quite often. I grabbed Jacob's hand with my own to stop him, because I wasn't quite ready for him to touch me so intimately — especially now that another man had entered my mind and wouldn't leave as much as I tried to ignore him. I could hardly believe I had allowed it to go as far as it had, even before Jacob's choice in words had taken me out of the moment.

He seemed to come to his senses, looking up at me with wide eyes, then back to my damp crotch and quickly back up to my face, a blush filling his cheeks for the first time.

"Oh! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…I understand that's…"

I pulled him up to me to kiss him deeply, trying to concentrate on him and only him. "I would love to be ready to do something like that with you, Jacob Black," I whispered to him. "But I'm not, and I don't think you are either. I should have stopped this much earlier, but it felt so good...I was surprised. And...I was being greedy — I'm sorry. I just don't want to give you the wrong impression, and," I took a deep breath, "if we're going to try being a couple, I want to do it right and not rush things."

He grinned from ear to ear. "Aww hell, Bella, I'm not sorry at all. You don't know how incredible that was — to be able to make you feel like that." His eyes focused in mine intently. "I've dreamed about holding you, kissing you like that for so long." He bent in for a quick press against my lips. "I'm glad you were greedy…you should think of yourself more often than you do anyway."

He released me after giving me another kiss on the forehead and couldn't help saying, "Now, what was this you said about breakfast?"

One hour, eight eggs, six sausage links and six pieces of toast later, Jacob finally stopped eating and leaned back in his chair, patting his stomach and grinning at me. I had spent most of the last hour reading the newspaper, when I wasn't marveling at Jacob's never-ending appetite.

"So," he started. "I was thinking that we should go on a proper date. There's more to me than just what you see in the garage, you know. I know how to romance a chick."

I snorted. "I think one of the first steps to romance is not calling your girlfriend a 'chick.' But that sounds like a nice idea, if you agree that we can go Dutch."

Jacob feigned confusion. "Dutch? Do you want me to dress in little wooden shoes or something?" We both laughed — it made me feel more relaxed than I had been in a while.

I explained the concept of modern dating to a befuddled Jacob, smiling warmly at his cluelessness. He acted so confidently when we were close; it was nice to see that he really was unsure at times — I felt as though it put us on an even playing field.

"You mean I don't have to break my bank taking you out? This 'Dutch' thing sounds awesome!" Jacob said, jokingly. "But seriously, if that's what you really want to do, then it's fine with me. I can spoil you in other ways."

As he said this, he scooted his chair closer and reached down to take my feet. He rubbed them with his warm hands, throwing out the occasional suggestion for our date.

"Dinner and a movie sound so corny," he said. "Maybe we could play some miniature golf!"

An image of me tripping over a golf ball or twisting my ankle in a hole flashed through my mind and I gritted my teeth. "Anything that doesn't involve coordination? After my last incident with the motorcycle; I think I should give Charlie a break from having to shell out another co-pay."

"How about the aquarium in Seattle?" Jacob suggested. "We could leave after lunch, get there in 3 hours and then get some dinner at the little café they have there. We went on a field trip there when I was eight and I've always wanted to go back. And no coordination is necessary…"

"That's a great idea," I enthused. "They were talking about building one in Phoenix before I left, so I've never actually been to an aquarium. But I don't know if Charlie will agree to the two of us going to Seattle." I tapped the newspaper on the table. "I guess there's a lot of gang activity right now — five unsolved murders in the last few days…he's been muttering a lot about how big cities just aren't safe."

Jacob looked disappointed, but quickly recovered. "That's okay…Seattle would be more of a weekend trip anyway…" He stopped abruptly, realizing what he was saying. "Not that we're going to be going away on any overnight trips…or, not right now…umm, I mean…uhh…" He looked adorable when he stammered.

I touched his hand. "I know what you meant."

We traded ideas back and forth for another few minutes. Bowling was out. I cringed to think of how many people I could injure with my clumsiness and a 10-pound ball. Plus, my back was still aching from my cliff-diving debacle. It was still March, so there were no outdoor concerts or performances. Choices outside of a movie were limited.

I had continued to think about date options and hadn't noticed that Jacob had gone silent, a goofy grin spread on his face.

I returned the grin. "What?"

He lifted my foot to his lips and pressed a kiss on my arch. "Do you realize you called yourself my girlfriend earlier?"

"I did?"

"You did."

I blushed. "Well, then..."

We fell silent, both of us with smiles curving our mouths.

Suddenly, Jacob had a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Hmmm, I think I know what we could do…but it would be kind of risky." _Risky?_ "Say, Bella, how opposed are you to breaking the law?"


	7. The Date

As much as I pried, Jacob wouldn't tell me what he had planned for our date on Friday. Luckily for him, he had to patrol that afternoon and I had to catch up on some homework that I had avoided all of spring break — otherwise I would have interrogated him for hours.

Being alone with my thoughts was less painful than it had been in months. I felt warm when I thought about Jacob — and hot when I thought about our close encounter that morning. It was more than I had ever done with Edward, though not because I hadn't wanted to. I sighed aloud as I thought of all the times Edward had stopped me when my ardor became too much for him to handle.

And yet, I couldn't deny that part of my heart was still conflicted. I didn't think it possible to be in love with two people. However, the decision had been made. Edward didn't want me, and Jacob did. I couldn't control that. What I could control is what I did from now on. And I loved Jacob. _You still love Edward, too_ , my subconscious reminded me.

"Shut up," I growled aloud to myself. The numbness that had plagued me for months after Edward's departure had been slowly fading, and it was being replaced by a bit of anger toward him. How dare he still live in my heart, after all I had gone through? Who was he to whisper advice in my ear? _Be happy_? I couldn't believe I had flung myself off a cliff a few days earlier to hear a voice that I now wished would go away. It was hard enough to move on, but I was determined to be fair and good to Jacob — he deserved my love and I wanted to give it to him.

I was angry that something as simple as a murmured word by my new boyfriend could interrupt an intimate moment with memories of my former vampire love. _Former love_? I shrugged my shoulders. I'd always love Edward passionately, but I just had to accept that he was the past, even if I didn't want to. There was no future with him. He had decided that without consulting me, and part of me seethed with anger because of it, even while a larger part of me still longed for him somewhat. I was a confused girl!

The afternoon faded into dinnertime as I finished the novel we had been assigned for English — I didn't like senior year American Literature as much as I had enjoyed British Lit. the year before, but I had to admit that Samuel Beckett's theater of the absurd was a welcome escape from my own bizarre life. I packed the book in my backpack for the next day and tidied up before heading to the kitchen.

I started some vegetables, knowing Charlie would be home soon and would want some of today's catch for dinner. As the asparagus steamed, I looked at my calendar for the week. Ugh. Work on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, which left Tuesday for the bulk of my schoolwork. I might not even see Jacob again until our date. I sighed audibly — it was going to be a long week.

\-----

I was right — the week crept by. School was mundane. Mike was avoiding me, still embarrassed over getting sick in my presence during our movie disaster. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't a big deal, but honestly, I enjoyed the break from his hovering. Jessica and Lauren were their usual unfriendly selves, not that it bothered me anymore. Luckily, I had Angela and Ben to keep me company during the many conversations that excluded me at the lunch table.

I hoped that Jacob was getting enough rest — I knew that Sam would have him patrolling as much as possible. He only had time to call me for a few moments Wednesday night as I was changing out of my work clothes.

"I'll pick you up around 4:30 on Friday," he told me. "Wear something nice, but make sure you pack a comfortable change of clothing."

"Should they be all black, since we're breaking laws and everything?" I joked. "I mean, if we're going to rob a bank we don't want to be seen!"

"That's actually a pretty good idea," he said, and I couldn't tell if he was teasing or serious.

I changed my clothing four times before I finally settled on black pants and a purple and silver flowing top that tied at the back of my neck. I couldn't wear a bra with it, but luckily it had several layers to it, so I felt modest. With a sad smile, I realized that Alice had chosen the shirt for me the last time we had shopped together. I packed my change of clothes — dark jeans, bra, and a black sweater with quarter-length sleeves. I also wore a nervous smile — feeling more excited than I had in a long time. To be honest, I couldn't wait to find out what Jacob had planned for us.

Charlie had a permanent grin as he looked at me sitting in our living room, my knees bouncing anxiously as we waited for Jake to arrive. A faint knock at the front door caused me to jump slightly and Charlie beat me to the door.

I peeked around my father and gasped. Jacob was wearing the suit he had purchased the previous week. He looked amazing and I immediately felt under-dressed. I gave him a large smile as Charlie huffed, turning into Chief Swan the moment he opened the front door.

"Jacob," he said gruffly, shaking his hand. Jacob looked amused as Charlie gave him a hard stare. "Bella must be home by 1 a.m. I hope I don't need to call Billy tonight."

"Oh, no sir!" Jacob said, solemnly, his eyes still laughing. "I _always_ follow the rules. Don't worry about a thing." Then he winked at me, brazenly. I stood there, shocked and amused.

Finally, Charlie smiled and clapped Jacob on the back. "I know she's in good hands. You two have a good time." He stepped back so we could both walk out of the door.

We started the drive to Port Angeles. I kept stealing glances at Jacob out of the corner of my eye. He looked like a model in his outfit, and staring at him made me feel breathless. I noticed he was peeking at me as well and my heart began to pound. My body reacted in another way as well and I blushed and wondered if Jacob was aware — if he was, he didn't say anything.

We arrived at the restaurant and it was a perfect choice. Even I was a bit overdressed, but it didn't matter. During the next hour and a half, we feasted on steak, vegetables, bread, and wonderful conversation. As I had requested, Jacob allowed me to pay for my own meal.

By the time we left, it was past seven and the sun was setting. We walked around the small, quaint downtown area for a while, just enjoying the mild temperature and each others' company. Finally, Jacob turned to me with a mischievous grin and said, "Bella, are you ready?"

He wouldn't tell me where we were going. We drove to the outskirts of town, twisting through forest roads until we came to a large, dark, hotel-like building in the middle of nowhere. I saw a sign.

"Sol Duc Hot Springs?" I asked, reading. "What's this?"

Jacob was excited. "They don't open the springs for resort guests until next month, but they're warm and ready to go now! I thought we could go for a nighttime dip…it might help your sore back. Technically, it's trespassing, but I don't think they have resort security on patrol right now." He saw my skeptical look and stopped.

"You didn't tell me we were swimming. I have jeans with me! You should have told me to bring a swimsuit!"

"Oh," he said, looking embarrassed. "Well, I thought that maybe since it's dark and all, you'd just be comfortable in your, uh…in your underwear or something," he shrugged. "I'm just wearing shorts. Besides, the springs are really secluded. And I'll give you a backrub!" he promised.

I felt my pulse quicken. I moistened my lips and gave him a half smile. He could see that I was nervous so he stepped close and kissed my forehead. Without a word, he took my hand and our extra clothes and led me through the darkness. I couldn't see a thing, but I knew he was looking at me as we walked.

The springs really were secluded. We walked for several minutes before we came to a clearing and Jake said, "We're here."

My eyes adjusted to the dark and I saw several small steaming pools scattered in front of me. The moon shone brightly, giving the entire scene a silvery glow. Jacob's wide eyes and teeth stood out against his dark skin — he looked like a work of art. He dropped our bags and my hand, walking a few feet ahead. Without a word, he slipped his suit jacket off his shoulders and placed it gently on the ground. His tie was next, followed by his belt. His white shirt fell, revealing his strong, broad shoulders. His skin looked like shimmering onyx in the moonlight.

He turned to face me and looked intently in my eyes as he unfastened the button at the top of his pants. He stood there uncertainly for a moment, seeming to have an internal debate with himself. His eyes never left mine as he then bent over and dragged his pants down his muscular legs. When he stood back up, I noticed that the material of his boxer shorts was straining against something large and hard, and I gasped softly. With the moon behind him, he looked like a nighttime fantasy. I looked away nervously.

"I'll be in the pool, Bella," he said, his voice deep and husky.

I turned away, my mind racing. I wanted to follow him, to run my hands over his back, explore every inch of his hot skin. I needed to decide if I was ready for this, and I only had a few moments. My body was screaming at me to join him; my mind was conflicted. Suddenly, I remembered two words: _Be happy_. I knew at once what I was going to do, and unfastened my jeans with trembling fingers. Shivering in only my bra and underwear, I walked quietly to the springs.

Jacob had his eyes closed and his head back as I stepped into the pool. Keeping his eyes shut, he murmured, "I didn't know if you would come."

I glided to him, taking his hands under the water, and kissed his neck. "I knew you wanted me to," I confessed, shifting so I sat on one of his thighs. I was very aware of something pressing against the side of my hip, but I didn't pull away.

Jacob lifted his head to look at me for the first time. We stared at each other for several long seconds before I leaned to him, tenderly pressing my lips to his. My breath was shaky against his mouth. But I had no hesitation when I felt Jacob's tongue on my lower lip — I accepted it immediately, eagerly. His lips were so soft. I nibbled one, gently sucking it and tasting his sweet flavor. My eagerness surprised me. He moaned softly in his throat and that sound unleashed something in me.

All of the sexual frustration and desire I had held back for the last year bubbled to the surface. I grabbed the back of his head suddenly, urgently, knowing that this time I wouldn't be stopped. Jacob wouldn't stop me, and I felt recklessly liberated in realizing that. Every caution I had voiced in the past, every internal debate I had worked through, every single thought went out the window. I was so tired of being stopped, exasperatingly halted during every intimate moment. That wouldn't happen tonight.

He couldn't be close enough. I pressed against him roughly, pinning him against the side of the hot spring. We explored each other's mouths, our tongues dancing and chasing each other. I felt his erection growing against my stomach, and instead of frightening me, it only made me more excited.

Jacob's hands, impossibly hot against my back in the warm water, moved down to grip my backside firmly. I could feel the heat of his fingers through the fabric of my underwear. He broke away from my mouth and looked me right in the eyes as he lifted me to thrust our hips together, roughly. I gasped in surprise and pleasure, and we both moaned loudly.

"Does that feel good, Bella?" he growled. I nodded breathlessly. He did it again — and again — each time looking into my eyes and matching my groan with one of his own.

I felt my underwear ripping apart in his strong hands as he rubbed and squeezed my bottom until the satin was mere shreds pinned between us. He slowly lowered me back onto my feet in the water, and I whimpered as my center rubbed against his skin the entire way down. The remains of my panties fell away. My heart pounded nervously, but I had no intention of stopping. I had been stopped too many times before. I felt free, and incredibly turned on.

His fingers grazed my skin tenderly as he moved them up my back to my upper arms. Brushing my hair back behind my shoulders, he leaned down to kiss the side of my neck. His hands gently pushed the straps of my bra down my arm — first one side, then the other. I pushed him away urgently; he eyed me hungrily as I slowly reached behind to unfasten the clasp and then slipped my arms out of the loops. I held the fabric loosely in place as I watched his reaction.

There was a rumble deep in his chest as he gazed at my pale flesh spilling out of the lacy cups. Reaching up, he grasped the material at the top of one breast and pulled it slowly away from my body as I drew in my breath. I stood there, completely exposed in the moonlight, my chest rising and falling. His eyes were wide as he stared at me in lust and wonder. His hands, still on my shoulders, trembled slightly, but his face showed nothing but confidence and desire.

His fingertips tickled my skin as they slid across my collarbones — his skin was like dark night compared to my glowing paleness. One hand remained there while the other trailed down to the hollow between my breasts. Leaning forward, he kissed the spot before closing his eyes and crushing his nose and lips into my skin to inhale my scent. Both hands began an enticing tease, circling the sensitive flesh on my breasts in large circles, but always avoiding the nipples. They hardened in anticipation, but, again, he avoided them. I whimpered softly, arching my back.

"Mmmm, Jake…please," I pleaded in a whisper. He smiled — it was maddening — and gently ran his palm against the sensitive center of my peaks. I trembled as the sensation warmed the already heated ache in my loins. My hips pressed against his involuntarily and he snarled quietly and closed his eyes as my thigh brushed against his burning erection. I lifted one thigh in the balmy water and settled it between his legs, rubbing myself against his hardness, up and down, as he suddenly stopped his caresses.

The intense rumbling that had been sounding in his throat grew louder and he suddenly leaned down and kissed me forcefully. He tasted my mouth and broke away as I closed my eyes. I felt his warm tongue flick against my nipple and my eyes flew open as I squealed. "Jacob!"

He lapped at me again. I pressed my legs together under the water as a wave of arousal hit me. He took the entire nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it before releasing it with a suckling pop. As he continued to lick and suck at my sensitive peaks, I was almost unaware that one hand was running down the side of my hip until, with a gasp escaping my lips, his fingertips barely grazed my sensitive folds, which were slick even under the water.

"God, Bella," he moaned against my nipple. "I can even smell you through the water! I need you, I need to taste you…I can't stand it!" I found myself being lifted out of the water and placed on the edge of the spring. The cool night air caused goose bumps to rise on my arms and chest and I shivered. But, Jacob's hands were creating burning trails on my skin as he parted my legs.

With a growl, he licked me from the bottom of my sex all the way up my folds to the sensitive nub that twitched under his tongue. I threw my head back and cried out. He began a chant as he devoured my clitoris — "Bella, Bella, Bella" — closing his lips to lightly pinch with the "B" and flicking his tongue against me with the "L." I was aware of a flush taking over my body even as the night breeze continued to blow cool against me.

I wasn't used to feeling cold when I was so close to Jacob, and the way I felt in the cool air immediately reminded me of intimate moments with Edward, few as they were. With that thought in place, my brain latched onto it, remembering my greatest desire and bringing that to the forefront of my pleasure-addled mind. I thought of his cold skin, his cool breath tickling my body — much like the light breeze that was sending a new chill through my body now. My brain and senses were jumbled as I processed the intense pleasure I was feeling. I couldn't help myself and I closed my eyes and thought of Edward touching me this way, the way I always wanted him to.

The urgent fire began to smolder in my core as I grasped hair in my hands. In my mind, it was the color of bronze, but in reality, it was dark black. "Oh yes," I hissed, reaching toward it. "Yesssss…oh God!" It built hotter and hotter until, _finally_ , I felt like I had exploded, ripples of intensity racing through my body.

"Oh, I love you!" I cried aloud to the Edward in my head. "I love you!"

"I love you too, Bella," Jacob's husky voice answered.


	8. Overcompensating

I pulled away abruptly, my fantasy dissolving as I opened my eyes to see a very excited Jacob hovering just over my naked body in the moonlight. His face looked immediately confused when he saw my uncertainty and I was hit with an enormous sense of guilt. What had I just done? Thinking about Edward while Jacob was bringing me to orgasm? What kind of twisted girl _was_ I?

I shook my head as my breathing slowed, trying to clear my thoughts as Jacob resumed his caresses, placing tentative kisses on my stomach as his eyes watched me, gauging my reaction. His eyes were so full of concern; of love…it made me feel even more horrible. Before I could stop it, a tear slid from the corner of my eye, and Jacob stopped what he was doing and looked aghast.

"Bella, are you okay?" he asked, trying but failing to hide the disappointment in his voice.

_No, I wasn't okay…I was a horrible person_. But I wouldn't let that affect Jacob. Not tonight. Not ever again. I would rid my mind of Edward Cullen — Jacob deserved that. I met his eyes, and couldn't bear the hurt that was welling there as he gazed at me. I smiled and stroked his cheek.

"I was just thinking about how wonderful you are. Please don't stop, Jake. It feels so good." It _did_ feel good — I felt so loved by him. And right then and there, I made the decision that, before the night was over, Jacob would feel that way too. He would feel loved.

I eased back into the water and pulled myself to Jacob's chest. His erection, which had started to ebb slightly, twitched against my stomach. I tilted my head up to meet his lips, and as I ran my tongue against his, one of my hands slid down his muscular stomach until it reached the elastic of his boxers. I tugged them down firmly and his arousal sprang free, brushing against my wrist as I pushed the material lower and straightened up. My fingernails trailed back up the front of his thighs and he hissed softly as I gently rubbed circles in the hair just above his massive member. With a quick breath, I grasped him in my hand — he was much larger than I imagined and his skin was burning hot. My body responded instantly. He groaned loudly against my lips and whispered, "Oh, Bella…"

I moved my hand hesitantly, up and down the length of his member a few times, unsure if I was doing it right. He responded with a growl, twitching his hips slightly with every stroke. His own hands traced along my sides and came around to cup my breasts firmly. My breath hitched and I let go of his erection to move my hands to rub his muscular backside, pulling him hard against me as he caressed my nipples. Every pass over the sensitive peaks made me buck my hips against him involuntarily. I could feel his heat against my swollen, slick core, and with a final thrust of my hips, the tip of his hardness grazed my entrance. We both gasped and broke our kiss to stare at each other. I was trembling over the unexpected contact, and his dark eyes rendered me silent.

Jacob took a few deep breaths before he continued. He leaned me back gently against the side of the hot spring and I raised my hands over my head. Jacob grasped one breast, squeezing it lightly, bending down to suck its sensitive peak. His other hand grasped his erection, and he brought it against my slick center. I sat up suddenly, stammering a bit, but he silenced me with a soft kiss, murmuring, "Don't worry, Bella. I'm not going to put it inside. Just lay back."

His eyes met mine and I knew he understood the hesitation. Even so, I _wanted_ to feel him slide inside of me — every inch of my body screamed out for him to thrust into me, filling me completely; my hips rose to rub my throbbing core against his fiery skin, against my better judgment — but my vision of Edward forced me to keep a clear head, because I _wasn't_ ready.

He dipped just the tip of his shaft into my wetness, careful not to press too hard. I moaned as he did, and then cried out in surprise when he rubbed himself up and down my folds, pausing at my swollen clit to massage the head of his hard member back and forth rapidly.

"You're so wet, Bella," he moaned, a rumble growing in his chest. "You don't know how much I wish I could be inside of you…I want to feel you. So warm...God, honey…I can't…" His voice caught as I silenced him with a fierce kiss, pushing him until his back was against the edge of the steaming pool. I licked his upper lip while my hands grasped his maleness firmly and brought it against my center. I rubbed it against me, feeling how easily it slid against my skin, up and down my folds.

"Jacob," I whispered; my voice deeper than usual. He growled softly. "You made me come," I said, "and I want to do the same thing for you." The growls grew louder, and a primal look was in Jacob's eyes. I moved my hips up and down, pressing his erection against my folds, rubbing him in my wetness. "Do you like that?"

Jacob's growl became a quiet snarl as he nodded, bracing his hands behind him against the side of the spring. His eyes were dark now, and wolfish. His upper lip actually rose and his teeth glinted white in the silvery light. I stepped back so I could put my hands on him again, holding him firmly and moving my hand up and down his length. I looked down in the shallow water and could see him as my hands worked.

Jacob was huge. He was also slippery from my fluids, and it made my hand movements glide easily. Tentatively, I took my other hand and cupped his balls, ran my fingers along the insides of his thighs, explored every inch of his intimate areas I could. His sounds intensified and his hips jerked. As my fist moved on him, I leaned forward so my breasts lightly pressed against his stomach and kissed his chest. My lips tickled as they felt the rumbling from his growls, which were growing louder and louder. From the corner of my eye, I saw his knuckles turning white as he grasped the side tightly.

"Bella!" his eyes were wild. "Oh, fuck...Bella," he roared into the night air as his hardness twitched in my hands and I knew he was peaking. With a gasp, I was crushed against him roughly, his strong arms feeling like a vice on my torso and his hips grinding against me forcefully. I felt like I would break in two and clawed frantically at his chest and shoulders as he trembled against me. My eyes clouded with stars and I went slightly limp.

His face finally registered what he was doing and he released me, embarrassed horror on his face. I took a deep, shaky breath and he steadied me with his strong arms.

"I'm so sorry, Bells!" he said in shock. "I don't know why I did that…are you okay?"

His hands roamed along my body — if I hadn't still been throbbing in pain, it may have turned me on. I turned from side to side, straining to see my hips and back. I would be bruised in the morning. I turned to see Jacob with his hands fisted in his hair, muttering. "So stupid! Way to ruin a moment, Jake."

I reached up to take his hands away from his head. "I'm fine, Jacob. Seriously, it's okay." After a moment, he relaxed, and gently held me against his body. "I think you were responding to your wolf instincts there — I don't think it was a conscious reaction."

"Even more reason to be worried, Bella!" he exclaimed. "I don't want to hurt you...I'd...well, I'd rather die than hurt you like that. I think I'm going to talk to Sam about it and see if its something I can control for next time…"

I stopped him with a squeeze. "Next time?" I couldn't help asking, a smile on my face and a blush in my cheeks.

His russet skin flushed too. "Well, yeah…if you want to."

I may have been unsure about my lingering feelings for Edward, and about where I wanted to be in my relationship with Jacob, but there was one thing of which I was sure. The physical aspect of a relationship was better than I could have ever imagined. And I wanted more.

I felt a split second of sadness that I had never experienced that with Edward, which was quickly replaced with anticipation for future encounters with Jacob.

"I can't believe that actually happened," Jacob was saying with a soft chuckle. "I wasn't expecting it to go that far. And hearing you say that you love me…" He sighed. "It's more than I could have ever hoped for."

I winced internally at the guilt that rose quickly to interfere in what should have been a tender moment. It hadn't been Jacob I had been professing my love for.

"I knew you wouldn't stop me, and I didn't want to stop myself — it felt too good." I looked down, trying to keep my turmoil from being apparent. "Do you really think we were ready for all that?" I whispered. "It was amazing...so amazing, but we've only been together for a little while..."

"Bella, I've been with you since the beginning," Jacob told me softly, meeting my eyes. Seeing my hesitation, he faltered and his face fell. "Do you regret it? You're not…upset or anything, are you?"

Looking at the panic and worry on his face, I shoved any uncertainty back, ignored the vampire pictured in my mind, and smiled at Jacob. "Of course not, Jake. It was wonderful. I…just don't want to ruin what we have by complicating it with all this physical stuff too quickly. You're too important to me…"

Jacob's voice was gruff in my ear. "Oh, Bella. It won't, it won't! I feel closer to you than I ever have…God, I love you so much, honey." Tears welled in my eyes as we held each other close and I allowed his professions of love to sink in. Edward remained fixed in my thoughts.

I didn't respond.

\-----

Jacob took me home, wearing a permanent smile the entire time. We were an hour early, to which he joked about "bonus points with Charlie."

At my front porch, I kissed him tenderly as he assured me he would be on patrol for the rest of the night and that I should get a good night's sleep. The moment I was inside, I raced for my room, tears already forcing their way down my cheeks as I fought to stifle the sobs rising in my throat.

I felt like the vilest person in the world. My heart had betrayed me — making me think I was over Edward and it was safe to move on with Jacob. And now it was too late to turn back. I would have rather died than to hurt my Jacob, but I should have stopped us before we took such an important step. I hadn't been emotionally ready, even if my body had been begging for it. Why hadn't I stopped things?

Involuntarily, my guilt dissolved into despair as I realized that I would never experience something so amazing and erotic with Edward. The hole ripped open once again and I dropped to my knees.

"No, no, no…stop it, Bella," I said out loud, covering my ears and shaking my head. I forced the hole closed. "He's gone, and he wouldn't have done anything like that with you even if he were here!"

Now what? I absolutely wouldn't break up with Jacob, but it was clear that I still wasn't able to give him my whole heart. I was disappointed in myself — Jacob was still playing second fiddle, and that was so unfair for him. But at the same time, I wanted to be utterly selfish and keep experimenting with my werewolf boyfriend — I had never felt such intense pleasure in my entire life.

More importantly, I wanted to see if the love I did have for Jacob could heal me — mend the hole in my heart until it didn't open anymore — and if it could grow to eclipse that hurt I had experienced. I recognized that I had a long way to go. My thoughts of Edward had taken me by surprise. _Edward_. I sighed. Thinking of him now, there was an aching pain, a sad yearning and feelings of regret. I glanced over to the corner of my room, where he had remained so many evenings while I slept.

"It should have been you," I whispered to the empty rocking chair, my eyes welling up again. "Why wasn't it you? Why did you leave me? I'm so angry with you…sometimes I don't know whether this passion I feel in my soul is from love or hate!" I cringed, quiet for a few moments, almost as if I were waiting for a response.

"Love," I finally admitted in a low murmur. "Damn it, it's still love…"


	9. Talking It Out

I woke up Monday morning feeling like I had taken several steps backwards. The intense pain that had been my constant companion for months was no longer all-consuming — perhaps I had grown beyond that — but I was still conflicted. This time, only a few days before, I thought I had finally figured out my life. Now I felt uneasy, like I had done something shameful. I wouldn't dare voice that thought to Jake though. I had only spoken to him once since, and our phone conversation that afternoon had been filled with joyous sighs and murmured affections from his end. I had remained a bit more reserved.

I still missed him though. This weekend had been rough. Sam was running the pack night and day, trying to locate the strange scent they had come across while chasing Victoria. Between patrols, finishing the homework I had neglected during my spring break, and my job at Newton's, we rarely had the opportunity to see each other. However, Jacob had been able to schedule a "day off," and we had made plans for him to sneak in my window Tuesday evening after Charlie fell asleep — just the thought of us alone in my dark bedroom filled me with a flush of panic and, even though I tried to deny it, excitement.

Despite all of my emotional turmoil, our tryst had been replaying in my head all weekend, frustrating me with a constant aching deep in my stomach. I found my mind wandering to thoughts of soft caresses, ragged breathing, and waves of bliss in my core. My hips and back were sore and bruised, but I couldn't help smiling as I ran my fingers across the yellowing blotches in the shower.

Monday night, I could no longer stand it. I had gotten home from work an hour earlier, and had decided to go to bed a bit early. Charlie was immersed in the NIT tournament and barely heard me call a quick "good night" on my way to my room. I locked the door softly and crawled into bed, feeling warm all over. I had never done anything like this before, but I was desperate to feel that release again.

Closing my eyes, I started to think about Jacob. _His russet skin, rippled with muscles and hot to the touch_. I slid my hand into my bra tentatively, brushing lightly against my nipples — _the way it felt when his lips wrapped around my nipples and the surprisingly silky texture of his manhood against my fingers_. My other hand pushed aside the elastic of my panties to stroke my already-wet folds. _Mmm, the feeling of his tongue teasing my clit_. I rubbed and carefully pinched my sensitive nub, working to relieve the tension building in my loins. _The way he felt when he slid against me…_

Damn it. Something wasn't working.

I sat up, frustrated. I wasn't feeling what I thought I should. It wasn't escalating like it had when I had been with Jacob. With a groan, I turned out my light and snuggled into my covers. My anger with myself faded as I slipped into an uncomfortable slumber.

I woke suddenly only a few hours later, a light sheen of perspiration making my skin cool. My dream was forefront in my mind — I remembered fleeting thoughts of cool fingers brushing against my skin. I closed my eyes again, but instead of going back to sleep, I slipped my hand below the waistband of my pajama shorts, seeking immediate and necessary release. I pushed the guilt aside and concentrated on the pleasure. I was surprised at how slick I still was.

_His marble body, cool and hard, shimmering in the light_. I slid my fingers gently up and down my folds, trembling at the sensation. _His icy lips and tongue tickling the hollow of my throat_. Two fingers glided easily into my opening, and I lifted my hips toward the pressure. _Oooh, his chilled breath in my ear_. My breathing sped up as I rubbed my palm against my clit, sliding my fingers in and out of myself rapidly. _I wonder how it would feel to have his hard, cool length thrusting in and out of me…_ A low groan started in my throat as flames began licking at my core, urgently.

"Mmm, Edward," I moaned, "Edward, Edward…oooohhhhh." My low cry rumbled deeply as I felt my muscles tighten against my fingers and a flow of silky moisture escape around them. A teardrop escaped my eyes at the same time.

\-----

Angela seemed to know something was wrong the minute she saw me at school the next morning. Several times I started to talk to her about my problems, but always stopped, wondering how on earth I could possibly explain things. _You see, Angela…my old boyfriend was a vampire and my new one is a werewolf…_ Each time I avoided going any further in the conversation, her eyes were full of understanding, but I knew she wanted me to confide in her so she could help.

Besides all of the unbelievable aspects of my recent relationships, there was the embarrassing subject of sex. Looking at Angela and Ben, their love was so evident, but I couldn't imagine them doing anything like that — not even the more intimate activities that led up to it. They seemed too sweet and innocent. So I let my guilt linger without any relief.

Finally, on the walk out to the parking lot at the end of the day, she turned to Ben. "Could I have a few minutes alone with Bella? Girl talk…," she explained with an easy smile, pecking his cheek quickly and turning to me, her face sympathetic as he walked away behind her. When he was out of earshot, she took a deep breath.

"Bella, please tell me what's bothering you," she said, reaching over to squeeze my hand as we stood next to her car. "You seem like you need a friend right now…I know something's going on. And I don't want to see you like you were this past fall," she added.

I sighed. Angela was so perceptive — and caring. "You're right…I do need a friend. It's kind of funny…I always had this one great friend I could confide in when I had a problem, but now the problems are with him, so it's hard." My lip trembled as I continued. "I think I made a mistake, and it's really embarrassing. I don't know if I can tell you about it — I don't want you to think badly of me."

She shook her head with a soft smile. "Bella, I would never. I want to be here for you — I understand how much you've been through lately. I know that when the Cullens left…" I flinched and Angela rubbed my arm as she continued. "When they left, I could see that you were in so much pain, and you always seemed like you didn't want to even _think_ about it. So I didn't say anything because I didn't want you to hurt more. It killed me to keep quiet." Her eyes sought mine. "But something has changed. You seem _better_. I want it to stay like this. Please, let me help you…if I can."

I decided to confide in her.

"I've been dating Jacob," I told her, and she smiled, knowingly. "And he's wonderful and exactly what I need right now. He takes such good care of me, and I never doubt how he feels. I love him, I really do…but…"

"But he's not Edward," Angela said quietly. Hot tears stung my eyes as I nodded.

I took a deep breath. "We…I mean, Jacob and I…well, we fooled around this past weekend."

Angela's eyes never left my face. "What happened?" she whispered.

My face turned red but I continued. "Well, we didn't…do, um…it, but we did some stuff. I'm not sure we were ready for it. In the moment, it felt right, but now I think it might have been the wrong thing to do. Our relationship is so new…and Jacob's so young and I'm pretty inexperienced. I'm having all of this guilt too, because I can't stop thinking about him."

"You mean Edward?" she asked soothingly. I nodded.

"And because of that, I'm pretty sure I wasn't emotionally ready for so much intimacy with Jacob… It was more than I've ever done with Ed—…with anyone before," I said, blushing furiously.

"Wait, you mean you and Edward never…" her voice trailed off as I winced.

"No…Edward was always a perfect gentleman. Too much of a gentleman, actually," I smiled bitterly. "We only kissed. And even then, it was always very innocent. I always wanted to be more intimate with Edward, and we were, in ways that were completely non-sexual." I cringed at the words, and whispered uncertainly, "But I always wanted it. Maybe that's why I thought of him when I was with Jacob."

Angela looked astonished, and I nearly regretted my words. But after a pause, I heard her say, "Go on."

"Well, now I don't know what to do. I want to try to move on, and I know that Jacob is the best option for me," I explained. "And, I am pretty sure I could feel real passion for him…I mean, when we were, um…together…it was incredible. I've never felt so good. And I was totally having that new-relationship fluttery feeling whenever Jacob was near…then all of these thoughts of Edward started up and got in the way. Jacob is my best friend. I love him. And it's not fair for him to have to fight for me against someone who's not even here anymore."

Angela was quiet for a moment, absorbing what I had told her. Finally, she said firmly, "Do you really want to know what I think?"

I nodded and braced myself.

"I think you're overthinking this situation," Angela said matter-of-factly. "Edward's gone, right? He gave up any claim he had on you. You shouldn't feel guilty. Maybe you should try enjoying this new relationship a bit more. Have some fun and let loose! Otherwise, you're going to drive yourself crazy every time Jacob kisses you."

"But it's not fair to Jacob! He's so wonderful…shouldn't he be with someone who isn't in love with a memory?"

"Stop it," Angela said firmly. "Bella, you're not a bad person! You shouldn't beat yourself up over this."

"But I…"

She stopped me with a concerned look. "Please listen. You're trying to find the same feelings for Jacob that you felt for Edward, and you're just going to fail." My mouth dropped open. "But Jacob and Edward are different people and your relationships with them have always been different. Edward seems like he was always your love…you didn't know him any other way. You were just realizing a lot of the "friend" aspects with him that really makes a relationship great. And Jacob has always been your friend. It will take some time and some growth to understand how to be "in love" with someone who's always been your friend. You have to let those feelings grow…and it will probably be confusing for a while. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Trust me, falling in love with a friend is a wonderful thing."

She smiled happily, probably thinking of Ben.

I was struck by two things as Angela finished talking. First, that she was absolutely right, and second, that I had never realized my relationship with Edward had been lacking some of the friendship that I seemed to crave when I was with Jacob.

"But is it possible to feel that love again, Angela? I just can't imagine…"

"I don't know. I've never felt anything like what Ben and I have together. But we're also young. If this doesn't work out, I'll be heartbroken, but it doesn't mean life is over for me. But at least I know now that I'm a person capable of that kind of love." She smiled over my shoulder at Ben, who was hovering out of earshot. "But between you and me, I hope it does work out."

I gave her a quick hug and we both laughed lightly. "Thanks, I really appreciate you listening to my problems, Angela."

"Don't mention it," she shrugged. "Do you want to go study together? I think Ben and I will be working on some Calculus homework with Tyler."

"I'd actually love to, but I'm meeting Jacob tonight and I want to have dinner ready and my homework done so I can turn in at a decent hour. We'll have to make plans to go on a double date soon, though." She nodded enthusiastically and I hugged her once again before making my way to my truck.

I felt more light than I had in months as I settled behind the wheel and reached for the ignition. Angela couldn't understand all the complexities of my situation, but she nailed my confusion with pinpoint accuracy. I felt clear-headed and started my drive home, looking forward to enjoying time with Jacob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked Angela's appearance here, be sure to read my smutty little outtake about what she and Ben have been up to! It's called "Take Control."


	10. Moving Forward

I found myself feeling happily nervous once again as I waited for Jacob in my room that night. I was starting to make peace with the unfair reality that, at least for the time being, Jacob would be battling for my heart. I sighed. He really was too good for me. But he wanted me, and we were both happy when we were together. We were good for each other — why would I stop that just because I had memories of my first love?

Besides, I had made the decision that I would try to move on with Jacob, and I was nothing if not stubborn.

I barely registered a soft knocking on my window before he was against me, holding me close to his bare chest. I smiled at his speed, so unlike the awkward, clumsy Jacob I remembered when I first moved to Forks.

"I missed you," he whispered hoarsely, kissing the top of my head. We stood there in silence for a few seconds before he released me and plopped down onto my bed, sprawling back with a grin on his face. "Great news, Bells! I don't have to patrol again until tomorrow morning. That means we can hang out all night if you want."

"That is good news!" I exclaimed, "Because that means you can get a whole night's sleep." I moved to sit next to him on my too-small bed. "You look really tired." My fingers traced the dark circles under his eyes.

He reached up and gently took my fingers in his large hands, bringing them to his lips to kiss each fingertip. I shivered with the sensation. My heart ached slightly as my body responded to its selfish desire, but I shoved that feeling aside. There was nothing wrong with this.

I snuggled against his side, shushing him quietly as I got comfortable. Tonight was one of Charlie's rare overnight shifts, and he hadn't left yet. We whispered softly about school, the pack, and plans for the weekend until we heard Charlie call a gruff goodbye from the foot of the stairs.

"Good night, Dad, be careful," I shouted back before turning to Jacob with a grin on my face as I considered our entire night of freedom. He immediately rolled to his side and began smothering my neck with warm kisses as I giggled and attempted to push him away, listening for the patrol car to leave our gravel driveway.

Jacob's playful kisses began to turn into something else as his lips lingered softly on my throat and his hand began to trace circles on my lower back. I squirmed away, meeting his eyes for a moment.

"I meant it, Jacob…you're going to get some sleep tonight. I don't even know how you manage, with school and patrols and everything. I haven't had to run every night for hours, and even I am having trouble maintaining my G.P.A. lately!"

Jacob rolled back onto his back, avoiding my eyes. "Yeah, that's something I wanted to talk to you about, actually…" He looked uneasy. "I…uh, well. I'm not going to school anymore," he confessed.

I sat up swiftly and glared at him. If I could have growled at him, I would have. "What the hell, Jake? You're what, a sophomore? Does Billy know about this?" My voice was rising along with my temper. "How could you be so…you have to…OH!" I didn't know what to say. Tears sparkled in my eyes, as they did every time I became angry. That made me even madder, and I stood up to put some distance between us.

Jacob sat up, his eyes flashing with irritation. "Actually, my dad does know, and he's fine with it. We both agreed that keeping La Push safe from vampires was more important than geometry — at least for the time being." He raked his fingers through his shaggy hair angrily. "I was hoping you wouldn't react like this…that you'd understand. I'm not quitting for good, Bella. Only until we figure out what's going on with the red-head and things calm down. But even so, you know that I'm not really the scholarly type — I'd rather go to technical school or just get my GED. Whatever, so maybe I can open my own garage someday."

I was stunned. He did have a plan — I couldn't deny that. And when I saw him staring at me, his irritation quickly dissolving into a look that practically begged for me to understand, I knew I wouldn't be mad at him. My werewolf boyfriend gave new meaning to the term "puppy dog" eyes.

I sighed and settled next to him once again. "Sorry for overreacting, Jacob. You have a lot on your plate right now, and I can appreciate that. I can't even begin to understand how hard it's been. If you and Billy agree —"

"And the rest of the pack," he interrupted.

"Yes, yes…if they all think this is the best thing for you, then I can't argue. Doesn't mean I don't wish you were still in school though," I told him, poking his bare chest with my finger, feigning annoyance. He smiled, because he knew I wasn't angry anymore, and wrapped me up in his warm embrace.

As much as he tried to stay awake, nuzzling and kissing me sweetly, Jacob couldn't fight his extreme fatigue for long and soon he was snoring softly in my ear, my forehead against his chin and his arms around me. I wished I had left the window open to let the chilly spring breeze flow through my room. It was steaming hot enclosed in his limbs. Freeing myself from his clinging arms took several minutes, as he kept gathering me back against his skin the moment I thought I could slip out of bed. Finally, I shoved away from him as he grumbled in his sleep and walked to the window, wiping perspiration from my brow as I did.

I shoved the pane upwards, welcoming the cool air that caressed my skin; feeling especially freshened in those spots where sweat had begun to bead. I sighed contently and my thoughts flickered to other times when cool caresses had felt so welcome, but as quickly as I let them in, I shut them down again. The reverie was broken, and I turned to rejoin Jacob.

As I did, I caught the slightest bit of movement in the corner of my eye. Something or someone had darted into the brush next to the Johnson's house across the street. I gasped without thinking and immediately regretted it as I heard Jacob stirring. It was probably only a dog or raccoon, and I didn't want to disturb Jacob's much-needed slumber.

"Bella?" his sleepy voice called to me.

"I saw something moving outside, but it's probably nothing…go back to sleep," I soothed, returning to his side. He propped himself on his elbow and ran a hand down my side to rest on my hip. The moment felt strangely comfortable, as if Jacob belonged in my bed, bleary-eyed and adorable.

"It was probably Quil," Jacob said, yawning. "He's on patrol around here tonight." His hand slid slowly up and down my hip and I was aware of his eyes roving my body. Despite my misgivings, I felt a thrill of excitement and my heart rate increased. I knew he could tell.

His eyes continued to burn into mine as I stammered, trying to think of anything to distract myself from the growing warmth in my core. Soon he'd be able to tell that I was aroused. "So, um…is there any new gossip among the pack?"

He grimaced slightly and his hand stopped moving. "Well, other than the, err… _complications_ that are arising with Leah's recent transformation, most of the talk has been about, well… _you_."

"Me?" I asked incredulously.

"Well, you know that with the pack mind, nothing can really stay hidden, and…let's just say that they're all very happy for me," he said, waiting for my reaction. I was silent for a moment before my eyes widened and I choked.

"Holy crow! The whole pack knows about us, don't they? I mean, they've seen what's in your head…what happened."

He grinned mischievously and took my hand. "What, Bella…what happened?" I blushed crimson and he kissed both of my cheeks softly, chuckling. "I hate to say that it's something you'll have to get used to, but…" he trailed off.

"I'll have to get used to it," I finished for him with a sigh.

He started rubbing my hip again. "Well, I'm certainly getting used to _this_ ," he murmured, leaning toward me to softly brush his lips against my mouth. He smiled lazily at me as he pulled away. "And don't worry about the pack knowing. It's the least of their concerns right now."

"Right, you were saying something about Leah?"

Jacob's eyes darkened. "She's not making things easy for us," he explained. "Leah…she's very bitter…not that she doesn't have every reason to be… Did you know that she used to be with Sam?"

I inhaled sharply, surprised. I couldn't imagine Sam with anyone but Emily. "No, I didn't."

"They were high school sweethearts. Well, until he met Emily. What's worse is that Emily has been close to Leah her whole life. They're cousins."

My resentment of Sam flared again. I was angry for Leah. "How could he?" I whispered.

Jacob looked uncertain. "Bella, there are a few aspects of being a werewolf that you don't know about. It's too complicated to get into now, but I promise I'll tell you someday soon." His eyes avoided me.

"As if Leah wasn't enough — we've got so many new wolves right now — we're having to work with them on their control as we're making our rounds trying to find that female. It's distracting," he said, sounding frustrated.

"New wolves? You mean Leah, Seth and Quil?"

"And Collin and Brady, too. They just started phasing last week. They're really young, so they need a lot of direction. It keeps Sam busy, and the rest of us are picking up the slack."

"Wow. That makes…ten?"

Jacob nodded, looking off into space for a moment before focusing back on me. "Can we not talk about the pack anymore? Every moment of my day is about being a werewolf, and I just want to relax with my girlfriend for a few hours." He pulled me to his chest, sighing sadly. "I need you right now, Bella."

My heart ached for him. He had to grow up much faster than he ever should have. I mourned the sweet, innocent Jacob who had walked with me on the beach — that Jacob had perished months ago. We held each other for several minutes in silence, two incomplete people who craved that closeness.

He was the first to break our embrace. His eyes were grateful as he gently cupped my chin in his large palm and bent down to kiss me. The moment his soft lips melded to mine, he sighed against my mouth and I could taste his sweet breath. I parted my lips to savor pure Jacob, running my fingers through his still-ragged hair as I did. My heart pounded in my ears as I felt his hands running down my sides and around to caress my stomach. My breath hitched as his fingers hooked under the bottom of my tank top and he raked them against my skin as he pulled my shirt up to the bottom of my bra.

I held my breath and he stopped. "Is this okay?" he murmured as he nuzzled my jaw with his nose. "Do you want me to touch you, Bella?"

His husky voice was making my body quake in anticipation, but I wanted to set some boundaries before we let things get out of hand again.

"I do, Jake," I breathed in his ear. "But I don't want us to get carried away, you know what I mean?" My body was screaming at me to shut up, because his caress set my skin aflame and I craved more, but I was trying to be fair to him and to me.

I could hear the smile in Jacob's voice as he whispered, "Tell me whenever you want me to stop." He tugged a little more firmly on my shirt and I surrendered to him willingly, letting him pull it over my head. I heard an intake of breath and saw him staring at me, a shadow of shame across his features as he looked at my bruises. I glanced down at them and back at him.

Kissing him on the nose, I murmured, "I'm fine…in a weird way, they're a reminder of our date, and I wouldn't change a thing."

Smiling sadly, he tossed the cloth aside and held my waist with his huge hands, kissing me passionately.

When we broke apart, he grinned at me devilishly, rubbing the flesh above my hips on either side gently. "You're so _tiny_ ," he chuckled, his hands following the curve of my hips up and down. "I just want to cover you in my arms so nothing breaks you!"

"Yeah," I laughed, "that's exactly what Edward always used to say…" I realized immediately what I had said and my hand flew to my mouth, my eyes wide. Jacob looked as though he had been slapped. I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at him in horror.

After a moment, Jacob huffed and pulled me close to him again, holding me almost uncomfortably tight. "Well, I'm the one saying it now," he said quietly, his voice fierce. "That's what counts." I answered his hug with one of my own, but my face burnt red and I berated myself for the slip. I thought I felt the slightest vibration of a growl in his chest, but it could have been my own trembling. Suddenly, he fisted my hair and leaned down to attack my neck with his lips. Nipping and licking, he set my skin on fire. I felt utterly possessed by him.

"Oh God, Jake," I cried as he sucked and bit my earlobe, growling softly and tickling as he did. I could feel my resolve crumbling as warmth pooled between my legs. I could hear him in my ear, inhaling deeply, greedily, as my arousal became apparent to his heightened senses.

I squealed as he swept me up from my spot near my pillow and set me gently on the bed, hovering over me like a warm Jacob blanket. I wrapped my legs around his waist and lifted my hips against him as he met my lips with his own. The gentle wind from the window tickled my bare stomach as he slowly moved down my body with his mouth, pausing to kiss my chin, my throat, my collarbone. I loved the feel of the refreshingly icy cool breeze against my skin. Yet, my body was drawn to the fiery heat of Jacob's body. It was such a strange sensation, wanting both at the same time — each sensation made the other more intense.

Jacob's warm fingers brushed my upper arms to my shoulders as he moved to push my straps down.

My bra slipped lower to reveal my nipples and Jacob went to work on them, nuzzling his nose against one tightening peak while brushing the other with his fingertips. I moaned and arched against him as he licked one softly, darting his tongue back and forth against the sensitive nub. I ran my fingers through his hair, pushing his head toward my body as I did. He was breathing hot against my skin as he tickled my nipple with his tongue, suckling it harder as I responded with gasps.

He looked up at me, his eyes dark with desire, his chest rumbling. "Do you want me to taste you, Bella?"

My chest rose and fell. "Yes," I breathed as I nodded. "Please, Jake…"

He moved his hands down my stomach and I lifted my hips so he could slide my pajama bottoms down. My heart pounded as he began to trail kisses along the bottom curve of my breast before moving down. I felt his tongue against the skin of my stomach. He stopped to circle my navel with the tip of his nose, and then pushed himself up so he was face-to-face with my most intimate parts. They were glistening wet for him.

Jacob stared at the dark region between my legs for a moment, a look of wonder on his face. It had been very dark the last time we had been together, so I knew he was truly seeing me in the light for the first time. I blushed lightly. He ran his fingertips along the creases of my legs and my breath hitched. Slowly, he brought his hands to the warm, swollen folds, pulling them apart gently and placing a chaste kiss on my sensitive clit. He inhaled deeply, murmuring "Mmm, so sweet." His tongue darted out and lapped at the wetness. I nearly crawled up the bed as my hips bucked involuntarily. He tickled the sensitive nub with just the tip of his tongue, his eyes watching my face for my reaction. When I threw my head back and cried out, he laughed breathily against my core.

Lifting his head for a moment, he ran two fingers up and down the slick skin, stopping to let them swirl around the throbbing button before moving down so they were at my entrance. He pushed his fingertips in and I gasped. He began to slide them in and out, starting with shallow thrusts and then going deeper. I felt a tightness and pressure when he started to go deeper than his second knuckle, and he slowed his actions.

"Do you want me to put them all the way in?"

"God, yes," I said, my desire-addled mind not fully comprehending what he was asking.

He continued his shallow fingering until I cried, "Jake! Please!"

"Look at me, Bella," he hissed firmly. I locked eyes with him as he plunged his large fingers into me fully, hitting my barrier and, without hesitation, breaking through. I yelped at the sensation, then cringed and held my breath at the sharp spasm of pain. Jacob stopped what he was doing.

"Are you okay, honey?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Hold on," I gasped, waiting for the pain to cease. Keeping the fingers inside of me as still as possible, Jacob leaned forward and slowly swiped his tongue against my clit, allowing the pleasure to override the pain from my broken hymen.

I wanted him to keep going — the desire was becoming much greater than the pain. I nodded, and said, "Your tongue feels so good, Jake. Just…start slowly with your fingers." He slowly pulled them out and I took a ragged breath before he slid them back in. The pain was not as sharp. Again. The discomfort lessened even more. After a dozen slick thrusts of his hot fingers, the good began to outweigh the uncomfortable. "Aah, aaahhh," I moaned deep in my throat as he began moving slowly in a steady rhythm — in and out, in and out. I was so wet, they slid easily. After several minutes, it began to feel amazing again.

My hips moved against his hand, seeking out more friction. His hands began torturing me with their slow, steady thrusting. I wanted more. "Faster, Jacob…oh, please…faster."

He responded immediately with a soft snarl. I moaned his name softly, deeply, and he bent down to continue working my clit with his tongue as his fingers plunged rapidly into my slick center.

I felt that familiar urgency in my belly and I grasped for it. As the warmth spread across my body, I grabbed Jacob's hair firmly in one hand and my other one slid up to squeeze my breast, pinching my nipple gently as I started to tremble in anticipation. I began to make involuntary "ooh" sounds in my throat as I felt the first throbbing waves take over, until I was consumed by a heat that had every nerve in my body tense deliciously, but also had me feeling utterly weak. I could feel my muscles clenching around Jacob's fingers. He devoured my sex, his nostrils flaring as he savored every drop from me.

I pulled him to me for a kiss, not caring that my own essence shone on his lip, mingled with the slightest tinge of blood. I didn't hesitate at the slight rusty flavor, because the flavor of Jacob overpowered all others. Our tongues danced around each other, and I reached for the button of his shorts. The muscles of his stomach contracted as my fumbling fingers tickled him, but soon I had his fly down and was working frantically to tug the denim over his rear.

"Let me help you with that," he chuckled breathlessly, pushing them down while I reached for the elastic of his boxers. He was incredibly aroused, and I took a quick breath in when I finally saw his erection. It was impressive…and intimidating. Jacob was big _everywhere_.

I kissed him softly as my fingers grazed up and down his length. His growls grew louder, and he grabbed my hands to stop me.

"If I hurt you, Bella, you need to stop and tell me," he pleaded, desire apparent in his eyes. "I spoke to Sam about my reaction, and I think I know how to control it, but this is all so new."

"I've never done this either," I murmured, silencing him with a kiss and continuing my stroking. I looked down to stare at my hands working on his imposing manhood and saw a drop of liquid glisten at the tip. I wanted to taste it, to take him in my mouth, but I had no idea what I was doing, or what might feel good for him. I just acted on instinct. Quickly, I bent down and licked it off, tasting him for the first time. I don't know what I was expecting, but Jacob tasted much better than I anticipated – salty and slightly tangy.

I licked him again at the tip and heard him groan. Taking a deep breath, I slid the head into my mouth and Jacob hissed, squeezing my shoulders where his hands rested. It turned me on and I moaned against the skin in my mouth. He responded with another groan. Slowly, I took more of him in my mouth, an inch at a time, until he hit the back of my throat. I stifled a gag, and wrapped my hands around the base so he would be stimulated at every inch. Moving back to the tip, I scraped him gently with my teeth and he gasped. _Mmm, he liked that_! I started to bob my head, sliding him in and out of my mouth, stopping to swirl my tongue around the head, using my teeth occasionally.

Even though it was my first time at this, it was apparently good; Jacob was responding with grunts, tangling his hands in my hair and thrusting gently with his hips. Every few thrusts, I would answer his growls with ones of my own, vibrating my throat against him.

Soon, Jacob became quiet, except for the constant rumbling deep in his chest. I looked up at him as I continued to work his erection with my mouth. He had his head back, his eyes squeezed shut. His arms and legs were rigid and he seemed to be holding his breath. I knew he was close to his orgasm and was trying to concentrate so he wouldn't lose control, but I wanted him to relax and enjoy what I was doing for him. I didn't think he would lose control. I reached up, running my hands across his chest, and murmured, "Jacob?" between licks.

His head rose and he met my eyes. I nodded at him and took him deeper in my throat than before, not breaking eye contact. He began trembling, his hands on my head tugging my hair firmly. His eyes were dark and his face pulled back in a snarling grimace as his hips began to buck more vigorously. I relaxed my throat as much as I could and kept my hands firmly on the base to prevent him from thrusting too deeply. He started pushing my head down with every thrust. My eyes watered as I whimpered around him, aroused and a little bit scared.

He quivered more violently from head to toe before he finally roared, pulling my hair roughly and shoving his hips into my face. I suppressed another choke as I felt warm spurts of fluid hit the back of my tongue, swallowing it quickly and pulling back to lick any traces off of the tip as his member throbbed against my lips.

He had been a lot rougher than I knew he wanted to be, but in a strange way, it made me even more excited. There was something so sexy about him reacting to his primal impulses, and he hadn't hurt me this time.

Even so, his hands were immediately on me, stroking my arms, shoulders, breasts, seeking out any sign of injury. I giggled quietly. "I'm fine, Jake. I'm more than fine, actually." I swiped the tears that had collected in the corner of my eyes quickly, smiling at him sheepishly. His relief was palpable, and his whole body relaxed. He crushed me to his chest as we both came down from our encounter, our heartbeats racing together.

I was just about to pull him to me for a kiss when a frantic howl broke the sound of our excited panting. Jacob stiffened, his eyes widening and his nose twitching as he snapped his head toward the open window. Another howl sounded. He turned to me to utter a panicked, "Bella!" and then he was gone.


	11. Sadness, Strategy, Surrender

Terrified and suddenly alone, I sprang up and locked the window immediately, thinking only of Victoria and the danger that might be right outside my home. A locked window wouldn't even slow a vampire, but it made me feel a bit more secure. As secure as I could possibly feel without Jacob by my side, that is.

I sat back down on my bed, very aware of my solitude. It was like night and day compared to only a few minutes ago, when I had been so close to Jacob, physically and emotionally. The abruptness of his departure shocked me, and I wasn't sure what to do. So I sat there and waited.

And waited.

With every minute that passed, more and more dread and despair filled my trembling body. Finally, when I chanced a look at my clock, I saw that over an hour had passed. Without warning, I felt the hole in my chest tear open with a vengeance.

Crossing my arms in front of me tightly, I cried out in surprise and pain. This couldn't be happening! I curled into the fetal position, my eyes fixed on the window where Jacob had disappeared. My chest heaved with the beginning of hyperventilation.

Even through my despair, I also felt incredible confusion. Why was this familiar anguish returning now, when I was finally taking steps to move on? I was with Jacob! I had made the decision to be with him – he was fixing me and I wanted him to. It didn't make sense that I should feel so suddenly broken just because he had to return to the pack in response to an emergency. He would be back as soon as he could, until the pack needed him again. How could I not understand and appreciate that? After all, they were his family – did he even have a choice?

His family.

Jacob had many obligations to his wolf family – obligations I could never understand, obligations that didn't include me. I gasped, tears springing to my eyes as my panicked brain made a connection.

For the first time in weeks, visions of a party flashed through my mind. Silver-wrapped presents, a drop of red blood, the ravenous eyes of a blonde vampire, Edward's troubled gaze. _Edward_. Edward had left me, gone far away because he had obligations to his vampire family – to keep their existence inconspicuous and to support them in their struggles with their lifestyle. Obligations I could never understand.

The scars in my heart had ruptured because I realized that Jacob could leave me, the same way Edward left me. Could he ever truly be mine? If tomorrow Sam ordered the pack to relocate permanently, he would have to obey. If it was in the best interest for La Push for Jacob to cut ties with me, the "vampire girl," he would have to follow his brothers.

I was stunned and a sob wracked my chest. Through my rapidly blurring eyes, I saw a scrap of frayed cloth in front of me – Jacob's shorts were still at the foot of my bed. I reached out and clutched the fabric firmly to my curled, shaking body, my cheeks already wet with tears.

\-----

My dreams that night were utterly devoid of any color or subject. Just blackness. Suffocating, terrifying blackness. I never woke during the night, but if I had, I would have been relieved at realizing I was not blind or deaf, floating in an atmosphere of nothingness.

\-----

Thank goodness the dreams were temporary. I awoke before dawn, my head pounding from lack of sleep and my eyes swollen from crying. Grabbing my robe, I shuffled downstairs to the kitchen to get a cup of hot tea. Charlie was not home yet – his shift would end at 8 a.m.

I took my tea out to the white plastic chair on our small porch. The air was moist and chilly, and I cupped the mug in my hands to keep them warm. I felt utterly alone in the quiet morning, groaning internally at the idea of going to school that day. I was incredibly worried about Jacob and the rest of the pack, not knowing what had called him from my bedroom the night before.

Sitting there, I allowed my mind to focus — it was time to put my emotions to the side and make some decisions.

It didn't take me long before I realized an important fact. I wouldn't feel so upset if there weren't real feelings of love in my heart for Jacob. I was moving on and healing. It was happening even while I was so confused. The knowledge empowered me, and I made an important resolution. I would not let Jacob's obligations and my insecurities affect our relationship. I would take whatever I could from him and give him all of myself in return. It was how I had always approached my relationship with Edward. Except Jacob was still here, making the effort to juggle those responsibilities and his relationship with me.

I wouldn't mention my newly discovered knowledge either to my wolf-boy either. He had enough to worry about without dwelling on my internal struggle of "Edward vs. Jacob vs. fate." I wanted to be his solace, his outlet when life became too stressful. That's what he was for me, and he deserved that.

"Bella!" a male voice called quietly from the tree line across the street. I jumped slightly, spilling tea on my lap and hissing at its temperature. Seth Clearwater stepped out of the brush, clad only in sweatpants in the cold morning air, looking a foot taller than he was just a week earlier. "Sorry," he said meekly as he saw me stand up, a large wet spot of tea on my robe.

"It's okay, Seth," I said, sighing. "I'm getting used to having random werewolf visitors." I smiled weakly. "Acually, I was hoping I'd see someone from the pack before I left for school. I really want to know what's going on…and that everyone's safe."

Seth met my eyes. "We're all sorry we had to take Jake away last night, Bella. We all wish he could have stayed for the rest of the night." My ears felt hot and I had to look away from the boy, who was blushing himself. "But we had some possible news on the girl vampire we're hunting, and Sam needed everyone."

"What news?" I demanded, and Seth immediately shook his head.

"Sorry, I can't tell you anything," he said sadly. "They're having trouble tracking, so nothing very helpful has been learned yet. I'm sure Jacob will let you know when he can. Anyway, I just didn't want you to worry too much. Jake's fine, everyone's fine."

It was so easy to like Seth Clearwater. I poured the gratitude into my voice as I whispered, "Thanks Seth."

\-----

After sitting in class for hours, with plenty of time to play out dozens of horrific scenarios in my head, work was cathartic. We were doing an inventory, and it kept me occupied for a few hours.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Newton, I'll see you on Friday," I called as I left work at the end of my shift. The air was warmer than usual, but still held onto some of the late winter chill, and I shivered as I walked toward my truck.

I was alert in the dark parking lot, but I still didn't hear him as he snuck up behind me and grabbed my shoulders.

"Aaaahh!" I screamed, whirling around to stab my key in his unsuspecting midsection.

"Ouch!" Jacob rubbed his side where my keychain had grazed him. "Geez, Bella, next time I'll give you some warning!"

"Jacob!" I cried, stretching on tiptoes to throw my arms around his neck. We stood there for a moment before he released me and we walked the rest of the way to my truck. "What's going on? Are you off duty tonight?" He took my hands firmly and turned me to face him.

"Bella, there's something you need to know," he said urgently. "I know that leech used to keep you in the dark about stuff, but I know how important it is for you to know what's going on…"

"Jake, what is it?" I asked, my eyes wide, ignoring his verbal jabs at Edward.

"We think we know what the red-head is planning."

I breathed in sharply and squeezed Jacob's hands in alarm. "What?" I whispered.

"Remember that other scent that we caught…when Sam called off the pursuit? The one we've been trying to find for a while now?" I nodded. "Well, Sam found it last night — that's why I had to go. We were having trouble tracking it, and we actually thought we were too late. But when I was on patrol with Leah and Embry today, we came across it again. We were able to track it this time, so we followed it. It was another vampire…a new vampire none of us were familiar with. The trail took us all the way to Seattle, and Bella," he looked at me with anger in his eyes, "we distinguished at least four different vampire scents, mixed in with that of the red-head."

I was confused, but terrified. "Wha…what does that mean?"

"Sam thinks — and I agree — that Victoria is gathering friends to organize an attack."

My legs were shaking so badly that I almost crumpled to the ground, but Jacob anticipated my reaction and held me close. Mrs. Newton walked by on her way to her car and looked at us curiously before driving away.

"What are we going to do?" I trembled. "Jacob…what if there are more than just the five of them?"

He stroked my cheek with his fiery hand. "We are going to meet with the entire pack tonight. Sam has asked that I bring you — after all, this is your life, too." I started to speak and he stopped me. "I've already called Charlie to say that you're going to be at a birthday party for Quil. He wasn't happy because you have school tomorrow, but I'll have you home in a few hours."

I stood there, stunned, but finally squeezed his arm and said with false bravado, "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get going."

\-----

It seemed like half of the reservation was gathered outside of Sam and Emily's home, near the large fire pit in their yard. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I was surprised to see Billy, Old Quil and Sue Clearwater sitting in a row with Sam. Gathered around were Emily, Jared, Paul, Embry, Quil, Leah, Seth, and two teenage boys whom I assumed were Brady and Collin. They looked so young, and a bit scared.

Also in the circle was a teenage girl whom I didn't recognize. She held tightly onto Jared's hand, looking around at the scene with wide, alarmed eyes. I turned toward Jacob with a questioning look on my face.

"Who?..." my voice trailed off.

"Oh, that's Kim. She's Jared's, uhh…well, I guess you could call her his girlfriend. That's something I'll have to explain later. We're getting ready to start."

Sam stood, and with authority in his voice, explained the situation with Victoria. It was exactly what Jacob had told me earlier. He described what we were there to do — to prepare a plan for protecting the citizens of La Push and Forks, and to organize a strategy for the fight that was sure to come.

Sue had obviously taken her husband's place on the tribe's council. She and Old Quil argued that the residents of La Push needed to be kept in the dark about what was actually happening, but couldn't think of a solution that would take every last member of the tribe away from the area during the fighting.

Billy stood shakily, grasping one side of his wheelchair. "We have yet to hunt our whale this year. We could plan something with the Makahs to make this year's hunt a tribal unity event on their lands — a lesson for all of the young in our culture to learn the ways of our people. It would be something for all to attend. And then we could lure the cold ones here for the battle, when all of the homes are empty for the day." Many around the yard murmured their approval or nodded their heads.

"But how can we lure them? We have no way of knowing when they'll attack," Seth called from the back of the crowd. The crowd fell silent as everyone mulled this over.

Looking around at their faces, I felt their concern. I could also feel the love and loyalty that kept them linked to one another. I saw Emily's shining eyes as she gazed at her Sam. She accepted him whole-heartedly, even with his pack responsibilities keeping them separated for hours and days at a time. I looked at Jared's girlfriend, Kim, and was struck at the devotion etched on her face as they stared at one another, communicating so much without talking. Maybe I was being silly in having the fears I did. A reaction to being left by Edward so suddenly, perhaps. I had no reason to believe that Jacob would do the same thing.

I fixed my gaze on the tall boy — no, man — next to me. He leaned into me, his arm around my waist. My heart thumped as I studied his profile, a warmth settling in my stomach. I was struck with the notion that I wanted him. I wanted nothing more than for him to turn and look down at me with that sweet smile that I'd come to associate with my Jacob.

I felt the love that linked me to him, as tangible as the love coursing through the other people gathered around the fire. I couldn't deny it any longer — I didn't want to — and as this comprehension washed over me, I felt my soul lift, as if a weight had been taken from me. I took a deep breath, feeling like it was the first real breath I had taken in months. At that moment, as if reading my mind, Jacob looked down at me, met my eyes, and smiled.

I understood.

I loved him — was _in love_ with him — even though I still loved Edward. And I would feel that way regardless of what the future might hold because of some wolfy commitments. Jacob was the person making my heart skip and occupying my thoughts.

_I love Jacob_. I murmured the words under my breath, and the thought made me feel warm and pleasant. The corners of my lips couldn't help but curve up slightly as he squeezed me lightly, and we stood there for several minutes more.

Occasionally, someone would start to talk, but no real solution had been presented. Mostly, it was still. As I gazed at Jacob, I could see his forehead crease in worry and concentration. That look was reflected on the faces of every member of the pack. It made me feel incredibly guilty. I was connected to them through Jacob. All of this was because of me — they were all in danger because Victoria wanted to kill me. And all I could do was sit back and watch, helpless as usual. Unless…

I stood up from where I had been leaning against Jacob's car. With a wavering voice, I said, "Victoria is after me, right?" The murmuring crowd quieted as all heads turned to me. Taking a deep breath to steady my words, I continued. "If she knew where I was and thought I was unprotected, she'd come for me."

"What, use you as bait?" Jacob's voice was furious as he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to the Rabbit. "Absolutely not, Bella…you're not risking yourself like that!"

The voices around us were growing. Most agreed with me.

"I think this will work!" Jared said enthusiastically, while Embry added, "Bella's tough, Jake. She can handle this."

"Son, this might be the only way," Billy's voice sounded.

"We will keep her safe, Jacob," Sam said. "You know that is our priority."

Jacob seethed next to me. I put my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest.

"Let me do this, Jacob. I've made my decision — I want to help." He held me tightly and stroked my hair, trembling slightly. He remained silent.

\-----

I spent the next two hours in Sam's yard, strategizing with the wolves. Jacob listened closely, but did not participate, other than nodding gravely every so often. Victoria would know by now that I spent a lot of my time in La Push. We just had to figure out the right time and the right way to try to lure her out of hiding to where I'd be. Before long, I was yawning, and Jacob broke his stony silence to insist that he take me home. Looking at his face, I was shocked at what I saw. His eyes burned and he clenched his jaw. He almost seemed angry with me.

When we got back to my car in the Newton's parking lot, Jacob turned to me and pulled me to him urgently. His lips were hot and incredibly soft on mine. I could feel his love and his panic in his kiss. I pulled away reluctantly, because the kiss couldn't possibly say all that was needed, and I had to talk to him.

"Don't be upset with me, Jake," I implored. "I'm doing what's right. I can't just sit on the sidelines while you all risk your tails," Jacob snorted quietly, "protecting me."

He stared at me long and hard before sighing, his eyes softening. I heard defeat in that sigh, and I knew that he couldn't be mad at me for long. "I'm not mad at you, Bells. I'm just damn worried that this is too much…too dangerous." He stroked my cheek with his warm fingers. "I want to protect you, but I'm not going to lock you up and throw away the key like your bloodsucker did. You're a grown woman. If this is your choice, Bella…then I'll live with it." I smiled gratefully at him and leaned in for another kiss.

"I've made another grown-up choice, Jacob," I whispered in his ear. "I've chosen you."

He pulled me back to smile broadly. "I'm so glad you did…my heart chose long ago. I love you," he said before brushing his lips against mine.

"I love you too, Jacob," I said breathily against his mouth, meaning every word. I opened the door to my truck grudgingly. "Good night."

\-----

A half hour later I had arrived home, washed my face and brushed my teeth, and now I sat in my bed, replaying all that had happened during the last few hours. My stomach was in knots, nervous about the pending battle with Victoria, and euphoric over the latest developments with Jacob.

Jacob was wonderful. Because of him, I was experiencing feelings that had been buried for months. My emotions had jumped around from such highs and lows — it was incredibly confusing, but exhilarating at the same time. I felt alive again. I hadn't felt this way since Edward —

_Since Edward_.

I waited for the sting, but it never came. No pain! I was doing it. I was following his advice. I was being happy. And for the first time, I didn't feel bad about it. I think I had made peace with the fact that Edward would always be in my heart. But he wasn't my whole heart — Jacob was proof of that.

As euphoric as I was about Jacob, and distracted by the tingle on my lips every time I thought about our last kisses, I couldn't ignore the worry over what I had decided to do. Acting as bait for Victoria would be dangerous, but it was necessary. I was resolved that it had to happen, but it didn't make the reality any less frightening.

As I thought about the details of the plan, my cell phone buzzed next to me. I grinned, wondering what endearments Jacob wanted to tell me before I went to sleep.

"Hello?" The smile in my voice was apparent.

"Don't do it, Bella!" Alice's panicked cry begged.


	12. Under Control

I gasped violently. "Alice?" I whispered. "Alice?" I was shrieking now, clutching the phone as if it would fly out of my hands at any moment. "Alice?"

"Bella, please," her voice was sobbing. "You can't do this…you can't go through with this crazy plan to stop Victoria. Don't put yourself in harm's way. Bella, I promised him I wouldn't watch for you, but I couldn't help it…"

Tears were cascading from my eyes as I incoherently babbled, "Alice, Alice, oh my God…," not hearing a word of what she was saying. I continued for a moment before I realized that she had quieted. Silence filled my ear as I tried to calm my erratic breathing and rid my eyes of the stars that had begun to swirl. After another minute, I took a deep, steeling breath. "I miss you so much," I cried softly, hiccupping.

"Bella," her voice was sad. "So do I…we all do. I wish I was there…it's harder than I ever imagined. But we promised Edward, and I had no idea Victoria would still…" Her voice changed. "Bella, you have to tell me everything that's going on! There are huge moments where I can't see you, and it's terrifying."

I wondered how much I should tell her, but then cursed myself for questioning Alice's intentions, even for a second. She was my friend, even after all of this time and pain.

"Well, it was really bad, Alice, for a long time," I admitted. "I was going through the motions, but it was so hard to try to do everything as if nothing had happened. But I'm trying, and it's getting a bit better. Lately I've been spending a lot of time with a friend of mine down in La Push — Jacob Black. He's really helped me since Edw— Umm…since your brother left. You might not believe this, but he and some of his friends in La Push are…well, they're werewolves."

I heard a sharp hiss on the other end.

"Werewolves?" Alice sounded furious. "You've been hanging out with _werewolves_?" Bella! Don't you understand how dangerous they are?"

I immediately became defensive as I thought of my sweet wolf-man. Jacob wasn't dangerous. "Alice, you don't understand. They're protecting me. I have this under control. Jacob would never hurt me."

"No, not deliberately, but that doesn't mean it couldn't happen," she said. A flash of Emily's mangled face appeared in my head as Alice continued. "No wonder I couldn't see you…you were with werewolves." A soft chuckle sounded. "Only you, Bella…I swear. You attract danger like no one I've ever seen."

"Can you tell me what you _did_ see, Alice?" I whispered. "With Victoria, I mean."

She sighed loudly. "I don't see a lot, and that's what scares me. Anytime you're with your new _friends_ (she sneered at the word) or even planning to be with them, I can't see what's happening. You must be alone right now, because I can see your future. If any of those _dogs_ get near you, you'll disappear again. But right now it's pretty clear. I see you preparing to go to La Push to meet Victoria."

She paused for a moment, and I imagined her face, with her eyes slightly out-of-focus as she searched the future. "Now that I know you're planning that, I can see her more clearly too. I'm able to read her because of how closely I watched for her after the baseball game last year. It's bad, Bella — she's created newborn vampires. _Newborns_ , Bella! Erratic, incredibly strong newborns. I can see her leading them to La Push to find you. Your futures are inexplicably entwined now. It's a solid vision."

"When?" I asked quietly.

"I can't tell the day. It's afternoon though, and it's very sunny. There's a parade going on in Seattle when they leave…something with flowers. That's all I can see right now." She sighed, sounding exhausted. "It's your turn…you need to tell me what you're planning."

I launched back into what had been happening since they had left. I told her about Laurent, about Jacob first catching Victoria's scent and of the developments since then. I told her pieces of the plan we had hashed that night, making my part sound minimal. She sighed in frustration as I finished.

"This is not good," she said firmly. "It's so frustrating being all the way…if we had any idea…"

"Are you coming back?" I asked with hope. I was answered by silence. "Alice? Just because he's gone doesn't mean you all have to go."

"Bella…" she started before I interrupted her.

"I needed you so much when he left. I may have lost my boyfriend, but I lost my best friend during this whole mess too. I don't think I can handle talking to you now and then having everything be gone again." I pleaded with her. "Alice? Please say something."

"I don't think I can," her voice was strained. "I want to, Bella…believe me. But, I promised…we promised him…"

"He promised me something too, Alice," I said, my voice tinged with bitterness, but then my toughness melted and I fought back the rapidly rising panic. "Can you do me one favor? At least call me…can't we talk every once in a while? That's not too much, right? It's so good to hear your voice. If that's all I can have, I'll take it."

"I…I don't know," Alice said quietly. "Maybe…if you do me a favor. Please don't bait Victoria. I can't see the outcome and it scares me. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you."

"I can't do that," I said simply. "I have to help them — it's my fault that they're in danger. The pack is my family now — just as much as you and your family used to be. As much as you still are," I admitted softly, my lip trembling slightly. "I'd do the same for you if you needed me."

"Oh, Bella," Alice said sadly, her voice echoing in my ear before a soft click told me she had ended the call.

I cried for two hours after Alice hung up, until my body shook but no tears came from my eyes. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, and finally crawled under my blankets. Between the terror of finding out Victoria's plan, the elation of finally realizing my love for Jacob and the shock of hearing Alice's voice, I had gone through every emotion known to man in mere hours. I fell quickly asleep, not waking until morning.

\-----

I was in a semi-catatonic state for the rest of the week from lack of sleep — going to school during the day, working in the evenings and sneaking out with Jacob after dark to rendezvous with the pack to continue our planning. I couldn't fathom how the wolves managed with such little rest. I was certainly struggling with it. Tyler had to nudge me awake in English and later at lunch I had nearly nodded off into my yogurt.

Jacob had promised us both an entire night's sleep that Saturday. He planned to spend the day with me before leaving to get a full eight hours in his own bed. I was looking forward to some time with him, almost as much as I was anticipating sleep.

Even with the fatigue and stress, it had been a good week because of Jacob.

I was unabashedly affectionate with him now. If he sensed a change in my enthusiasm, he didn't say anything, but it was hard to catch a moment where he wasn't smiling when I was around. Even during the stressful strategy sessions, his face held a resigned smile as his eyes communicated his concern.

Alice's information had helped immensely. Jacob's jaw had clenched fiercely when I told him she called, but when I explained what I learned, he calmed down and admitted it was helpful. We learned that Seattle was hosting an annual daffodil parade the following Saturday, and the 10-day forecast was showing a possible break from the rain that weekend. It all fit. Billy and Old Quil had no problems organizing a tribal event with the Makahs for that day, and all seemed to be going to plan.

Our strategy sessions were going so well, in fact, that when Jacob and I arrived after midnight on Thursday, planning had been cancelled for the evening. Instead, we were surprised to see only a few people in Sam's yard. Sam, Emily, Jared and Kim looked up from their intense conversation and welcomed us. Jacob stiffened next to me when he saw them and I glanced at him curiously before skipping to Emily's side. She squeezed me warmly.

"We're not interrupting anything, are we?" I asked, giving Jacob a quizzical look — he was visibly uncomfortable. He didn't meet my eye, and instead glared at Sam.

"Oh no, you're not," Kim said shyly. "We were just talking about Quil. He imprinted today!" The group looked at me expectantly, but I just smiled back, slightly confused. Kim seemed like she wanted me to share in her excitement, but I didn't understand what she had just said. My confusion must have been apparent because the small circle went silent. Jacob exhaled loudly and Kim's expression was horrified, her ears getting red.

I looked from face to face. "What?"

"You haven't told her?" Sam sounded angry, and Emily's arm around me tightened.

"No, I haven't…not yet," Jacob said bitterly. "It didn't seem like the right time, with all of the preparations for next week. I'm going to talk to her about it, I promise."

"Jacob?" I was a bit worried. "What's going on? Tell me what?"

He was at my side in a flash, pulling me to my feet. "Nothing that we can't talk about later. Don't worry, it's something I was planning to talk to you about when I'm at your house this weekend." I must have looked concerned, because he took my hand and held it against his cheek, seeking my eyes imploringly. "It's okay, Bella."

"O…kay," I said uncertainly, knowing that I would have to trust him to explain this whole "imprint" thing when he was ready. The atmosphere around the campfire had quickly become awkward, and we immediately stood to leave. He murmured a quick, uncomfortable farewell to our quiet friends and pulled me back to his car, while I threw confused glances behind my shoulder at the group of four, huddled together in hushed whispers.

I knew they were talking about me.

\-----

Jacob took me immediately back home, saying little on the way. I would have preferred to spend a few hours with him, but he insisted that I try to catch up on my sleep while he phased and slept in the woods near my house in his wolf form. He kissed me quickly but intensely when we arrived at Charlie's house, and I snuck back to my room as he parked his car down the street and loped off into the brush.

I brushed aside the rising panic at his behavior, deciding to be patient and to trust him, but I couldn't help grabbing my dictionary as soon as I got to my room, looking up the verb "imprint."

_im-print — transitive verb — to mark by or as by pressing or stamping; impress to imprint a paper with a seal; to make (a mark or impression) by pressing; to press or apply to imprint a kiss on the forehead; to implant firmly in the mind or fix in the memory: with on a sight imprinted forever on her memory_

I was confused. Had Quil been marked in some way? Maybe this was some pack tradition I didn't know about yet…a tattoo or something. Why, then, were they so worried about Jacob telling me about this "imprint" thing? Were they afraid I wouldn't approve of Jacob getting a similar mark? How bad could it be?

I stretched out on my bed, fully intending to think about it more, but I must have been more tired than I realized, because I drifted off within minutes. My dreams were filled with visions of random and elaborate tattoos covering Jacob's arms, legs, stomach and face, as Alice's distorted voice echoed through my head.


	13. Screw Fate

Friday came and went the same as most of the other days that week — school, work, homework, a few hours of precious sleep before a strategy session with the wolves. At least I didn't have to work at Newton's that Saturday, and I was looking forward to relaxing. I was very aware that we had only a week before we would meet Victoria, and I was trying to let go of my stress for one day.

Jacob came over mid-morning. He looked exhausted, but kept his eyes from closing as I forced him and Charlie to watch "The Princess Bride" as I ran back and forth to the kitchen, prepping the slow cooker with all of the ingredients for homemade chicken and noodles for dinner that night. I felt in the mood for some comfort food.

Poor Charlie. Earlier, while he flipped through the channels on his way to ESPN, I had seen a flash of Fred Savage sick in bed and squealed. He generously relinquished control of the TV so I could enjoy the movie, and just sat there staring at the screen, his face twisted up in a look of slight disgust. Jacob had just shown up at the wrong time and now sat on the couch watching with a bored look on his face, occasionally laughing at Andre the Giant.

Charlie stood up suddenly, looking like he wanted to flee. "I'm running out to get some bait and other supplies for fishing tomorrow. I thought I'd pick up some lunch on the way back. Want anything?"

In Forks, our "fast food" options were limited. However, I knew that Charlie loved Pacific Pizza, so I told him I'd call some pizzas in and he could pick them up on his way home. He nodded and practically ran out of the door, escaping the chick flick.

As soon as his tires were out of the driveway, I immediately scampered over to Jacob's relaxed form on the couch, catapulting myself onto him, giggling.

"Ooof," he grunted as I landed on his hard stomach. He grabbed my wrists firmly, a twinkle in his eye. "What do you think you're doing, Bella Swan?"

I bent to kiss him and he held me back playfully — my lips were straining to meet his only inches away. I pouted my lip and tried again…and again he held me away from him, staring into my eyes with a mix of amusement and something else. I changed tactics, wriggling against him flirtatiously, noticing his eyes darken when I did so. My heartbeat quickened when I saw his reaction. Our playful wrestling slowed, but his hands remained on my wrists.

"You're being bad," he warned me, his mouth smiling but his eyes serious. He sat up and I tumbled back onto the other side of the couch, where I lay on my back, slightly panting, my hands pinned above my head by Jacob's large hands. "Now, what were you trying to do, bad Bella?" he mused. "Oh, right…this…" He bent down and brushed his nose against mine before taking my bottom lip in his mouth, sucking lightly and running his tongue against it. He stopped abruptly, pulling back to look at me. I must have been a sight, my eyes wild, my lips slightly swollen and my breath coming faster, a permanent blush staining my cheeks. "If you want to be a good girl again, you could ask nicely." Damn. He was teasing me! I loved confident Jake!

"Please?" I whimpered. "Kiss me…please?"

His voice was a low chuckle as he quoted the movie. "As you wish…"

With a growl, he bent to me again and kissed me roughly, still holding my arms above me. We kissed for what seemed like an hour, tasting each other and playing with tongues and lips. Every time Jacob inhaled, he would kiss me with more fervor as the scent of my arousal became more and more obvious. Finally, one hand left its grip on my wrist and ran down my arm. He cradled my face in his palm as his lips brushed my cheeks, my eyes and my chin.

I moaned and whispered, "Jacob, I love you." Everything felt perfect. I softly murmured, "I wish it could be like this forever…" He pulled away and his expression wasn't what I expected. He looked pained. Did he not believe me? My eyebrows furrowed and I whispered, "I do, Jacob. I love you."

"I know you do," he said. "And you know I love you too, right?"

If I hadn't been worried before, I was now. His grip on me loosened and we both sat up, the moment regrettably over. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Is everything okay? It's not…Victoria…is it?"

"No, no," he reassured me. "But I do have to talk to you about something…and I'm not sure exactly where to begin."

"Is this about what happened the other night?"

He sighed. "It's not something you and I have to worry about, but Sam thinks it's better if you know — if you understand." He seemed to brace himself before continuing. "Did you understand Kim when she said something about imprinting?"

"No."

He took a deep breath and took my hands. "Imprinting is another one of those wolf things that we didn't understand until we studied the legends," he said gently. "It's a way we find our soul mates. It only happens after we have phased. If we see her, we just know. It's an immediate, intense connection, and it remains with us our entire life. But it's sporadic, for all we know. It probably won't happen to everyone…it's supposed to be rare. It has only happened to a few of us. Quil just imprinted this week."

I looked at him with wide eyes, almost afraid to ask my next question. My head was spinning, but one I had to know one thing. Could I dare hope to have such a strong life-long bond with Jacob? Could all of my fears about his other obligations be alleviated?

He had said 'a few of us…'

"You love me," I said simply. He nodded, his face unreadable. "Have you…have you imprinted with me?" I couldn't keep the hope out of my voice.

Jacob cupped my cheek in his palm and grazed his thumb over my lips. I couldn't read his face, and I hoped beyond hope that this could link us together for life.

"No, sweetie," he whispered, obviously hating to say it. "I haven't."

"Oh." I looked down, tears flooding my face almost immediately.

Jacob tilted my chin back up, meeting my pained gaze with one of his own. "Hey," he said softly. "It doesn't happen for everyone. It doesn't change how I feel for you, Bella."

I clenched my teeth. "Look at me," I said fiercely, through my tears. "Really look at me… _see_ me…imprint on me, Jacob…" My voice wavered, betraying me. " _Please_ …"

"It doesn't work like that," he said sorrowfully, letting go of my hands to hold his head as if in pain. "It's totally involuntary." He saw my expression and became angry. "I knew that I shouldn't have put this all on you…damn Sam! It doesn't even matter for us anyway! It's not going to happen to me."

"You can't say that," I said, starting to hyperventilate slightly. "What if you imprint someday with someone else? Where will that leave me?"

Jacob didn't respond.

I gasped, realization flooding my mind. "That's what happened with Leah and Sam! He imprinted with Emily, and Leah was left alone and heartbroken. Jacob! That could happen to us."

Jacob remained silent for a moment, but there wasn't anything he could say that would alleviate the panic was I feeling. Finally, he spoke in a firm voice.

"Impossible. I'll always love you," he told me. "For the rest of my life. Even if I never would have had my chance with you…if he never would have left you. I still would have felt this way until I died. I only see _you_ , Bella!"

I just shook my head, speechless, as my eyes spilled over again and again. He grabbed my upper arms and shook me. My ears buzzed, and it took me several seconds to realize that he was shouting at me.

"Bella? Bella! Listen to me…I love you! You have to believe me. I've waited so long for you…you have no idea…" Suddenly, his hands were on my cheeks, warming my tear-cooled skin and wiping the water from my face. His expression was desperate, and he finally leapt at me, kissing me full on the mouth. His panic and his overwhelming love were evident, and it broke me from my spell.

I grabbed his hair roughly, pulling his face even closer to mine and wishing we could meld together. We held each other impossibly tight, until I had to break away to draw a ragged breath. His hands groped down my back and squeezed my rear, and I gasped through my still-falling tears and fisted his shirt to bring him to my lips once more. He eased me down onto my back and stretched atop me, supporting most of his own weight. We tangled together, kissing fiercely. My legs wrapped around him roughly and his hands burnt me deliciously as they rubbed and squeezed from my back to my thighs.

I was angry. Not at Jacob, but at the circumstances that always seemed to keep happiness an arm's length away for me. I didn't doubt Jacob's feelings for me, but now I had no choice but to doubt what fate might have planned for us. I was also scared. I didn't think I could handle losing him too. He was the only part of my life that kept me sane after Edward broke my heart. And now he was my life and my heart.

I pulled away from him abruptly. I felt the need to tell Jacob exactly what I was thinking. He hovered a few inches from my face, looking troubled, even as his eyes were dark with desire.

"Jacob," I said firmly, with gravity. "I love you. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am, and you're the reason I'm here. I'm not just going to give you up — to give up on us because of some stupid wolfy superstition." I cradled his face in my hands, leaning in until my lips were nearly brushing his. "So fate can do whatever it wants, but I'm telling you that I'm not giving up."

I kissed him, and when I broke from his mouth to nuzzle his jawline with my nose, he breathed, "I don't want you to give up, Bella. I'm here…I'm staying here with you. I'm not giving up either. We can tell fate to go screw if it has other plans for us!"

I laughed throatily, feeling a thrill of panic and rebelliousness as Jacob trailed soft kisses around my ear. My despair faded but the fear was still there. It was me and Jacob against the world, and it was exhilarating and terrifying.

\-----

Sunday night, well-rested and surprisingly cheerful considering the stress hanging over our heads, Jacob and I arrived in a large clearing several miles away from La Push. Sam wanted to practice some strategic sparring, and needed the space for the ten wolves to do it, away from the eyes of the unaware members of the reservation. Walking into the field, I was immediately reminded of a vampire baseball game, one year earlier. The thought made a small smile come to my face, but no pain arose in my heart. I laced my fingers through Jacob's as we approached the pack, standing around in their human forms. I saw Leah standing off a bit, by herself, and I felt a flood of pity for her. The fear that had been dormant since Saturday afternoon prickled my heart a bit. Could the same fate she suffered happen to me?

"Bella," Sam nodded at me, his gaze flickering to Jacob quickly. Jacob nodded tersely, and Sam relaxed. "Emily and Kim are over between those trees if you'd like to join them."

"Sure, sure," I said, giving Jacob a quick peck on the cheek as he chuckled lowly.

As I walked away, I heard Jared whisper, "Did you tell her, man?" Jacob's low voice murmured something I couldn't hear, but I couldn't resist turning my head and meeting his eyes. He beamed at me and I blew him a kiss. We were a united front.

Emily and Kim were whispering and giggling, and when I walked up they turned red and fell silent.

"What?" I asked. "Were you talking about me?"

Kim burst into nervous giggles. Emily's eyes were kind. "No, don't worry Bella," Emily said. "We were just having a personal discussion." Kim giggled again, her cheeks pink. "We were discussing what it's like to, uh, be with our wolves. Kim is new to the experience, so I was trying to give her some advice."

 _Be with the wolves_? I had no idea what she was talking about until Kim brazenly asked, "So, you and Jacob haven't had sex yet, right?"

"Excuse me?" I spluttered, shocked. My face took on its usual shade of crimson.

"Oh, sorry…I didn't mean to embarrass you," Kim said, apologetically. "I didn't think you had, but I didn't want to assume. It's just…it's so _different_ than I thought being with someone could be. Better, in a lot of ways, but overwhelming in others. I have so many questions for Emily…I hope you don't mind, Bella."

"No, it's fine," I said quickly, turning to watch the pack as they started phasing and preparing for their battle practice. But soon I found myself eavesdropping on Emily and Kim, and before long I was sitting cross-legged with them, enthralled with what Emily had to say.

"It's such an intense experience," Emily explained. "More so than with a human man. Sam gives himself over to his instincts, and the whole experience is very animalistic, but at the same time, it's with so much love and devotion."

"Does he ever hurt you when he's…um, caught up in his instincts?" I asked. "Because Jacob…" I stopped myself, horrified at what I was about to share. That was between Jacob and me. At least I thought it was, until Emily patted my arm.

"I know, I heard," she said sympathetically. "He gets rough when he orgasms…he loses control a bit, correct?"

"How did you…" I stammered, before remembering — nothing was secret in the pack.

"The first time Jared came when I was giving him a blowjob, I thought he'd stab me through the head with his dick," Kim said laughing. "I was terrified! I had never even done that before, and I thought I was going to die."

"It gets easier," Emily said gently. "They learn to control themselves through practice. It's best to just brace yourself when you know it's close. They'll never hurt you deliberately…" Her voice trailed off, and her scars seemed to shine in the scarce moonlight.

"But when they do finally reign in all that wolf aggression, it is incredible!" Kim exclaimed. "Jared is so generous, and seems to anticipate every need I have. And he's so warm and muscled and…big! I can't count all of the orgasms I have!"

"Are you and Jacob thinking about having sex, Bella?" Emily asked. "I know you've done some other things, but if you're thinking about it, I might be able to help prepare you for what it might be like."

I looked at Emily and Kim, their smiles so genuine. They had a lot to be happy about. Their wolf men had imprinted them…they were linked for eternity. As much as I needed advice, my situation was different from theirs. _Me and Jacob against the world_ , I thought.

"Please don't take this the wrong way, Emily…Kim," I started. "But when it's time for me and Jake, I think we'd both feel more comfortable if we figured it out together."

Kim shrugged her shoulders and Emily just squeezed my hand understandingly. We fell silent, our gazes fixed on our wolves.

\-----

I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, Jacob was gently shaking me awake.

"Bella, honey? It's time to go home."

I sat up to see the wolves phased back into their human forms, still milling about and chatting. Jared and Kim were kissing and Sam stroked Emily's hair. I held out my hands so Jacob could pull me to my feet, and he wrapped his arms around my chilled arms. I hadn't realized how cold I had been curled up on a blanket on the grass.

"You okay?" he said lowly. I nodded, kissing his bare chest. "Well, then…let's get you home before Charlie wakes…" His words stopped abruptly with a choking gurgle. All around us, heads snapped up, furious growls sounding in the chests of the wolves. Many of them began trembling and Jacob roughly pushed me several feet from him, and I stumbled back and landed on my rear. He hissed "they're here!" before exploding into a mass of fur and muscle. A huge, russet wolf — _MY wolf_ — landed in front of me, shielding me from the line of trees with his body.

Terrified, I looked around to see that I was in the middle of a semi-circle of massive wolves, Emily and Kim at my sides. They were clutching at me, fear in their eyes. _No! This isn't the way Alice said it would be_!

The growls intensified and I turned to the tree line to see several black shadows moving toward us stealthily. The battle was about to begin, whether we were ready for it or not.


	14. Mirage

My eyes were fixed on the stalking figures in the trees. The shadows were moving very slowly for vampires…they seemed to be very deliberate and careful. In a few seconds, they'd be in the clearing. I tried to count them. _One, two, three_ …there didn't seem to be more than five or six, but I couldn't see if there were more behind them. I was terrified, yet couldn't look away from my potential death.

The wolves snarled viciously, loudly. The rumblings in their chests seemed to shake the ground on which I was standing. Emily and Kim were grasping either side of me and trembling themselves, making the vibration even more apparent.

Suddenly, the dark black wolf I knew to be Sam stopped growling and gave a sharp bark. I braced myself for the attack I knew was coming, closing my eyes and whispering, "Jacob," softly.

"We're not here to harm you, or the humans," a ringing male voice called out. My eyes flew open in confusion and fixed on the golden-eyed speaker. "We honor the treaty between our kind."

I gasped violently. My voice sounded feeble and unsteady, filled with disbelief. "Carlisle?"

"Bella!" he said in relief, his smile expressing his joy and love in seeing me again. Around him, more figures came into focus. Rosalie. Jasper. Esme. Emmett.

_Alice_.

Her pixie face was alight with delight as her eyes met mine. If I could have soared over the wall of wolves in front of me to get to her, I would have. Instead, I stood there staring at them all, quaking with adrenaline, my wild eyes shining with tears and gratitude over seeing them again.

To my left, Sam had phased back into his human form, but kept close to the pack. He was naked, but I hardly noticed because of everything happening. Directly in front of me, Jacob had resumed his throaty growls, but was being nudged roughly by the two wolves on either side of him, as if they were telling him to settle down. I began to walk to Jacob's side to try and calm him, but when he heard me moving behind him, he turned and gave me an angry bark, as if to say "stop." I froze.

"Why are you here?" Sam demanded, his voice strong and unwavering. "We understood you to be gone from the area permanently."

"We know of the pending attack by the newborns from Seattle, and we've come to offer our assistance," Carlisle said. "If you'd like, we can work together, but either way…we're staying and fighting. We won't let any harm come to Bella."

Several eyes turned my way, both human and wolf. I just gulped, stunned.

"We have this under control," Sam seethed. "Bella will be fine."

"I can't know that for sure," Alice's chiming voice called out. "My latest visions have several more newborns…as many as nine."

A rumble went through the pack at this news.

"Please," Carlisle took another step forward, his hands up as if in surrender. "My son Jasper has experience with newborn vampires. He can help prepare us for their attack. I only ask that you let us help. We do not want to see any blood shed either. You don't need to sacrifice any of your lives to defeat these vampires…please."

The wolves looked to Sam, who was obviously struggling with the decision. Jacob continued his growls, backing up slightly until his haunch nudged my leg. I reached over and threaded my fingers through his fur, but my eyes never left the Cullens.

"Alpha, we have always respected the agreement your leaders made with us so many years ago," Carlisle gently reminded him. "We are on the same side." Another rumble passed through the wolves.

"I must confer with my brothers," Sam said gravely, phasing to his wolf form as soon as he said it. The pack grew still, yet their eyes were still wary. I knew they were communicating with the pack mind.

I studied the Cullens, wanting more than ever to run to them, kiss them, feel them to make sure they were really here. Alice bounced from one foot to the other, anxiously watching me. It was obvious she wanted to reunite with me just as badly. Emmett gave me a broad, dimpled smile and winked. Esme's hands were clasped in front of her heart, and she mouthed "Bella" when she saw me glancing her way, her eyes joyous. Jasper gave me an embarrassed smile. I was sure he still felt ashamed for what happened the last time we saw each other. I returned his smile, trying to assure him that all was forgiven. Carlisle was gazing at me with great pride. Even Rosalie's eyes looked relieved to see me. I tried to ignore the fact that one member of their family was nowhere to be seen. _Like he'd care_...

The wolves continued their silent conversation. After a few minutes, Jacob snarled viciously and made a motion to leap toward the vampires, and several of the wolves pinned him down. My attention returned to my struggling, furious wolf-man.

"Jacob!" I pleaded. "Please!"

Sam again stood before us on two legs, turning to address the Cullens once more.

"We will accept your help," he said, "but don't expect this partnership to last beyond this battle. We are natural enemies, regardless of your lifestyle and our treaty. We will not seek to continue this alliance."

Carlisle nodded. "We understand. And we will let you take the lead if you'd prefer, but I hope you use the talents of some of my children to your advantage," he said, motioning toward Alice and Jasper. "If you might, could you share the plans you've discussed thus far? We have so much to be caught up on."

It was obvious that Sam was struggling with the idea of working with vampires, but he was doing what was best for the tribe. He turned to the wolves. "Jared, Paul, Seth, and Leah — please phase to your human forms and join me. Collin, Brady...? Why don't you run some laps around the area and check for unfamiliar scents?. Quil…Embry...? Take Jacob home to cool down." Speaking directly to Jacob, Sam added with gravity in his voice, "Jacob, phase back and go. You will calm down and accept my decision."

At once, the wolves disappeared and I found myself surrounded by several tall, naked people. They dressed themselves with speed. Leah pulled her t-shirt and shorts on so quickly I barely realized she had phased. I saw my chance and pushed past Jacob, running with all of my heart toward Alice. In true Bella style, I stumbled a few feet from her and fell into her arms awkwardly, sobbing as I did. She held me tightly, cooing in my ear and stroking my hair softly. Her chilled embrace reminded me of Edward, but I shoved that thought away quickly. Suddenly another cool set of arms encircled my waist. Esme.

Emmett rumpled my hair affectionately and Jasper put one cold hand on my arm, projecting intense feelings of relief and love my way. Carlisle and Rosalie stood a few feet away, watching our group embrace with smiles. In the background, the pack watched with disgust.

"I missed you all so…so much," I gulped, laughing shakily.

"As we did you," Esme said warmly. "You're a part of our family, Bella…we hated to have to leave."

"Well, why did you?" an angry voice behind me growled. I whirled around, still holding Alice's waist, annoyed by Jacob's hostility but struck by the reality that I wanted the answer to that same question.

Rosalie stepped forward, her eyes flashing with fury, but Carlisle held her back. "We were honoring a request from a member of our family," he said softly, looking at me apologetically. "Edward felt that our presence was a danger to Bella. He loves her so much, that he would do anything to keep her safe...even if it means not being with her. I didn't agree with him then, and I don't now, but it doesn't change the fact that he is family and we had to respect his wishes."

I inhaled sharply, hearing their reason for the first time. I always knew that Edward asked them to leave even before talking to Alice on the phone, but hearing them say how they never wanted to leave me behind was all I needed to hear. However, I was struck to the very center of my heart to hear Carlisle saying that Edward loves me — loves...not loved in the past tense. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea, it was so unexpected and so contrary to his words to me the day he left.

Emmett whispered a low "sorry" and Esme looked stricken. I smiled sadly at them as my mind raced.

"Why would you respect his wishes," Jacob was seething, "when he never gave Bella that same respect?" I snapped my head toward him, miffed at his tone but feeling incredible guilt for my split-second doubt at the mention of Edward and his love for me. Jacob might be wrong in this instance, but at least he was _here_...sticking up for me. That was more than I could say for Edward.

"Jacob, they had to," I replied firmly, looking at the furious face of my boyfriend, still being held back by his friends, trembling from head to toe. "Edward is their son, their brother. Wouldn't you do anything if someone in your pack asked you to?"

Jacob snorted. "Seemed pretty easy for them. You're the one who had to suffer."

"Do you think we didn't suffer?" Alice's voice was cold, like I'd never heard it. "Every day of the last seven months has been torture for me…for us! We love Bella, as much as we love each other." The tears that had been dwelling in my eyes for the last few moments finally spilled over. _They still loved me. They had missed me_.

Jacob was silent, but fuming. I didn't want to leave the cool embraces of my beloved vampire family, but I knew I had to talk with Jacob.

"Please, don't leave," I whispered to them, knowing that they meant to stay for the battle but unsure how long after that they would remain. A moment of intense panic hit me as I took my first step away from them. "Stay in Forks…you don't have to go away again." I took one more step away. "I have to go with Jacob right now, but I promise I'll come see you as soon as I can. I love you," I finished, looking at every one of them as I said it.

A warm hand encircled mine and I flinched involuntarily, surprised. Jacob's eyes on me were sad and uncertain. "Come with me, Bella."

We were silent on our walk back to his car, Embry and Quil flanking us on either side. Every step I took away from the Cullens forced a soft sob from my chest.

\-----

"So does this just make everything he did to you okay?" Jacob seethed. It was a half hour later, and Jacob and I were parked down the street from my house. Quil and Embry had taken off into the woods near my house as soon as the car had stopped. I knew they were close, but they didn't want to be around for what was sure to be an intense conversation.

Jacob had been venting to me for the last five minutes, while I sat patiently and listened. "They all left you, Bella. They didn't even say goodbye. How can you just…forgive...I mean, they don't deserve it!"

He held his head in his hands and was finally silent. I touched his arm gently.

"Jake?" I murmured quietly, choosing my words deliberately...wanting to convey how much I meant everything I said. "Jacob, it doesn't change a thing between us. Remember? It's me and you against the world…"

He looked up at me through his lashes, still furious — but listening. I continued.

"They are like my sisters and brothers and parents. You have to understand that. They left because they felt they had to when Edward requested it…but it hurt them to do it. They're not Edward...they…they didn't leave because they wanted to…" My voice broke with a small sob. "They wanted to stay here," my chin was quivering uncontrollably. I was voicing harsh realities that still stung me to my core. "They didn't hurt me. _Edward_ did…when he left me. And he hurt me again when he asked them to leave me. Please…I need them. They're my family."

I was crying at this point. I needed him to understand. His face softened at my anguish and he gathered me in his arms, where I sobbed against his shoulder for several minutes.

"Don't cry, Bella. They're not worth all this pain."

His words only made me cry harder, and I wailed, "What makes them so different from you?" I felt Jacob stiffen in my arms and I pulled back to continue. "You left me. You became a werewolf and were told to stay away from me, and you just left. After you _promised_ you wouldn't hurt me."

"That's different! I had no choice!"

"Neither did they, Jake," I said, the sobs causing my chest to heave. "Not when Edward insisted. They're a family and they'll stay together no matter what. It's their nature."

"Their nature?" Jacob scoffed, and I couldn't hide the disappointment in my eyes at his sneering tone.

"They're not the bad guys…they came back here to help me," I said softly, the tears continuing to spill. "To help you and the rest of the pack. They're risking themselves here…how can I not forgive them?"

He sighed and held me closer, allowing me to cry as much as I needed.

I could feel a shift in the argument and I knew he was seeing reason. It was a start. I clung to him — my warm lifeline — and felt entirely comforted.

Finally, the tears lessened. My sobs subdued. I pulled back and took both of Jacob's large hands into my own, gazing into his eyes with intensity.

"Jacob, I want you to know…I'm…I am not crying over Edward. He is my past. _You_ are my future, and I love you. You know that, right?"

He nodded slowly, and I leaned in to kiss him swiftly.

"Just because I forgave the Cullens for leaving doesn't mean I forgive Edward… You're starting to help me realize a lot about my relationship with him, now that I see what _we_ have. Jacob, you're my friend _and_ my boyfriend…I never realized how important it is to have both. You treat me like an equal. We're a team. It was never like that with him, and you were right when you said he didn't respect my wishes. You listen to my thoughts, my feelings…what _I_ want, and you don't overreact and make my decisions for me. And that's how I know that you'll be okay with me spending time with them."

A grudging smile began on his face as he comprehended my words.

"I just have a feeling that we'll always have that bond for the rest of our lives," I said with confidence. "You were meant to be in my life. All this talk about fate and imprinting we've been having lately…well I'm telling you, _that's_ fate!"

"I love you," he whispered, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "If you tell me you'll be safe around the Cullens, then I'll get used to it. I have to respect what you want…and my only concern would be for your safety in a house full of vampires. But if you really feel that it will be okay, then I only have one request…"

I lifted my eyebrows. "What's that?"

"Take a shower after you visit them…otherwise you'll absolutely _stink_!"


	15. Reunited and It Feels So Good

I reluctantly started another week of school, tired and tense. Walking through the halls, I overheard snippets of conversations — about dates, baseball games, homework — and felt totally alone among my peers. I was dealing with stresses that were unprecedented for the typical 18-year old. My only relief was Angela, whose light conversation kept my mind preoccupied for the short time we were together.

My stomach was a ball of nerves. I was planning to go to the Cullens' house right after school, and I didn't quite know what I would ask or say. Jacob knew where I would be headed, and even though he said it was okay, I knew he wanted to run a wide perimeter of their house in case I "needed" him. I tried to assure him it wasn't necessary, but he told me it would make him feel better. I understood the gesture, but it reminded me of something Edward would probably do. It wasn't something I really expected from Jacob.

As I walked out to the parking lot with Angela and Ben, I heard a lot of murmuring from my classmates. There was a cautious, curious circle around where I parked. To my pleasant surprise, Jacob was leaning against the side of my truck, and my classmates were giving him a wide berth. I suppose he did look intimidating if you didn't already know him — six feet and several inches of Native American muscle. My face broke out in a smile and Angela nudged me, grinning.

As I drew closer, however, I saw Jacob's face. It was furious — his nose wrinkled and his eyes wide. I finally saw the short figure that Jacob's massive frame had been blocking. Alice had also come to Forks High School to greet me after class. She leaned against the back bumper of my vehicle, her nose also wrinkled but a less intimidating expression on her sweet face. Next to me, Angela gasped quietly and glanced at me with concern.

"It's okay, Angela," I told her. "I knew they were back…but…Edward's not with them. It doesn't matter anyway. See you tomorrow!" With that I left Angela shocked, with her mouth hanging open, and I broke out in a trot. I threw myself into Jacob's scorching hug, trying to prove a point to him by greeting him first.

He hugged me back gratefully and we both turned to Alice, who was watching us with surprised eyes. I held Jacob's slightly vibrating arm as I walked the few feet to her — dragging Jacob behind me — and squeezed her around the waist. "I'm so happy you're here!" I told her.

"I had to come…not because I was eager to see Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie again, but I saw that you would need some help finding the turnoff for the house. It's grown over quite a bit since…um, since we left." Her eyes dropped, ashamed.

I let go of Jacob so I could hug her tightly. "It's okay, Alice. You're here now. I'm not angry with you guys. I can't wait to get caught up with everyone — even Rosalie. Let's get going." I turned to pull my boyfriend down for a quick kiss, murmuring my affections, and noticed Alice stiffen slightly. Ugh, I guess we would have to talk about that…I forgot that she hadn't been able to see anything blossoming between Jacob and me.

Jacob said in a controlled voice over my head, "I'm not entirely comfortable with this, but if you think everything will be okay, I'll go on and head home." I shot him a questioning look, but couldn't help smiling at his progress. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "Call me if you need me…I'm only a few minutes' run away." And then to Alice, he said, "Don't think I won't come to that house if I feel Bella is in danger."

Alice's eyes flashed as she retorted, "I would never put Bella in danger if I could help it dog…I mean, _Jacob_. And don't worry — she reeks of werewolf so much that I think our control will not be an issue. Like anyone could eat something that smells like that…"

"Guys…" I warned, as I climbed into the truck. Alice gracefully slid into the passenger seat, an innocent expression on her face.

"I'll behave," she promised with a small sigh.

"I'll be out there if you need me," Jacob reminded me. "I love you, Bells."

"I love you too," I said firmly, kissing him through the driver's side window and watching as he walked to his motorcycle and sped off quickly, weaving and dodging around the cars lined up to get out of the lot.

Once we were on the road, Alice grasped my hand in her tiny, cold ones and turned to me with questioning eyes. I anticipated her question and answered it for her. "Yes, Jacob and I are together," I said firmly, glancing at her with a hint of defiance. "I can't sit back and wait for Edward to come back to me. I deserve to be happy."

"I never said you didn't, Bella," Alice said quietly. "But a young werewolf? If you thought Edward was dangerous…"

"I never, for a single moment, thought Edward would hurt me…physically," I added softly. "And Jacob won't either. You don't know him like I do."

"And you don't know werewolves like _we_ do," Alice stressed. "When I told the rest of the family, they were…well, we are all worried about you. Carlisle seemed to think everything would be fine, but Emmett and Jasper were nearly ready to start World War III in La Push. I think they're as protective of you as Edward always was. But you have to realize…with our family and the pack so entwined in your life, Victoria is just one of the dangers for you right now."

I shook my head vehemently. "I know you can't see what will happen, Alice, but I have faith that everything will be fine. And as far as Jacob and the pack…I hate to sound harsh, but you'll just have to get used to it."

She was silent for several minutes. She wasn't searching the future, she was just…still. Finally, I couldn't stand it.

"Alice, please tell me what you're thinking."

Her voice was small. "I just wonder how…I mean, you _loved_ Edward!"

I cringed slightly. "I still love Edward," I told her softly, "but when he left me, he told me how he really felt about me." I shook my head. "I was such a fool…"

"You can't believe anything Edward told you when he left," Alice cried. "He would have said anything to make it a clean break…he made a huge mistake when he left, but he thought it was for your own good. He loves you Bella…he _still_ loves you. I'd bet my existence on it."

A lump formed in my throat. I heard Alice's words, but Edward's harsher ones rang in my ear. _You're not good for me, Bella. It will be as if I'd never existed._

"So why isn't he here now?" I demanded. "If he's so in love with me, why is he staying away while you're all here fighting to protect me?" Alice's fingers tightened around my hand and her eyes flashed black for a moment, angry.

"He doesn't know we're here," Alice said, gritting her teeth. "I haven't seen or heard from him in months, and I don't think he's contacted Carlisle. Last I saw, he was in South America, attempting to track Victoria to keep her from you." My jaw dropped. "So you see, Bella…he's still thinking of you, trying to protect you. Don't think so poorly of my lovesick brother. He would do anything for you."

I suppressed a hurt, sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, everything but stay with me." Alice didn't retort. "It doesn't matter anymore, Alice," I said. "I'm glad to be with Jacob. He doesn't smother me or overreact…and we don't have to hold back when we're with one another."

"Everything you were missing with my brother," she murmured sadly. "Edward was such an idiot about so many things. I know he wanted to stay away forever and let you have a clean break, but I don't think I can stay out of your life anymore. Our family is tied to you, and he is a member of our family. What would you do if you saw him again someday?"

Pain pierced me at the very thought of seeing him again. "I honestly don't know," I said quietly. "I told myself he'd want me to move on, and I have. I am totally in love with Jacob. But it doesn't matter. When he left, he meant for it to be forever."

Alice's beautiful face was pitiful and conflicted. "I can see that you're happy, and I'm glad. It doesn't mean I'm not sad you won't be my sister now."

We were drawing close to the turnoff to the Cullen house and Alice pointed it out. I would have totally missed it; she had been right. "What about the others, Alice?" I whispered, unsure. "How do you think they'll feel about the whole situation?"

Alice thought for a moment, her eyes blank. Finally, she gave me a sad smile. "It will all be fine, Bella," she said. "A lot of us can't understand why you're so close to werewolves, but you've never been one to make predictable choices — it's part of what makes you Bella. And like I said before…you're a member of our family. We're just so glad to be reunited with you!" She squeezed my hand for support as we began the weaving trip up their driveway.

My foot had just touched the top step when the door flung open and Esme bounded gracefully toward me, her arms open and a wide smile on her face. "Bella!" she exclaimed happily, pressing her cheek against mine and squeezing me firmly. Tears sprang to my eyes and we held each other. Carlisle appeared behind her and beamed.

"Hi Carlisle," I said shyly over Esme's shaking shoulder. If she were capable of tears, I knew she would be crying. She released me reluctantly and ushered me through the door, where Emmett was waiting with a crushing hug of his own. He spun me around and we laughed together, like nothing had changed.

Emmett set me down and I looked up to meet the dark amber eyes of Jasper, who stood a mere foot in front of me, silently. The last time we had been this close, he was snapping at me as I lay in a pile of glass and blood. His eyes looked so sad, and I felt his guilt and shame in waves. I reached up slowly and stroked the side of his face. I had never been this close to him, but he was still my brother. I concentrated on my emotions to show him that I wasn't angry or scared — I was happy, and perhaps a little anxious about their reactions.

"It's okay, Jasper," I said softly. "There's nothing to forgive."

His eyes seemed to lighten and a small smile twitched on his lips. Then, to my surprise, he stepped forward and hugged me stiffly, then quickly stepped back and walked to Alice's side. She was giggling in delight watching the exchange.

Rosalie seemed to hesitate near the couch, so I took the initiative. I walked calmly to her and hugged her. She stiffened, but then relaxed and hugged me back briefly, whispering, "It's nice to be back."

"I'm glad you are," I responded, releasing her and looking around at all of their faces. Esme motioned for me to sit down, Alice settling next to me.

"Would you like some water, Bella?" Esme offered and I nodded gratefully before looking back at the Cullen patriarch and taking a deep breath.

"So, where did you go when you left?"

Carlisle smiled. "Well, first we went to Denali in Alaska — we have some like-minded friends there, and it gave us the opportunity to collect our bearings and plan our next move. Emmett and Rosalie wanted to get away alone for a while, so they traveled in Africa for several months while the rest of us settled in central New York state. Jasper, Esme and I enrolled in Cornell for the spring semester, and Alice had started attending a local high school almost immediately."

"But we were terribly unhappy away from you, Bella. You've made Forks into our favorite home," Esme's sweet voice chimed as she handed me a bottle of Aquafina. I looked around the room at all of them. They looked so happy, yet still so strained. They even seemed to avoid my eyes. I decided to address the elephant in the room and get it over with.

"Where's Edward? Why isn't he with you?"

Carlisle and Esme looked at each other and she sat down on the couch, covering her face with her hands. It hurt me to see her so obviously in pain. Carlisle placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He hasn't been with our family since October, Bella. He decided to try to find Victoria, and has been gone ever since. He doesn't know we're here, obviously. We promised him we wouldn't interfere, but knowing that she is hunting you…we just can't ignore it."

"If he's tracking Victoria, doesn't he know she's here?"

Emmett snorted. "He might be good at a lot of stuff, but tracking isn't one of them."

I turned to him. "Then why haven't you told him she's here?"

He shrugged. "We haven't talked to him in months."

In the background, Esme whimpered sadly. "He doesn't have his cell phone anymore, and he's not contacting us."

I looked around at their sad faces, feeling incredibly guilty. If only I hadn't cut my finger…

"Don't, Bella," Jasper's quiet voice came from the corner of the room, obviously feeling my guilt. "This is not your fault. If the fault lies with anyone, it lies with Edward and me. I was the one who couldn't control my...instincts. And Edward made the choices that we're all struggling with now. He decided to leave Forks, and you. And he decided to leave us too."

"But why?" I whispered.

Rosalie huffed. "If you hadn't already noticed, Edward is prone to over-reacting once in a while."

I chuckled sadly. "Yeah, I guess he is." We all smiled sorrowfully, sitting for a moment in shared, comfortable quiet. I gave a large sigh…I had even missed their stony silence.

Alice piped up. "Let's not all sit around and mourn…Bella, tell them your good news!"

"My… my good news?" I asked, confused.

"Bella's in love," Alice giggled, "with a werewolf!" Every head snapped toward me, and my ears grew hot. "It's Jacob Black," she continued, oblivious to my apparent embarrassment.

"I…um," I stammered, not knowing what to say. I wondered if they'd yell at me for my dangerous foolishness. I also felt as though they were accusing me with their silence — wondering why I had moved on from Edward — until Emmett spoke up.

"A werewolf, huh? Geez, Bella…I guess a nice, normal human boy just isn't your cup of tea!" His face held a wide smirk. "Mike Newton never stood a chance with you!"

"I'm so glad for you," Esme added warmly. "And I know Edward…well, he'd want you to be happy."

"It hurt to let him go," I said softly. "I don't think he'll ever be out of my heart completely, and I hope you know how hard it was for me to move on. I don't want you to be angry with me for this."

Carlisle eyes flashed. "We could never, Bella. It was not your fault that you and Edward are no longer together, and we could never have expected you to pine your years away for someone who's no longer here." Esme and Emmett nodded in agreement and I felt waves of calm and smiled at Jasper gratefully. Carlisle continued, cautiously. "But, are you sure he's safe to be around? We love you and will support whatever choice you make, but I just want to make sure you understand the risks involved."

"I'm sure, Carlisle…and, I appreciate your concern. But I know Jacob better than anyone else, and I have faith in him and his control. Just like I do for all of you."

"Speaking of your werewolf," Rosalie started, "are you sure you want to go along with this plan of theirs? It puts you in great risk, Bella."

"I'm sure," I told her. "I trust the pack with my life — they've already saved me once." The Cullens all nodded; no doubt Alice had filled them in regarding the Laurent situation. "And now that you're here, we'll definitely have the advantage. I just hate that you're putting yourselves in danger because of me. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic that you're here…it's just that you didn't _have_ to come."

Alice moved at my side and put her arm around me, squeezing me softly. "Yes we did," she said firmly. "I don't think you realize how important you are to us. Whether you're with Edward or not, we love you." Tears smarted my eyes at her words.

"Thanks, Alice," I whispered. "Do you even feel that way now that I don't want to be changed?"

Rosalie sighed in relief. "Not at all...I don't know how everyone else feels, but I think that's good news, Bella. Your humanity is too important."

We all fell silent. I fidgeted a bit in Alice's embrace, but they remained like stone. After a moment, Esme spoke up.

"So, you love Jacob Black, then? You're happy?"

I smiled at her. "I'm very happy, Esme. I was so broken when Edward left me, and Jacob fixed me. I don't know what you would have returned to see if he hadn't been there for me. I was like a shell of myself. He's really wonderful. I hope you all get a chance to see that."

"Hmph! Making friends with a werewolf…that could be interesting," Emmett said. "If we could get past the smell, at least — which reminds me…you stink like wet dog, Bella! Ouch!" he exclaimed as Rosalie smacked him on the arm.

I rolled my eyes as he dropped next to me on the couch. "Watch it, Emmett," I said, a teasing smirk on my face, "or I'll have my boyfriend beat you up." The Cullens laughed, and I nudged him playfully. Alice took my hand, and we all remained there for the next three hours — talking, laughing, and sharing stories. It was like old times, with only one glaring absence.

Alice insisted on accompanying me back to my house that night. "I miss Charlie," she whined. I was torn. I knew that Charlie would be happy to see his favorite little ball of energy, but I knew her presence — her family's presence — would make him worry about me and my frame of mind. Alice's pleading eyes won me over, and she also promised that she would take me to the combined vampire/werewolf 2 a.m. pow-wow. And so here we were, in my truck on our way home, Alice sitting in the passenger seat.

She sighed audibly at our steady speed, and gave me a critical once-over with her buttery eyes. "What happened to you, Bella?" she asked, her voice sounding sad. "I was finally starting to get through to you about fashion, and now I see you in flannels? And…is that dirt on your jeans?" Her voice was horrified and I snorted in laughter. "How did you get dirt on your jeans?"

"Well, to be honest, Alice, this is the fourth time I've worn them this week," I said, a smirk on my face. I waited for her reaction, and she didn't disappoint.

"Bella Swan! That's just…that's disgusting." She shook her head. "That's it, I'm taking you shopping. You have only five days until Victoria comes to La Push, and I'm making sure Jacob sees you in a different outfit every day."

"Alice…" I griped. She held up her hand, shushing me. I rolled my eyes, amused. "You know, for someone so interesting, you're kind of one-dimensional, you know that? You really need to branch out with your interests."

"What would you recommend?" she asked, her smile apparent in her voice.

"I don't know…gardening? Origami…or maybe tennis?" We laughed together as I pulled into my driveway. Alice practically flew out of the truck and pranced around me as I walked in the front door.

As usual, Charlie was parked in front of the television, a can of Rainier beer in his hand — his beloved "Vitamin R." The Mariners were losing on the screen. It was just another Monday night. Until a twinkling voice called out, "Charlie?"

My dad's head flew around at us in the entryway, his eyes widening at the sight of a quivering Alice, who squealed and launched herself at him. I scoffed, but couldn't help smiling as I saw Charlie hugging her back tightly, a broad smile on his face.

"Well, Alice…how are you doing, hon?" He was happy, but his eyes were cautious as they fell on me. I grinned at him, trying to silently convey that all was well.

"I'm great, Charlie! It's so nice to see you again…I was telling Bella when she was over at our house that I just had to come and see you! And then Bella said, 'why don't you just spend the night, too?' I hope I wouldn't be too much trouble…I just missed her so much." I opened my mouth at her words, but closed it quickly. Alice was a master at manipulating my dad, and was setting the stage beautifully for us to sneak out that night.

Charlie looked at me. "Alice, you guys were at your house? Is your whole family back then?" He didn't say it, but I knew what he meant by the question. _Is Edward back then_?

"Most of us are," she replied. "Mom was unhappy in L.A., and wanted to spend some time back here for a week or two, while I was on spring break. I think she's trying to convince Dad to move back. Oh, Charlie! It's so good to see you and Bella! California is nothing compared to Forks!"

I stifled a laugh and Charlie just looked dazed at her incessant chattering. Alice grabbed my hand and said," Come on, Bella. You have to catch me up on all of the gossip from our old crowd," and pulled me up the stairs to my room. I obliged, looking back with a grin as my father gave a confounded wave in our direction.

Once we were in my room with the door closed, I turned to talk to Alice, but she was already in my closet, throwing clothes around, making exclamations of horror occasionally. I sighed and sat on the bed. Same ol' Alice…same beautiful, sweet Alice, whom I had missed so much that I didn't object to her using me as a living doll that she could dress up.

She flounced out, carrying a few articles of my clothing. "Seriously, Bella? Do you own anything besides flannel anymore? This is so hard to work with!" I just grinned at her as she let out an exasperated, "Gah!"

"So, what's going to happen tonight?" I asked her as she held belts up to an oversized blue and black flannel, her brow creased in concentration.

"Hmm? Tonight? Oh, of course. Jasper is going to teach us, and the pack, how to fight newborns. They're very different from older vampires in their fighting style." She considered a pair of tight black yoga pants, throwing my jeans to the side, where they landed perfectly in my laundry hamper. "Remind me to have you tell him a bit of his story…that way you'll understand."

"Are _you_ going to fight, Alice?" I asked, quietly. I couldn't imagine my tiny friend battling a snarling, red-eyed vampire. Esme either.

"Of course, Bella," she chirped, holding up her final design. "Now come here so I can see how this looks on you." I obliged without a word, my mind racing with worry for the Cullens and the pack.

Alice and I arrived in the clearing just after two in the morning. She had carried me on her back, and I couldn't help remembering happier times racing through the woods. She set me down gently and stepped away from me as she saw Jacob approaching in his human form. His eyes were wide with concern, and I could tell he was sizing me up and down, looking for any sign of harm.

Finding none, he wrapped his arms around me and murmured, "I missed you."

I laughed softly, pulling away to place a kiss on his bare chest. "You just saw me at my school earlier!"

He buried his nose in my hair. "Still…," he said with a grin, before grimacing. "Ugh, your hair smells horrible! I can't even smell your shampoo." I punched him lightly in the stomach, scoffing. I noticed Alice narrow her eyes at him and Jasper chose that moment to come to her side, perhaps sensing her annoyance.

I gave her a warning glance. "Alice, play nice."

She looked shocked, a "who, me?" innocent expression on her face, and the two of them walked to join the rest of the Cullens. Emmett looked excited, Esme uncertain. I knew Carlisle dreaded the thought of killing another creature, even one as dangerous as Victoria.

Jacob walked me over to a grassy spot on the side of the clearing. I looked around for Emily and Kim, but realized they were nowhere around. "Sam and Jared thought it would be safer for them if they stayed home," Jacob confessed. I felt a flare of anger, but Jacob's expression pleaded with me to understand. "Sam and Jared don't know the Cullens like you do. It's hard enough for them to accept their help. Honestly, I figured the Cullens would try to leave you at home to keep you away from the Big Bad Wolf," he said, smiling.

I understood, but I still plopped myself on the ground with a huff. He stifled a smirk and leaned down to press his warm lips to my forehead. In the darkness, I heard Carlisle's voice ring out. "Can we begin?"

I strained my eyes to see Jasper walking to the middle of the field, motioning for his family and the pack to meet him there. Jacob turned to walk from me, tugging his shorts down in preparation to phase. I couldn't resist breaking the tense silence with a whistle when I saw his toned rear. He threw an amused look over his shoulder and I blew him a kiss. His human body disappeared and in its place stood my enormous russet wolf.

I stared in awe for the next two hours. I couldn't hear most of what Jasper was saying, but I watched as, one-by-one, each of the Cullens stalked forward to practice attacking him. Alice's grace and talent aided her well in her defense, while Emmett's burly strength made him dangerous when on the offensive. I cringed as Esme was cornered by Jasper again and again in their battles, her dislike of fighting and her limitations apparent. Rosalie and Jasper came to a draw nearly every time they sparred, Emmett snarling instinctively each time he saw his brother stalk toward his wife. Carlisle surprised me with his skill, besting Jasper several times. During it all, the wolves lay in a semi-circle around the scene, watching with alert eyes and occasional growls.

I was just starting to nod off when I noticed the Cullens getting ready to leave and some of the wolves phasing back to talk to them. Groggy and stiff, I stood up. My clothing was damp from dew and I suppressed a shiver. My throat was scratchy and I groaned as I swallowed. _Ugh_.

Through the darkness, I saw the shape of a giant wolf coming toward me. Some of the other wolves whined and Sam, in his human form, shouted, "Jake!" warningly. The wolf didn't hesitate until he was right in front of me, ducking his head until his wet nose bumped against my cheek. I giggled and ran my fingers through the thick fur on the sides of his face.

"Hey Jake," I murmured. Jacob sat on his haunches and rubbed his head in the crook of my neck in a wolfy hug. I was aware of everyone watching us — Jasper had a slightly disgusted look on his handsome face. I didn't care. I scratched his head while he thrummed contently in his throat. "Are we all done here?" I asked him, looking into eyes that were _my Jacob's_ warm eyes. He nodded his head and stepped back from me. In an instant, the wolf was gone and a naked Jacob stood before me, unabashed. He pulled his shorts on and hoisted me up into his embrace, where I wriggled against his heated skin, trying to thaw as much as possible.

We must have looked intimate, because everyone avoided our private embrace for nearly 15 minutes until Alice pranced up and paused a few feet away.

"Bella? We need to get you home. Charlie will be waking in less than an hour."

I reluctantly detangled my limbs from Jacob's comforting warmth, pausing only to brush my lips softly against his. He sighed into my mouth and pulled me closer for a few more moments of our kiss. We pulled apart and he nuzzled his nose into my hair, murmuring, "love you."

My answering whisper conveyed my emotion. "You too…so much."


	16. Out of Commission

I awoke Tuesday morning to the sound of my alarm. With a grumble, I hit snooze and then realized that my throat was raw and my neck ached with swollen glands. I sat up slightly, groaning again as I felt the stiffness in my arms and legs and the stuffiness in my nose. I suppressed a shiver and gathered my blankets around me once again and plopped back onto my pillow. Now was no time to be sick.

I suppose it was inevitable. I had been depriving myself of sleep and hanging out in chilly, mist-filled clearings for hours at a time. Mustering up my energy, I called out. "Daaaaad!"

Charlie came to my door a few moments later, holding a cup of coffee and already dressed for work. "Yeah, Bells?"

"I'm sick," I groused. "Can you call school and tell them I won't be in today? I'm pretty sure I have a fever." Charlie nodded and asked me if I needed anything. "No, it's okay. I'll just try to get some sleep and have some soup or something a little bit later."

"I'll call and check on you later today, then," he said before turning and leaving.

I grumbled to myself and turned on my side, staring at the window where the first signs of light were coming. I slowly drifted back to sweet, blissful, needed sleep.

***

Not even an hour later, I was roughly awoken by strong hands grabbing my shoulders and a voice shouting at me. Terrified, I shrieked, and then opened my eyes to see Jacob and Quil standing by my bed.

"Jake, what the hell?" I croaked angrily, snatching my covers to pull them up to my neck instinctively. My head throbbed at me as I gave them both the stink eye.

"I had to see if you were okay, Bella…I didn't know if you were..." Jacob said, "Quil's been keeping tabs on the house today, and when he didn't see you leave for school…well, he let me know. I thought something might have happened."

"With Victoria?" I asked, my voice softening in my pained throat. Jacob shook his head no and looked very guilty. "Well, what else could have possibly happened? Wait, did you think maybe one of the Cullens might have…" His face told me I had hit the nail on the head. "Jake! I thought this wasn't an issue!"

"I'm trying, Bella," he said, rolling his eyes. "I'm sorry…I overreacted." He sat down on my bed and looked me up and down. "So what gives? Have you decided to drop out too?"

I gave him a weak punch in the arm, feeling suddenly sleepy now that the adrenaline had calmed. "Ha ha, very funny. Actually, I woke up this morning feeling pretty rotten — I think it's a cold, but I feel like crap and didn't want to take the chance of being miserable in class all day and infecting half of Forks High School." I yawned.

Quil silently climbed out of the window while Jake and I continued talking.

"I knew all of this was pushing you too hard, hon," he said, gathering me against his bare chest. He jumped slightly when I pressed my cold fingers against him, trying to warm them. His heat was comforting, and I found myself drowsing again. "Can I get you anything?"

"Don't need…just…sleep…soup," I mumbled as I drifted off in his arms. I was vaguely aware of him laying me down gently and kissing my forehead before my sleep took me.

***

Several hours later, I awoke on my own accord. I stretched, still feeling miserable but not as exhausted. My pajamas were clinging to my body with sweat — my fever must have broken during my nap. Without warning, I heard a soft snore and sat up in bed, confused. I looked at the rocking chair out of habit, but the snoring wasn't coming from there. I looked around and saw the source of the noise.

Jacob was curled on the floor next to my bed, fast asleep. He had covered himself with my bathrobe, but it barely covered his shoulders and back. He looked uncomfortable, but I didn't want to wake him — he needed sleep even more than I did.

I pulled back my covers and tiptoed past his drowsing form to the bathroom. I made a face when I saw myself in the mirror. My hair was plastered to my forehead and dark circles stained my face under my eyes. My mouth tasted sour. I grabbed some Tylenol and brushed my teeth. Peeling off my damp clothing, I turned the hot water on and stepped into the shower. It felt heavenly as I scrubbed my hair and stood under the steaming water. I stayed in until the water began to lose its heat.

Wrapping one towel around my hair and one around my body, I snuck back into my room to grab some clothes as quietly as possible so as not to wake Jacob. When I pushed my door open, I saw that it was not necessary. Jacob sat cross-legged on my bed, holding a bowl of chicken noodle soup and looking at me with a warm smile.

"I found some in the pantry downstairs."

"Oh, Jake," I croaked, going over to kiss his cheek. "You're too sweet."

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. His breath was warm on my ear. "And you're too tempting…why don't you get dressed and then you can have your soup?" I nodded and set about grabbing some sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt before I went to my underwear drawer for a bra and panties. I felt Jacob's eyes on me as I pawed through the cotton, silk and lace. Grinning with a light flush, I selected a sports bra and some comfortable cotton underwear and took all of my selections back into the bathroom with me.

Soon I was back in my bed, slurping broth and scooping up noodles. I always thought there was something magically healing about chicken noodle soup, but soup made by Jacob seemed to make me feel even better. Finishing every drop, I thanked him and handed him the bowl when he held out his hands.

"Is there anything else I can get you?" he asked, setting the bowl on my nightstand and taking my hands in his. I could feel the start of another fever coming on, and shuddered as a chill went through me.

"Maybe…a Coke?" I asked. He nodded and stood to retrieve it, but I stopped him. "And then…could you just lay down with me? I'm starting to get chills again…"

"Of course, Bells," he said softly, picking up the empty soup bowl. "I'll be right back."

Once he left the room, I sighed contently and rubbed my eyes. He was entirely too good to me. I moaned and stretched, and when I opened my eyes, I was startled to see Alice standing at the foot of my bed, my window slightly open now.

"Bella, is everything okay?" she asked me, coming to sit on the bed. "I saw myself going to the high school to see you during lunch, and you weren't there. So I just skipped all of that and thought I'd come here."

"I'm sick, Alice," I said, "You couldn't see that in your vision?"

At that moment, my bedroom door flew open and an enraged Jacob stood there, trembling — a can of Coke in his hand. When he saw that it was Alice, he calmed somewhat, but they stood there staring at one another with furious looks on their faces.

Alice turned back to me, her nose wrinkled. "No, I couldn't see that…you must have been with Jacob. I can't see you at all when you're with the dogs." I heard a quiet growl from Jacob's chest at her words.

I held my now-aching head. "Guys, really? I'm sick and not in the mood for your bickering. You two need to be nice to each other, or leave. It's up to you," I grumbled.

Jacob's angry face faded and he walked to my side, handing me the soda. "I'll be good," he said, sticking his lower lip out in an exaggerated pout.

I laughed lightly. "Jake, hon…I think you shook this Coke up too much. I really don't want it to explode, so could you maybe get me another one?"

"Sure, sure," he said, his eyes flickering to Alice quickly as he left the room again. I whirled to Alice.

"I think you surprised him," I tried to explain his growling, "but even so, you don't have to antagonize him, Alice! He's important to me…the most important person in my life."

Alice sighed. "You really do love him, don't you…" She smiled sadly. "I'll do better, I promise. But only because it's for you," she added as Jacob came back in the room with an unshaken can of soda. He sat next to me as I opened it and rubbed his hands up and down my arms to keep me warm.

"Can you see anything new for Saturday?" Jacob asked Alice politely. I leaned against his heat, happy that he seemed to be trying to get along too.

"I can't right now," she explained. "Whenever your kind are too close, I'm totally blind to the future." Her eyes were careful, and I had a suspicion she wasn't telling us something. "But it still seems like everything will be as we planned…it's definitely Saturday, probably close to one in the afternoon."

"Thanks," Jacob voice was gruff, and he took my half-empty can from me and eased me down onto my side, laying next to me and spooning me closely. I sighed and snuggled into his warm skin. Alice looked slightly uncomfortable, but Jacob said, "Bella has a fever…I'm trying to keep the chills away."

"Of course," she said, her voice just a bit too bright. "Shall I leave you alone?"

I sat up slightly. "No, Alice…please stay for a while. It's nice to have you both here with me." The two of them gave each other a wary glance, but seemed to relax slightly. "Jake, are you going to take me tonight, or should I have Alice?"

"Bells, I think you need to rest and get better," Jacob said. I started to retort, but he interrupted. "Saturday is going to be a stressful day, and you need to be at your best."

"All I'm doing is standing there," I complained. "How difficult is that? I can do that if I'm sick."

"I agree with Jacob," Alice said, and I turned to her, surprised. "Besides, when you're sick, you don't smell as good…and you have to be able to lure the newborns to you. Most vampires avoid feeding on sick humans — the blood doesn't taste as good."

Jacob trembled slightly as Alice talked about how good I would taste. I sighed, disappointed. "I'm not going to get Jacob sick, am I? Maybe I should quarantine myself from the pack. Jake, can…can werewolves even get sick?"

"I don't know," Jacob said, unsure. "We heal from injury really quickly, but I don't think we've ever thought about germs and stuff. I don't think anyone's had a cold or the flu since phasing…Jared still has his allergies, though, and Seth has had to use his asthma inhaler a few times."

Alice looked thoughtful. "You wolves certainly are interesting creatures. I didn't see anything like an illness being an issue on Saturday, but next time I'm away from the wolves, I'll check. But, it still might be a good idea for Jacob to keep his distance." Jacob snarled softly at her words, and she held her hands up. "Just until Bella's better, Jacob! We all need you to be at 100%...my family included."

He softened. "Oh," he said simply. "I guess I didn't think about that. We really are working together on this, aren't we? You want to protect your family, just like I'm protecting the pack and Bella."

"Bella is our family, too," she reminded him. "We all want the same conclusion here."

We all fell silent. The atmosphere was slightly awkward, and finally, Jacob stood reluctantly.

"I guess I better go, then," he said quietly. "I'll miss you Bells…hurry and get better soon."

"I'll let you both know when she'll be better," Alice said to Jacob. He nodded.

He kissed my cheek tenderly, lingering just a moment and whispering, "Love you…"

I smiled up at him. "I love you too," I said, my voice slightly nasal from the cold. I blinked once, and he was gone. Shaking my head, I couldn't help but laugh, "Everyone is so much faster than me."

***

Alice and I spent the afternoon downstairs, watching television while she brushed and styled my long hair several different ways. As the time drew near for Charlie to be home, I still didn't feel very well. At one point, Alice's face went blank as she saw something in the future. When her focus cleared, she admitted I probably wouldn't be able to see Jacob until Friday, and that tomorrow I'd feel even worse than I did today. Discouraged, I stomped upstairs to the bathroom and took some Nyquil so I could at least have a long, uninterrupted night of sleep. Then I rejoined Alice, whom I found in the kitchen making a sandwich.

I snickered as I saw her. "Hungry, Alice?"

She smiled as she worked. "I thought I'd make it for Charlie. I don't know much about human germs, but I don't think you should touch his food. I don't want him getting sick…" Her concern for my father touched me. I knew she loved him, but it was another thing to see her caring for him like a second daughter. "Jasper's on his way over," she casually remarked. "He wanted to go over a few things with you for Saturday."

As if on cue, a light knock sounded at the door, followed by a loud booming one and a snicker. Alice sighed. I went to answer the door, and found Jasper on my porch, Emmett behind him with a big grin on his face. I could feel Jasper's annoyance, and it made me annoyed too.

"Emmett, please behave yourself," I pleaded in my croaking voice. "Jasper and I have important things to go over."

Emmett's smile faded. "Aww hell, Bella…I wasn't going to do anything. I knew you were sick and I wanted to check on you. And I missed you, too…" If a vampire could blush, I knew his cheeks would be pink.

My annoyance faded immediately. "Sorry Emmett," I said, stepping forward to hug him. His nose wrinkled as I did. "Werewolf?" I asked. "Jacob was here earlier."

"No…you just smell weird, Bella. You really must be sick. Usually you smell so good…"

I sat down on the couch with a plop, moaning as my head throbbed from the action. "I really need to get better by Saturday," I mumbled as Jasper sat next to me. My headache and muscle pains immediately faded, and I looked at him in wonder. He shrugged.

"I wanted you to feel some relief," he said simply. I smiled at him, taking a deep breath through my now-clear nasal passages. I felt almost normal again — Jasper's gift was incredible. We sat there in comfortable stillness; the only sound that of Alice humming as she fixed Charlie's dinner.

Finally, Jasper spoke. "Bella," he began, "I wanted to take the opportunity to explain why I'm so involved in the planning process for this battle. Alice mentioned my past but didn't go into detail, right?"

I nodded. It had been interesting and curious to see the rest of the Cullens defer to Jasper during the late-night sessions — I had always seen him as on the outskirts of the family, being the newest "vegetarian" and all.

"Well, I haven't always led such a relaxed existence, Bella. For a long time, my life was about war." He held his arm out to me and I studied his skin, gasping as I noticed the faint criss-cross markings covering every inch. How had I never noticed these scars?

"Are these...?"

"Vampire bites," Jasper nodded. "Specifically, _newborn_ vampire bites." And he proceeded to tell me a heartbreaking story of his change at the hands of a woman named Maria. My eyes grew wide at his description of vampire wars in the South, in which he was a crucial participant. Finally, he told me how he broke away from that lifestyle and found Alice.

I was speechless, and hugged him before I realized what I was doing. He froze, but didn't push me away. I was grateful he trusted me enough to share his story. Emmett chuckled at Jasper's strained face over my shoulder, and I broke away, feeling the discomfort rolling off his body. Jasper ran his fingers through his hair shakily, his eyes fading from dark to their usual golden hue. "Sorry," I sputtered.

"It's okay, Bella…your cold and the medicine you must have taken are making you quite resistible. Anyway, now that we have that out of the way, let's talk about your position and responsibilities for Saturday."

I clutched a pillow to my stomach as anxiety settled over me. It was immediately placated by Jasper's gift.

"I will meet Emily at her aunt's house at 8 a.m. to get a shower and wash any traces of vampires or werewolves from me. The two of us will head to the beginning of the easternmost walking trail in La Push at 9 a.m.," I began. "I'll have good boots and comfortable clothes on. Alice will call me on my cell phone to tell the two of us where to walk. We'll follow her directions and walk several miles into the forest surrounding La Push, then I'll remain in the Clearwater's yard until the battle and Emily will go to the Makah reservation."

Much to Sam's discomfort, it was necessary to have Emily's assistance with this part of the plan. I didn't know my way through many of the La Push trails, and we couldn't have a werewolf or vampire show me the way, because we needed a clean scent that could be picked up by the attacking vampires. The Clearwater's house was in a central location on the reservation, giving us a buffer before we hit the ocean — if Victoria's group made it there, they would have an advantage over the werewolves.

Jasper nodded and handed me a tissue for my now-running nose. Alice continued her quietly-hummed song from the kitchen where she continued preparing Charlie's dinner. I noticed that she had already finished three sandwiches and was working on a fourth, and I snorted in laughter as I blew my nose.

"I don't think he'll be that hungry, Alice," I said, wiping my swollen nose. Emmett settled next to me on the couch and threw his granite arm around my shoulders where it was surprisingly comfortable. I nestled against him, pressing my feverish forehead against his chest.

Jasper hesitated before he spoke. "Bella, I have to ask you something, and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. But it's important when dealing with a newborn." I motioned for him to continue, my eyes wide. "Is there a chance you'll be…menstruating…on Saturday?"

I spluttered, the my cheeks turning crimson. Emmett chuckled lowly. "No," I managed to gasp.

"Okay," Jasper looked thoughtful. "That's a shame. It really drives newborns crazy." He glanced at Alice, who was now standing in the doorway. "Okay Bella, there's something I'm going to ask you to do, but I couldn't ask you in front of Jacob. He's too protective of you and would try to stop you."

"I want to do anything to help," I said firmly, sitting up and feeling a slight head rush from the Nyquil. "What is it?"

"I know you're squeamish about…your blood," he said, his eyes glinting black for a moment before he gained his composure. "But I wanted to see if you would consider cutting yourself to leave traces of blood along the trail, and then make sure you have some on your clothes for when they come to you at the Clearwater's."

I looked at Alice and Emmett, and their faces were serious. "If you think that's a good idea, then I'll do it. But won't that distract you guys too?"

Emmett gave me a squeeze and I leaned into him, suddenly exhausted. "No way, little sis. We can control ourselves, and we don't want any harm to come to you. But it will distract the hell out of those newborns…maybe even enough that we can finish them in a few minutes."

Alice spoke from the doorway to the kitchen. "I've been looking very closely at what might happen, and it's difficult because the werewolves make everything disappear. But I see you walking with Emily, and your arm is bleeding. And I can see you after the battle with me, and we're both safe." Her eyes went out of focus for a second before she broke out into a big smile. "Now that you've made the decision, I can see the outcome more clearly. Jazz, you take me to Seattle next week to celebrate." She giggled as she walked to his side and they gazed at each other for a second, sharing a moment of joy and relief that they both apparently would be okay after the battle.

"What about Rose?" Emmett said quietly. "Can you see what happens with her?" I noticed that he didn't ask about himself. Alice was quiet for a moment before grinning at him. His face was relieved.

I stood to walk over to Alice and my legs failed me. Emmett caught me before I could hit the ground. I chuckled against his shoulder, feeling drunk as the room spun. The Nyquil was finally taking effect. I heard Alice and Emmett speaking in low voices, but all I could make out was "medicine," "sleep" and "room."

"I'm tired," I mumbled as I felt myself being carried up the stairs before giving way to blissful sleep.

***

Nearly thirteen hours later, I woke up. I shook, sniffled, swallowed and cursed Alice for being right about her predictions. My nose was totally blocked and I could barely swallow. It would be another soup and Tylenol day.


	17. The Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's lemon time!

By the time Thursday night came, I knew I would be able to go back to school on Friday. I had never been more relieved to be over an illness in my life. When Alice arrived after Charlie and I had finished dinner, I happily skipped to her, giving her a gleeful hug.

"You look much better," she observed loudly, then leaned close to my ear and whispered, "And you smell delicious…" I shuddered once, and then beamed at her. She laughed and pulled me down next to her on the couch before turning to my father.

"Charlie?" her sweet voice rang. "Now that Bella is better, could she spend the weekend with me? I've had so many plans for the two of us, but I had to put them all on hold when she got sick." Alice made a pouty face, and I saw my tough, no-nonsense father melt into a puddle of goo.

"Well, I really don't want her to overdo things and get herself sick again," he started, watching Alice's hopeful face, "but as long as you don't stay out all night and let her get her sleep, I'm fine with it. Sue wanted me to go to some tribal event on Saturday anyway." His face turned red and I almost laughed to see where I inherited my blush. Charlie began to clean the table off and I gave Alice a quizzical look when he was out of sight.

"Tomorrow night too?" This hadn't been in the plans. I was staying with the Cullens on Saturday night, but I had assumed I'd sleep in my room on Friday and meet them first thing Saturday morning.

"Of course, Bella!" she said, smiling knowingly at me.

I couldn't hide my disappointment — I had hoped to spend some time with Jacob before the battle. Alice, as if reading my mind, smiled sympathetically.

"You know Jacob will have to meet with the rest of the pack."

I nodded, my eyes blurring with tears a bit. It had been days since I'd seen him, and I was so worried about him fighting the vampires. I would never tell him, because I know what he'd say, but I was terrified for his safety. All I wanted was some time with him, and now Sam was taking it away. Alice's eyes were concerned as she searched my expression. I shrugged, slightly giving her a half smile. My fears of abandonment were staring me in the face, but I was numb.

Alice leaned toward me. "It will be okay…you'll see."

"How can you know that for sure?" I asked. "You can't see Jacob's future." My happiness at being over my cold had dissipated to anxiety and disappointment, and now all I wanted to do was lay down and have a quick cry. Alice remained silent, watching me with an agitated look on her face. I sighed when I saw her concern. "Alice, don't mind me…I'm just worried, I guess. I'm not mad at you or anything."

After a moment, she gave me a sympathetic smile. "I wish I could tell you that everything would be okay for him…I really do, Bella. But I also trust that it will all work out…I just can't see it for sure."

I matched her sad smile and fought the tears. I really wanted to be alone at that moment. "Hey, Alice? Don't take this the wrong way, but I really just need to catch up on the homework Angela brought home for me and get to sleep. I guess I'll see you after school tomorrow?"

She nodded understandingly. "Don't forget to pack for Saturday."

 _Saturday_. Like I could forget.

***

For the first night in nearly two weeks, I remembered my dreams, and they made me blush in the morning when I awoke. Jacob. We had been back in the hot springs, kissing and touching and enjoying one another. But instead of being his usual warm self, Jacob's skin had been ice cold — an intense contrast to the hot natural springs.

It felt incredible, and I was disappointed when I awoke, knowing I'd have to face another day without him. The fear in my heart reminded me that it might be the last day we could have spent together. I cried myself hoarse in the shower, missing him and worrying.

***

I felt bitter and a bit terrified all day on Friday, wishing I could see Jacob before all of our planning was put into motion. There was so much I wanted to say to him. There was so much I wanted to _do_ with him. I had never let him take me miniature golfing like he had suggested a few times — I knew he wanted to, but I had always resisted. He had never had one of my world-famous enchiladas — there were always too many pack responsibilities to attend to. We had never been on a picnic, or gone to a concert, or taken a road trip together.

There were other things we had never done. I spaced out while contemplating my sandwich at lunch, thinking about how close I wish I could hold him…how passionately I would kiss him. How much I wanted to give myself to him completely. I moaned audibly, which drew glares from Lauren and Jessica.

The bell rang and I stood to walk to class. I was surprised when Mike fell in step next to me.

"Hey Bella," he said uncertainly. The corners of my mouth lifted as I remembered the last time we had spoken — actually, Mike had been incapable of conversation, vomiting into a popcorn tub. My smile must have encouraged him, because he continued. "I'm kind of organizing another beach trip. A few of us are going to be going to the tidal pools at La Push over the weekend…Eric, Lauren, Tyler, Jessica, Angela, Ben…wanna come?"

My eyes widened in panic. "When are you guys planning to go?"

"Saturday."

My heart sank. In all of our planning, none of us had ever anticipated non-residents at La Push. It was stupid on our part. How could we have overlooked it?

"Mike, the entire res will be empty that day…there's a tribal event up near Port Angeles."

He smiled. "Even more reason why it will be awesome. The beach will be all ours!"

I tried to think of something — _anything_ — that would change their plans. As I saw Mike's hopeful eyes shining down at me as we stood outside of our classroom, I knew what would work. I only hoped he wouldn't hate me for it later.

"I'm not in a beach mood, Mike," I said, looking up at him through my eyelashes in a pathetic attempt at flirting. He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "There is this movie I've been wanting to see though…"

"A movie?" he repeated uncertainly, no doubt thinking of our last cinematic outing. "Do you want to see another action flick? There's 'The Murmur of Fire in the Vein' that just came out last week, and I think 'Trust in Advertising' is still playing. Or a comedy? My older sister said 'The Office' was pretty good, but I saw the trailer for 'Work in Progress,' and it looked pretty funny."

I smiled at him softly, putting my hand on his arm. His eyes were huge. "Actually, I was thinking about 'Wide Awake.' It's supposed to be really romantic and stuff. Maybe we could convince everyone to go to that with us instead of the beach."

I knew I had him at the word "us." He started stammering, a wide smile on his face. "I think that sounds great! Maybe we could go to the beach in the afternoon and the movie at night?"

"Well, umm…I have to help my Dad with something tomorrow night, so if we went, it would have to be a matinee."

The smile never faded from his face. "I think that would work with everyone. Would you let me take you to dinner afterwards?"

I grimaced on the inside, feeling horrible for lying right to his face. But I needed to free up several hours after 1 p.m. for his safety — and the safety of the rest of them.

"Sure!" I enthused brightly as he pulled his phone out and began trying to get a signal while we walked in and took our seats. I saw him chattering excitedly to Eric as he scrolled for movie times on his cell. I was amazed at how easy it had been to change his plans. Mike always liked me much more than I realized.

"Psst! Bella!" his loud whisper filled the room as our teacher walked in. I snapped my head around at him, aware that every eye was on me. "It's showing at two-thirty." I shook my head yes and turned back to the front. I sighed quietly and began thinking of excuses for why I would be standing them all up tomorrow.

***

After the final bell, I couldn't hurry out of school fast enough. One, so I could tell Alice about this new complication; and two, so I could avoid an overly hopeful Mike Newton. Alice was waiting for me, a wide grin decorating her sweet face. She seemed overly excited to see me.

I looked at her warily. "Hey Alice, what's going on?" She squealed and gave me a quick hug before climbing into the passenger side. She never answered my question; instead she fidgeted in an energized, non-vampire way as I told her about the Newton situation. She giggled when I explained my solution to the problem, and gave herself a moment to search the future.

"He'll forgive you far too easily," she finally said, stifling a laugh. "Jessica and Lauren won't be quite as understanding." I grumbled as she took out her cell phone.

"Who are you calling?"

"Carlisle," she said. "He needs to call Sam to let him know of this new problem. Maybe they can station some security at the entrance to La Push to keep the general public out."

"But what will you do about the resort and the RV Park?" I asked, worried.

"They're on the far end of the reservation, several miles from where we'll be meeting Victoria. But perhaps they can encourage the tourists to travel to watch the whale hunt as well."

She murmured on the phone for several minutes before snapping it shut and turning to me. "It will all work out, Bella. You'll see. We'll keep you safe."

"You know that's not my only concern."

Her beautiful face clouded. "I know. And I wish I could see the outcome for Jacob. I've tried, but I just can't see the werewolves. But like I said before. I can see that you're safe…and you seem happy, so I can only assume that Jacob is okay."

"I know," I said quietly, suddenly wanting to take my mind off of the stress. "So, what are we doing tonight?" I asked, expecting an evening of pedicures and modeling Alice-approved clothing.

Alice didn't disappoint, and her face immediately lit up. "Oh, I'm going to do your hair and your nails, but I want you to have a shower first…it's easier to work with your hair that way. And I'm going to try this great new outfit on you… And I already know you'll like your dinner," she chattered away.

"Then what?"

"Oh, you'll see…" she sang happily as we came to the turnoff to their driveway. Alice's bouncing increased as we drew closer and closer to the house.

The Cullen home was completely dark in the shade of the trees that surrounded the structure. I knew that vampires didn't need lights, but it was still strange to see it looking so empty. I waited until we were in the foyer and heard no shouted welcomes to get suspicious.

"Alice, what's going on?"

"Oh, nothing…let's get you in the shower, shall we? I can't wait to try this new up-do I saw in a magazine yesterday!" She pushed me up the stairs while I grumbled the entire way.

***

Three long hours later, Alice was finished with her creation, and not a moment too soon. I was aching from sitting still so long. However, even I couldn't deny that she had done a good job, but it seemed like overkill for a simple slumber party. Most of my hair had been curled and twisted up where it was secured with a simple black clip. Shiny, twisted spirals cascaded down my back and framed my face. Alice had attacked my face with a makeup brush and now my cheekbones were stained with a permanent blush, my lengthened lashes fluttered around the subtle eye color and my lips shone with gloss.

I felt a bit silly in the dress, however. It was beautiful, but only appropriate for a nice dinner or a date. It was sleeveless and champagne-colored, with a layer of sheer black tulle and intricate lace patterns across the chest and the hem, which fell at my knee. I looked like I was ready to go to prom or something; and, remembering the trickery to get me to my last formal dance, I panicked for a moment as I tried to remember when Fork's prom was scheduled.

Alice perked at something and a moment later I heard the front door open softly and footsteps going toward the kitchen. Her smile widened as her nose twitched. She walked over to the home intercom music system speaker near the door to her room and pushed a button. The sounds of "Clair de Lune" filled the house. "You like this song, right?"

I nodded, the music stirring memories and alarm in me. _What was going on?_

Alice clicked her tongue at me as I the alarm made its way to my face. "No dancing, Bella…I'm not kidnapping you, I promise. But I do have a confession to make."

She took my hand and led me down the stairs, and as she did, she spoke in a low voice.

"The whole family is hunting tonight. I'm going to join them in a moment — we need to feed to make sure we're at our strongest for the confrontation tomorrow." I didn't know what to think, opening my mouth to say something, and then closing it as Alice continued. "I'm sorry I lied to you, Bella. But we wanted to surprise you."

"We?"

She just beamed as we turned the corner into the kitchen.

There stood Jacob bathed in candlelight, looking stunning in the suit that we had selected together several weeks earlier. He was organizing two plates of food and stopped to look up when Alice and I entered the room. We both gasped softly as we stared at one another. I felt rooted to the spot, and was aware of Alice squeezing me lightly and whispering, "We'll be back in the morning," before disappearing.

"Thanks, Alice," Jacob's voice was grateful, but his eyes never left me.

I found that I couldn't move — I was so overwhelmed. He understood, and swept around the kitchen island that stood between us and rushed to me, our mouths meeting a split second before our arms flew around one another. We squeezed each other tightly, and his hot lips felt like home against mine. Jacob moved his mouth tenderly, pressing lightly and running his tongue against my upper lip. I sighed and opened my lips eagerly, meeting his tongue with my own. He tasted like mint and the sweet Jacob flavor that I loved so much. We embraced like that for several more moments before he broke away and motioned to a bar stool for me at the island.

"I got some dinner from the Smoke House," he said, putting my plates in front of me. "I hope you like salmon…"

"You and…and _Alice_ planned all of this?" I was truly touched. He grinned and speared some of his salad. "It so…this is just so perfect!"

"Yeah," he mused, swallowing his food. "It was really hard staying away from you while you were sick, Bells. Last night during our meeting with the bloodsu-…er, the Cullens, she mentioned you'd be all better by tonight. I told her how much I wanted to see you and when she found out I didn't have to hang out with the pack, she started planning before I even asked her."

I smirked. "Alice is good at doing that." I took his hand across the granite countertop. "I missed you so much, Jake. I was so scared I wouldn't be able to see you before tomorrow."

He lifted my hand and kissed it tenderly. "I needed you just as much."

We gazed deeply at one another before I broke it off, reminding him that we had a delicious dinner that was starting to get cold. We resumed eating, but continued watching each other as we enjoyed the salmon, salad and bread.

I took a large mouthful of salad, accidentally smearing dressing on my upper lip. I grinned sheepishly and my tongue darted out to swipe it away. Across the counter, Jacob's jaw clenched and he shifted in his seat. A few moments later, Jacob began eating his roll, taking small nibbles; I watched, captivated by his full lips wrapping around the bread and how small the food looked in his large hands. _Mmm, those hands_ …

He washed down his roll with a sip of lemonade, and the drink made his upper lip glisten. I licked my own lip unconsciously as he put the glass down and I turned back to my food. The salmon was delicious. I couldn't suppress a low moan as I took a bite. I saw the fork in Jacob's hand tremble slightly.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, I have some, umm…dessert too. Nothing much…just some fruit and chocolate…" I looked up at the word "chocolate" and grinned. He reached behind him and presented a plate with some juicy-looking pieces of mango and several large, red chocolate-covered strawberries. Jacob stood and walked around the island until he was standing between my legs. Even with the tall barstool, he still had to look down at me. He held up a strawberry in his fingers, a hopeful look on his face. "May I?"

He brought the fruit to my mouth and I closed my eyes. It was blissfully sweet, and a piece of chocolate crumbled in the corner of my mouth. Before I could swipe it away, I felt Jacob's warm lips on mine, his tongue sweeping the chocolate from me. It felt as though an electric shock had coursed through my skin where I could still feel his tender touch. I opened my eyes and he grinned down at me and picked up something else from the plate.

His fingers caressed my lips for a moment before he pushed a small piece of mango against my mouth. Jacob squeezed it harder than necessary, an impish look on his face as drops of sweet juice ran down my chin. I lunged at his fingers, nipping them as I took the fruit from them. He dove equally fast toward the sugary drops that threatened to run to my neck, lapping them with his tongue and lingering a bit too long. At that moment, any pretense of ignoring the electricity in the room went right out of the window.

"Jake…" I whispered as his hands wrapped around my waist and his tongue ran along my jaw line to tickle my earlobe. I stood and pressed against him, grasping his loose tie in my hand and pulling him even closer, and running the other up the side of his face to thread his hair between my fingers.

Jacob lifted me with fiery arms and I hooked my legs around his waist as he carried me into the living room. He set me on the couch and broke away to settle behind me, essentially pulling me on his lap. I leaned back against him, trembling slightly.

He trailed his fingers down my arms and wove them in between mine as he lavished my neck with kisses.

"Ooh," I sighed, lolling my head to one side, allowing him better access.

"I want to try something, Bella," he whispered as his lips skimmed the soft skin behind my ear.

"Mmm-hmm," I mumbled as his hands traveled up my body.

"Put your hands over mine," he breathed in my ear. "Show me how to touch you."

My heart fluttered in my chest and my breathing caught, but I placed my hands over his. "Are you sure, Jacob?" I asked as my hands trembled.

"Positive," he groaned.

I swallowed hard when we started to move our hands down past my collarbone. I helped him push my dress down slowly, raking his fingertips against my smooth skin lower and lower until they brushed past my nipples and I was completely exposed. I gasped softly as his warm hands covered my breasts.

Jacob hissed when my nipples hardened into warm little pebbles under his touch. I arched, pushing harder against his hands, and he moved his fingers back and forth, rubbing the sensitive tips and sending tingles radiating from his touch to the rapidly warming region between my legs. I heard him inhale deeply, the scent of my arousal most likely thick in the air.

"Mmm, Bella," he moaned, laving his tongue up the side of my neck, pulling my earlobe between his lips, suckling the sweet tender skin, nibbling with his teeth.

I let my thighs fall open and press against Jacob's legs as he continued to squeeze and roll my nipples between his fingers, tugging the little peaks, making me whimper.

"Do you want me to stop?" his voice was husky against my neck.

"No," I urged breathlessly, feeling his hardened length press against my lower back.

"Is there anywhere else you want me to touch you?"

"Ungh, yes…" I whispered, gripping his hand and leading it down my belly past my navel. I moved our joined hands down to my thighs and grasped the flimsy fabric of my dress, tugging it up with purpose. I pushed his hand between my legs, murmuring a very uncharacteristic " _fuck_ " as I did. I knew he could feel my moist heat through the thin material of my panties.

"I want more, Bella," he growled lowly, pushing my underwear to the side and pausing for a moment to let me take the lead again. I moved our hands up and down my slick slit and whimpered at the sensation, a light sheen of perspiration beginning to cover my skin.

"More," he practically snarled. I opened my legs wider and our fingers parted my wet folds. My body was trembling and pressing back against his chest as I slid one of my fingers in my own body and manipulated his hands so he did the same. I was soaking, and our fingers slid easily. He began to take over, moving our fingers faster, pumping them in and out as I threw my head back onto his shoulder and cried out.

He pressed his palm against my swollen clit, rubbing it as he thrust our fingers inside my heat. I took my other hand and reached up and back to grab his hair, tugging firmly. Jacob took his other hand and returned to my breast, pinching and rolling the little pink peak while an inferno began erupting throughout my body.

"Jacob!" I cried, wriggling down against his erection and then pressing my hips up against our working hands as I reached toward release. "Ungh…oh _GOD_! Jacob, yes… _Jacob_!" Our fingers pumped furiously and I screamed as the fire in my center exploded into smoldering surges across every inch of my skin. I shuddered and panted my love for him as my muscles throbbed and clenched around our fingers.

He waited until my muscles had stopped pulsating before sliding our fingers from inside me. Jacob brought them up to his face, sniffing them with a glare of wolfish lust flashing in his eyes. He slid the fingers into his mouth, sucking every bit of my arousal from them. I watched him with hooded eyes, my breasts rising and falling as my breathing slowly regulated.

Looking at him right then, I made a decision. So much was uncertain about the future, but what was certain was the way I felt at that moment. I studied his beautiful face with resolve. Jacob paused and looked at me. "Bella?"

My face was suddenly burning with my blush, but I ignored it.

"Jacob," I breathed. "I…I want you…to…make love to me."

His eyes widened and he sat up a bit. "Say again?"

"Please, Jake," I whispered, reaching up to caress his cheek. "I want you."

Jacob stammered, looking uncertain and a bit…scared. "Are you sure you want this? You don't think it's too soon? You won't…" I silenced him with a finger on his soft lips,

"Do you want me?" I asked him simply.

He inhaled sharply, desire pooling in his dark eyes. "Yes."

"Do you love me?"

"I do love you, Bella."

I pushed away from him and stood, my heart pounding.

I reached behind me to lower the zipper on my dress and slide it down to the floor. My panties were next to join the pile. I stood before him completely naked.

"Come here," I whispered.

He stood in front of me, trembling in a way I had never seen before. It made me want to take care of him — to guide him through this experience. I suddenly felt very sure of myself.

I walked around Jacob, letting my hand linger on his hips and trail across his butt as I passed behind him. When I reached his chest again, I pulled his tie slowly, loosening it until I could pull it over his head. It was thrown off into the darkened living room.

Next came his jacket, which slid easily off his shoulders. That too was thrown behind me. I unbuttoned every single button on his shirt, untucking it as I did. His bare chest, which I had seen so many times in the past, looked more beautiful than I ever remembered. I reached for his pants, where his immense hardness was straining against the fabric. He put his hand over mine, stopping me, imploring me with a look that told me he wanted me to be absolutely sure that this is what I wanted.

"Do you want this?" I asked him breathily. He nodded and I kissed his chest.

I wanted to finish undressing him before he delayed me again, so I resumed unfastening his pants. My legs and hands were trembling, yet I felt confident in everything I was doing. In a moment, his pants and his underwear were on the floor, and I kicked them aside.

My eyes widened as I saw his erection. It stood up from his body proudly. "Whoa," I murmured. I bent down, gripping the base and touching my tongue to the tip. He hissed and removed the clip in my hair, allowing the curls to spill down my back. I looked up at him with desire in my eyes.

He seemed to find his confidence when our eyes met. Growling softly, he pulled me up to him and we pressed together, every inch of his skin meeting every inch of mine. I arched my back against him as he plunged his hand down between my legs to rub my center roughly, his breathing husky on my neck.

"I want you," he moaned. "Now."

Quickly, he spun me around and lowered me onto the couch. We gazed at one another, and I was distracted by something underneath me. Squirming and reaching, my hands came back holding a small box of condoms. _How did that_ …?

"Alice," I said softly, making a mental note to thank her. She wouldn't have been able to see what would happen, but she knew anyway. He and I both smiled, and he bent down to me, nuzzling my neck with his nose and lips, the sense of urgency growing between us.

Jacob sought out my eyes and murmured, "God, Bella…I want you so much, baby…" He leaned forward and captured my lips with his, pausing only a second before thrusting his eager tongue in my mouth, trailing it along my lips and teeth, and tasting me with reckless abandon. The faint wolf growl — which I had come to love for its frequent appearance during our intimate moments — was a constant background noise now, the bass line in the music we were making with our gasps, cries and moans.

Jacob's hand gripped his hardness and he rubbed it against the smooth, wet skin between my legs, flicking it back and forth against the sensitive nub. I moaned low in my chest as my fingers fumbled with the foil package. We both watched my hands rub down his erection and caress his balls before slowly unrolling the thin latex along his length. He pressed his forehead against my shoulder as I finished covering him, breathing erratically and quivering from head to toe.

I pressed my breasts against Jacob's chest and held my breath as I felt him position his hardness at my entrance. He reached around my body and cupped my butt cheek, lifting my hips gently off the couch. He paused for the briefest of moments, and I exhaled, groaning — I wanted him so badly at that moment, I couldn't stand it.

"Mmm, please, Jacob," I bucked my hips up against his heat urgently, feeling his warm tip grazing my opening, "Love…I need you now! Oh, God…please," I begged, sounding desperate, writhing my hips.

Holding his breath, Jacob slid just the tip inside of me and pulled it out. I was surprised when it didn't hurt very much. I whimpered, pleading with breathy moans for him to continue. Again, he slipped just an inch into me before pulling out. My need to feel him fully inside me was almost agony. And then once more he teased my opening with himself, stopping for a second to watch for my reaction, an indescribable expression on his face. I needed more and grasped at him frantically. "God, Jacob, fuck me!" I cried.

"I love you, Bella," he rasped, and with a soft snarl, he thrust himself inside of me, burying himself to the hilt. My hips rose involuntarily to meet him, and we both cried out at the sensation of him possessing me for the first time.

I felt one sharp twinge of discomfort as he filled me completely, and I gasped. He stopped immediately and sought my eyes.

"Are you okay, honey?"

The pain had faded but an ache of needing him to continue remained. "Yes, Jake…please." He pulled out slowly and pushed in again. The pain was less that time, and was quickly being replaced with intense pleasure. He kept his gaze on my face as he slid in and out gently a few times — he had made me so slick, his erection glided easily.

I sighed, moaned, and lifted my hips toward him, encouraging him. His breath quickened and he grunted. I looked up at him hovering over me — what I saw was beautiful. My beautiful Jacob. His eyes were closed as he moved inside of me and his face turned toward the ceiling — he looked as though he was savoring something delicious.

The slow, sensual dance of our bodies began to take on a tentative rhythm; I could feel him sliding faster and a bit more earnestly. A low, guttural moan sounded from deep within my chest as I was filled with his heat and thickness. He hooked my leg over his arm and the new position allowed him to enter me more deeply still; we both groaned at the feeling of being so completely connected.

Suddenly, his nostrils flared and his eyes flew open and fixed on me. For a split second, I thought he had caught the scent of an unfamiliar vampire, but when I saw how his dark eyes devoured me, I knew that he was reacting in a primal way to his wolfish instincts. "Yes, baby…" I hissed at him, nodding once as he began to tremble.

He grabbed the curves above my hips with his hot hands and slammed himself into me roughly. It hurt in a good way, and I found myself clawing at him violently as he plunged into me over and over. The tempo began again, more urgently than ever. I couldn't help but meet his thrusts with my own; I couldn't have resisted even if I wanted to. My breasts bounced with each thrust, my nipples rubbing against his burning skin as the sounds of clapping skin and growls filled the room.

"Faster," I heard myself cry, as starbursts and tingles exploded under my skin, flames licking my most sensitive areas. He rumbled loudly as he picked up the pace, and I was riveted by the look of stern intensity on his face. I felt perspiration trickling down my temples and between my breasts from the temperature of his naked body — the heat of his skin was a reflection of the heat building inside me.

"Harder," I groaned, reveling in the familiar, increasing pressure in my center. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to make this feeling last as long as possible.

Jacob's breath was wild in my ear, coming in erratic pants as the growl in his throat grew louder and louder. "Fuck Bella, you feel so good…" he purred as his body crashed into mine. I knew that he was close and I greedily wriggled my hips against him to meet him at the precipice. His growls grew louder and more forceful as he pumped deeply into me.

"Oh yes…Jacob!" I whimpered, my voice getting louder as each thrust brought me closer to climax. "Ungh...I'm, oh…I'm going to come…"

"Look at me, Bella!" he snarled. My eyes flew open and met his. He plunged into me even harder, his upper lip lifting in a teeth-bearing grimace. "You're mine," he roared, accentuating his words with his frenzied thrusts. "Mine…mine…mine…"

His words sent me over the edge. I couldn't hold back my release any more and screamed out as it overtook my entire body. My muscles clenched him tightly as he drove his length in and out of me, and I was conquered by waves of pleasure that made me shiver — even against Jacob's heat.

"Jacob…I love you," I shrieked, my voice wild and trembling, feeling overwhelmed by the love and pleasure of the moment. "God, baby…I love you so much."

I couldn't stop the tears that sprang into my eyes as my entire body flushed with satisfaction, the muscles around Jacob pulsing as he snarled and thrust fiercely one last time, throwing his head back and howling as we came together.

He collapsed heavily on top of me, still rumbling softly in his chest. He had managed to rein in his animalistic aggression a bit, but as I tried to push him off so I could breathe, he growled louder and shuddered. He was still in wolf-mode, so I tried a different approach. I stroked his hair softly and whispered, "Jake? Jacob, hon…I'm here. You're crushing me." The last words sounded like a faint wheeze, but they were enough to calm the trembling and he pushed himself off of me, finally seeing me through eyes that I recognized as my Jacob's. They were immediately filled with wonder and love as he bent to kiss my nose and nuzzle my neck.

"Oh my God, Bella…I love you!" He kissed me sweetly, tenderly. "So much, honey. That was…"

"That was amazing," I finished for him, wrapping my arms around his neck and meeting his kisses with some of my own. "I never realized…that it…it could be like that." I was still catching my breath.

Above me, Jacob smoothed my damp hair away from my face as he continued to rub his warm lips across my cheeks and forehead. I sighed in contentment, savoring his touches.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, his love and concern evident in his voice. Our brown eyes met and I gazed at my beautiful wolf — my protector, my friend, my lover, my Jacob. At that moment, he was everything. I adored him — the man who filled my body and my heart.

"I don't think I've ever been more okay in my entire life," I said with a trembling voice. "I'm so…well, _happy_ doesn't even begin to say what I am right now. I can't find the words, but...let me show you what I mean…"

I pulled him down to me for another kiss, and spent the next five hours showing him, again and again.


End file.
